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  #121  
Old 03-09-2011, 09:24 PM
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Mohegan Mohegan is offline
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I've been on meds the majority of my adult life as well. I went off them a little over a year ago. I still have one for as needed anxiety, but I no longer take anything all the time. I hit a few rough spots, but for the most part have done really well.

What has worked for me is journaling, or blogging when I am feeling good, and looking at it when I am in a deppressive fit. It helps me remember that this is not me, and not who I want to be. IT's the chemicals and my own inability to deal with things. Once I get a grip on how strong and confident I know I am , it makes coming out of it a lot quicker and a lot easier.

Good luck to you! I know weaning can be hard. I hit one of my worst patches when I came off the meds completely. I was about to go back on them (the Karma/Cricket drama first started about 2 months after I was off my meds. Great time to find out about a bunch of affairs!!) when I reminded myself that this is exactly the type of thing I will have to deal with and I can do it. Once got through the withdrawl symptoms I started feeling a lot better.

Hope it is a smooth process for you and it all works out!
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  #122  
Old 03-09-2011, 10:04 PM
TruckerPete TruckerPete is offline
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I've never been good with journaling... Tend to feel stupid when I go back and read, whether it's good or bad stuff. I've only reread this blog once, and that was enough!

I was hoping for a tradeoff... I know the meds even out my mood, but hopefully I can use natural highs, which would otherwise get "flattened", to get motivated to do things like exercise, etc. that will in turn improve my mood and compensate for the lows that will also naturally occur.
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  #123  
Old 03-09-2011, 10:11 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Hi TP, sounds like things are going well. Good to hear! Yes, do come back and post when things are good - not only do all of us want to read good news, it helps to remind you of your blessings.

I was prescribed antidepressants only twice in my life, the most recent after my husband left and I became a sobbing heap for about three months straight. I was prescribed an SSRI to help me through. It worked for the first few months, I think. Crying jags decreased. Then the doc upped my dosage.

Unfortunately, the side effects were too much. I am someone who normally rarely gets headaches and I was having them all day every day, and the moodswings and crying jags were back. After a month of that, and having seriously suicidal thoughts, I went off them - now I know I can't really compare my short experience to yours, but I wanted to pass along what I began doing to soften the withdrawal process. Since I couldn't take it anymore and my doc hadn't gotten back to me with a new scrip for something else, I just stopped taking them cold. In their place, I started taking 5-HTP from the health food store. I had found numerous message boards where folks who had been on all sort of antidepressants switched to 5-HTP and were very happy. I also read about a controversial study that has been pooh-poohed by the larger medical community, in which they determined that antidepressants are no more effective than placebos. Food for thought. After going off the SSRIs, I didn't have any withdrawal symptoms and -- thank the universe -- the headaches were gone. They literally stopped the day after I stopped taking the prescription meds. 5-HTP does something with serotonin. With that I am taking L-Tyrosine, after someone here recommended it to help with the 5-HTP, Ginkgo Biloba, and Ginseng. So far, so good!!

When I finally got to see my shrink, he said we'll meet again after a month and see how it goes. Fortunately, he knows about naturopathic remedies, too. He said we can also try SAME or St. John's Wort (separately, not all at once) if the 5-HTP doesn't do a good job. But I am feeling so much better now, I think I'll stick with it. Next step in keeping my depression at bay will be regular exercise - if I can make it a habit. So important!!

All the best to you...
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Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me. ~Bryan Ferry
"Love is that condition in which another person's happiness is essential to your own." ~Robert Heinlein

Last edited by nycindie; 03-09-2011 at 10:55 PM.
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  #124  
Old 03-14-2011, 03:15 PM
TruckerPete TruckerPete is offline
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Default Fuzzy, but stable

Weaning is going as well as can be expected. I have this uncomfortable "itchy" feeling inside my body ... I feel like if I could take my skin off and scratch the inside of it, I would experience much relief. It's an uncomfortable, but manageable feeling. Much better than the cold turkey brain zaps.

To update on various things ... Vinny was not interested. Said he wanted to see someone exclusively. That is understandable, and we're still on good terms. (I made a joke about being happy that asking him out was over, as I hate that part, and he agreed that it's not a favourite activity of his as well. ) I look forward to seeing him again when diving season gets underway.

So, I've started looking on Plenty of Fish. (OKC is not a good resource around here.) Indigo and Mr. A are both supportive of this, no matter which sex a potential partner might be. I am a very lucky gal.

I clearly state in my profile that I'm happily married, with a boyfriend, and in an open and poly relationship. It's been interesting ... I've had some fun questions, but no hatemail. (Yet!)

