Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Life stories and blogs

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #111  
Old 01-31-2011, 08:26 PM
JenAgain JenAgain is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 89
Default

Whew! I just finished reading your thread from beginning to end. It makes me happy to see that things CAN work and everybody can be happy in the situation. There seems to be a mix of negative and positive experiences here on the forum, and I'm aiming for a positive one... so far so good.

Keep posting, as I enjoy reading about your success, and trials and tribulations as well. I hope that things continue to work well with the longer distance between you and Mr. A. Indigo seems to be an amazing man as well!
Reply With Quote
  #112  
Old 02-01-2011, 02:28 AM
TruckerPete TruckerPete is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 1,000
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by JenAgain View Post
Whew! I just finished reading your thread from beginning to end. It makes me happy to see that things CAN work and everybody can be happy in the situation. There seems to be a mix of negative and positive experiences here on the forum, and I'm aiming for a positive one... so far so good.

Keep posting, as I enjoy reading about your success, and trials and tribulations as well. I hope that things continue to work well with the longer distance between you and Mr. A. Indigo seems to be an amazing man as well!
Thank you, JenAgain.
Reply With Quote
  #113  
Old 02-02-2011, 04:10 AM
TruckerPete TruckerPete is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 1,000
Default Communication, yeah!

Two communication successes tonight.

First, talking with Mr. A ... I didn't get as much contact from him today as I might have hoped, but he's apartment hunting, as well as starting a new job. I'm also sick and this makes me sucky.

So, we Skyped tonight, had a pleasant conversation about our repective days, and I felt included in his life. He confirmed that today he was just really swamped. He didn't message me tonight because he thought I was at choir, but didn't realize how sick I am. I was happy I didn't immediately jump to the wrong conclusions about the frequency of his communications today.

At the end of the conversation, he asked if I wanted to continue to chat on MSN and I told him I felt that my needs for the day had been met (which they had been), and I would be just fine with a goodnight text as long as he was. He said this suited him just fine, and we congratulated ourselves on communicating our requirements.

Second success was with Indigo. I am trying to not be a judgmental bitch, as I have been in the past. I sometimes find myself looking for fault in things he does, for ... well, I don't know the reason, yet. This can take the form of watching what he does or asking questions about his views on things, then criticizing based on these findings. More often these days though, I find myself watching and asking in order to better understand, not to judge. However, apparently these two mindsets look the same from the outside.

Tonight, my intentions were misunderstood twice. This left me feeling crappy, not only for being misunderstood, but also for the reminder of how not nice I can be when that's the opposite of my intent.

I don't blame Indigo for his misinterpretation of my intent. I've been this way since before I met him, and was raised with this way of being and still do it, despite my best efforts. If me trying to understand him better looks and feels similar to me being a judgey arse, well I know which one I'd choose in his place!

So we sat down and I explained how I felt I had been misunderstood, though I could tell why, and that I need him to be a little more trusting of my intentions because I am trying.

He agreed to ask for clarification when he feels like I'm judging him. This serves two purposes. If I'm not judging him, then we get to carry on like real adults. If I have slipped up and am judging, this gives me the opportunity to check myself and stop.

A productive night, indeed!
Reply With Quote
  #114  
Old 02-02-2011, 09:54 AM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 6,754
Default

Gosh, sometimes I feel like great communication is better than great sex (oh, well, I think of sex as a form of communication, so no wonder I correlate the two).

But really, it's so very satisfying when things fall into place like that and we gain clarity, especially after big misunderstandings. Yay!
__________________
Hot chick in the city.

Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me.
~Bryan Ferry
Reply With Quote
  #115  
Old 02-02-2011, 11:59 AM
Mohegan's Avatar
Mohegan Mohegan is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 756
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by TruckerPete View Post
If me trying to understand him better looks and feels similar to me being a judgey arse, well I know which one I'd choose in his place!

So we sat down and I explained how I felt I had been misunderstood, though I could tell why, and that I need him to be a little more trusting of my intentions because I am trying.

He agreed to ask for clarification when he feels like I'm judging him. This serves two purposes. If I'm not judging him, then we get to carry on like real adults. If I have slipped up and am judging, this gives me the opportunity to check myself and stop.

A productive night, indeed!
That sounds so similar to the talks going on here. The difference being instead of judging Karma, it appears that I judge everyone else I meet. That's not usualy the case, but it is how it appeared and we are working on the same plan. Clarification goes a long way.

Good luck!
Reply With Quote
  #116  
Old 02-02-2011, 06:12 PM
SNeacail's Avatar
SNeacail SNeacail is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Near Disneyland
Posts: 1,503
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by TruckerPete View Post
I am trying to not be a judgmental bitch, as I have been in the past. I sometimes find myself looking for fault in things he does, for ... well, I don't know the reason, yet. This can take the form of watching what he does or asking questions about his views on things, then criticizing based on these findings. More often these days though, I find myself watching and asking in order to better understand, not to judge. However, apparently these two mindsets look the same from the outside.
This is where I'm at also. I find myself asking because I want to understand, but immediately have to explain that I'm not trying to criticize again, I just want to understand. Sometimes it works, sometimes not so much.
Reply With Quote
  #117  
Old 02-02-2011, 06:46 PM
TruckerPete TruckerPete is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 1,000
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
Gosh, sometimes I feel like great communication is better than great sex (oh, well, I think of sex as a form of communication, so no wonder I correlate the two).

But really, it's so very satisfying when things fall into place like that and we gain clarity, especially after big misunderstandings. Yay!
I felt pretty satisfied, but you'll have to ask Indigo!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mohegan View Post
That sounds so similar to the talks going on here. The difference being instead of judging Karma, it appears that I judge everyone else I meet. That's not usualy the case, but it is how it appeared and we are working on the same plan. Clarification goes a long way.

Good luck!
I have noticed my tone far more of late, and have caught myself, especially at work saying things like, "That didn't come out right. Let me try again." In these situations, I don't realize how things could sound until I've already said them. I certainly didn't mean them the wrong way, but there ya go.

Quote:
Originally Posted by SNeacail View Post
This is where I'm at also. I find myself asking because I want to understand, but immediately have to explain that I'm not trying to criticize again, I just want to understand. Sometimes it works, sometimes not so much.
I am relieved I'm not the only one with this issue ...
Reply With Quote
  #118  
Old 02-05-2011, 03:40 AM
eklctc eklctc is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 275
Default

First, I want to say that I love you. Second, I want to say that I'm sorry that I have been so swamped from work that I haven't been able to keep up. Third, I'd like to say that I totally agree with NY regarding great communication being better than great sex at times (hell for me great communication Always leads to great sex because it's a turn-on for me AND I'm an aggressive beast:P). Fourth, great strides, my friend...great strides. I'm still sending loving and supportive vibes your way for you and your clan~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*hugs*
Reply With Quote
  #119  
Old 03-09-2011, 08:32 PM
TruckerPete TruckerPete is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 1,000
Default Where to start?

I guess I've fallen into the trap of not updating when things are good.

Mr. A moved about two hours away. The job is great, our relationship is still strong, and even though the adjustment was a lot to deal with, we've got a schedule now and it's working for us.

Indigo got a great job as well, in his field. That's eased a fair bit of financial stress at home. We were treading water okay, but I felt like one wave would do us harm. I feel much better now.

Indigo is still "single", but he's good with that. I just want him to be happy, whether he decides another relationship will work for him, or wants to be mono to my poly.

I'm interested in someone new, we'll call him Vinny. Well, not really new. I was interested in him in the summer, but between Indigo and Mr. A I had no time for another relationship. Since the relationship with Mr. A has shifted form, I have more time.