I'll keep you posted, though I'm not seriously looking. (Just window shopping! )
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  #125  
Old 03-14-2011, 03:32 PM
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Carma Carma is offline
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I could never handle the side effects of meds. Have tried them off and on throughout the past 14 years -- whenever depression gets a tight hold, I cave in and try again. Never works. I hate being a zombie. Prozac sent me manic a couple times, and that was scary as hell.

They say that exercise can be as effective as a mild anti-depressant. So even though I'd MUCH rather take a pill and get on with it... I've been trying to take more long walks. Not only does it get me out of the house, I get a brighter perspective when I'm out in the world, my heart is healthier, plus my butt gets some toning, which is a great side effect, for sure!

Good luck, TP!
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  #126  
Old 03-14-2011, 04:27 PM
TruckerPete TruckerPete is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Carma View Post
I could never handle the side effects of meds. Have tried them off and on throughout the past 14 years -- whenever depression gets a tight hold, I cave in and try again. Never works. I hate being a zombie. Prozac sent me manic a couple times, and that was scary as hell.

They say that exercise can be as effective as a mild anti-depressant. So even though I'd MUCH rather take a pill and get on with it... I've been trying to take more long walks. Not only does it get me out of the house, I get a brighter perspective when I'm out in the world, my heart is healthier, plus my butt gets some toning, which is a great side effect, for sure!

Good luck, TP!
Prozac sent me hypo-manic, too! It was crazy, because I didn't even realize it was happening, but looking back I can see it. (Of particular note was dragging my BF at the time home for sex at lunch when I'd previously had no sex drive. :S ) I had wicked nightmares on the stuff and terrible anxiety.

I'd much rather take a pill and get on with it, too, but the pills really aren't working. I'm not at the point yet where I can just get up and go for a walk when I feel crappy. However, I have noticed that when I have a fleeting impulse to do something (such as a household chore), it's much easier to follow through.

Baby steps!
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  #127  
Old 03-15-2011, 02:33 AM
TruckerPete TruckerPete is offline
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Default Seeing the light ...

Mr. A said something last night that made me smile. "It's weird how the more open we are to other people, the closer we feel to each other."

I experienced the very same thing with Indigo when I started seeing Mr. A, and have seen that sentiment echoed tens of times on this forum. I'm so very happy he's found this nugget himself.

Ah poly! What a beautiful thing you are!
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  #128  
Old 03-15-2011, 02:20 PM
TruckerPete TruckerPete is offline
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Default No shame (in a good way)

Mr. A is coming to visit this weekend. I am very happy for a number of reasons. The most obvious is that I haven't seen him for two weeks, so I look forward to the comfort offered by physical closeness.

Second, I'm excited to have him in our home. I miss our weekly dates, the three of us. It brought me such joy to see him and Indigo together, nerding out over some thing or another. I can't wait to sit back and enjoy their friendship.

Finally, I'm happy that this visit was negotiated with such ease. This will be the first time Mr. A has stayed overnight at our house, as when he lived in town I went to his place. Indigo has no issue with us sharing the air mattress in the spare room. In fact, he even offered up our bed with him on the air mattress, but that wouldn't have felt right to me. Besides, we're in need of a new bed and the air mattress is actually comfier.

Last night, I asked Indigo what he thought was reasonable in terms of alone time for me and Mr. A. It was easier to ask than I thought it would be. Awesomely enough, we had the same thing in mind: alone time when Mr. A arrives Saturday night, and some time Sunday afternoon. There will be texts/calls to make sure there are no surprises for me and Mr. A, and, more importantly, so that Indigo doesn't feel unwelcome in his own home or uncomfortable coming back. I do want alone time, but I feel the group time is just as important in maintaining four healthy relationships. I'm very, very pleased that we have struck a nice balance between the two.

So yeah. Good times to be had by all this weekend.
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  #129  
Old 03-15-2011, 08:24 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Default Yay!

I can't begin to tell you how much I enjoy reading your blog. It makes me so happy to see how you all negotiate, communicate, and love each other. I read your story and feel hopeful about the possibilities for myself! Thank you for being so open in sharing this aspect of your lives with us!
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Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me. ~Bryan Ferry
"Love is that condition in which another person's happiness is essential to your own." ~Robert Heinlein
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  #130  
Old 03-16-2011, 04:17 PM
TruckerPete TruckerPete is offline
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Fuck, I'm a lucky gal.

*************************
TruckerPete
i feel like shit
very anxious today
Mr. A
*hugs*
I love you very much, and I'm not going anywhere, no matter what other relationships you decide to embark on
Just sayin'
TruckerPete
well, you hit the nail on the head
haha
Mr. A
I pay attention good!
TruckerPete
thank you
*************************
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