Despite being a total flirt, Vinny is shy as hell. He knows I'm in an "open" (I've given up explaining poly to people at first go.) relationship, and that I have a boyfriend. I think he really doesn't know what to make of me, or my interest. He hasn't turned me down (I've given him plenty of opportunities to), but isn't making advances on his own.

I don't need any form of relationship with him to be happy. This, of course, makes me happy, because I do try and evaluate where I'm coming from as a general check. He's just an interesting person, whom I'd like to see what, if any, possibilities could develop with.

I should mention that both gents (Mr. A and Indigo) have given a green light for Vinny. Although, I did just have to double-check that with Indigo. He is aware that I'm interested, but we never had an actual conversation where he okayed it. Communication, yeah! (Lesson: don't assume things - check!)

In other news, I'm in the process of weaning myself off of my medication. It's been hell so far, I'm not going to lie. In a fit of frustration, I tried to go cold turkey, but the withdrawal was far too intense. For those of you interested, I was on 60mg of Cymbalta (the one giving me a bitch of a time), 2.5mg of olanzapine, 1-2mg of Clonazepam as needed, and 5 or 7.5mg of zopiclone for sleeping at night as needed.

Currently, I'm down to about 30mg of Cymbalta, 2mg of Clonazepam (helping with the anxiety from Cymbalta withdrawal), and taking zopiclone most nights to combat the nightmares from a med change. Like actual nightmares, not metaphorically speaking.

I've been on some sort of anti-depressant for the last 7 years. The only drug class I haven't tried has been MAOIs, which I'm reluctant to go to. The only other time I've stopped taking my medication was when I was on Remeron, and I decided I'd like to stop being a carb-craving zombie.

So, my entire adult life, I've been drugged. I'd like to try this life thing med-free, see if that changes anything.

Yeah. Lots going on.
Reply With Quote
  #120  
Old 03-09-2011, 08:49 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 2,828
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by TruckerPete View Post
I'm interested in someone new, we'll call him Vinny. Well, not really new. I was interested in him in the summer, but between Indigo and Mr. A I had no time for another relationship. Since the relationship with Mr. A has shifted form, I have more time.

Despite being a total flirt, Vinny is shy as hell. He knows I'm in an "open" (I've given up explaining poly to people at first go.) relationship, and that I have a boyfriend. I think he really doesn't know what to make of me, or my interest. He hasn't turned me down (I've given him plenty of opportunities to), but isn't making advances on his own.

I don't need any form of relationship with him to be happy. This, of course, makes me happy, because I do try and evaluate where I'm coming from as a general check. He's just an interesting person, whom I'd like to see what, if any, possibilities could develop with.
Congrats TP ... Hope he gets his flirt on. Could be gunshy for being a "3rd" or is he just shy. Either way congrats

Quote:
In other news, I'm in the process of weaning myself off of my medication. It's been hell so far, I'm not going to lie. In a fit of frustration, I tried to go cold turkey, but the withdrawal was far too intense. For those of you interested, I was on 60mg of Cymbalta (the one giving me a bitch of a time), 2.5mg of olanzapine, 1-2mg of Clonazepam as needed, and 5 or 7.5mg of zopiclone for sleeping at night as needed.

Currently, I'm down to about 30mg of Cymbalta, 2mg of Clonazepam (helping with the anxiety from Cymbalta withdrawal), and taking zopiclone most nights to combat the nightmares from a med change. Like actual nightmares, not metaphorically speaking.

I've been on some sort of anti-depressant for the last 7 years. The only drug class I haven't tried has been MAOIs, which I'm reluctant to go to. The only other time I've stopped taking my medication was when I was on Remeron, and I decided I'd like to stop being a carb-craving zombie.

So, my entire adult life, I've been drugged. I'd like to try this life thing med-free, see if that changes anything.
Thats a big step. Congrats on this as well. I am confident for you
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
blog, comminication, depression, new to poly, nre, personal growth, vee

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 01:56 PM.