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  #101  
Old 01-17-2011, 04:27 PM
TruckerPete TruckerPete is offline
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Default progress

I've stopped crying. Mr. A is moving, somewhere, at some point in the near future. Most likely option right now is about 2hrs away.

I fluctuate between being okay with it, to being more upset, to being very happy for this new opportunity in his life. Right now, it's all three. With any luck, as I write this he's flying a plane he's wanted to be in for 10 years. That's pretty huge.

Part of the problem is that this was feeling like the first step in the demise of our relationship. He's going to be moving further away, not closer. I want to build a family.

But we've talked. I have no doubt that he's sincere in wanting to make this work. It's still hard though.

Indigo has been an amazing support. If my husband is reassuring me of the strength of the relationship between me and my boyfriend, well that carries a lot of weight in my eyes.

So I'm working on the things I can control. I can mourn the relationship I'd hoped for and work towards making this new one fulfilling in different ways. I can effectively communicate my needs to him. I can move our computer to a more private location so that video chats will be possible. I already know there's a bus that runs regularly to the most likely place he'll be.

Deep breaths. It won't be the same as it was, but it will still be.
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  #102  
Old 01-17-2011, 07:34 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TruckerPete View Post
I've stopped crying. Mr. A is moving, somewhere, at some point in the near future. Most likely option right now is about 2hrs away.
...2 hour is a short jaunt. Its an easy task. To put the distance into a perspective. For me to go shopping in the city is a 2 hour trip. Distance can hold its own romance. It holds a lot of power in communication etc.

Besides wouldn't it be romantic if he one day just landed on your lawn Now he has a reason too haha

Quote:
So I'm working on the things I can control. I can mourn the relationship I'd hoped for and work towards making this new one fulfilling in different ways. I can effectively communicate my needs to him. I can move our computer to a more private location so that video chats will be possible. I already know there's a bus that runs regularly to the most likely place he'll be.
Look into a pass of some kind. Makes the trip more inviting and less daunting. Greyhound usually has 10 or 20 ticket passes that save a crap load of money.

Its...65$ round trip to vancouver
I pay 30$ because I buy a pass

Might make the distance feel less daunting.

*hugs*
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  #103  
Old 01-17-2011, 10:07 PM
TruckerPete TruckerPete is offline
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Originally Posted by Ariakas View Post


Look into a pass of some kind. Makes the trip more inviting and less daunting. Greyhound usually has 10 or 20 ticket passes that save a crap load of money.

Its...65$ round trip to vancouver
I pay 30$ because I buy a pass

Might make the distance feel less daunting.

*hugs*
That's a great idea. I'm almost positive Coach Canada does the same.

Thanks, Ari.
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  #104  
Old 01-18-2011, 02:09 AM
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ImaginaryIllusion ImaginaryIllusion is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ariakas View Post
Besides wouldn't it be romantic if he one day just landed on your lawn Now he has a reason too haha
Landing Strip?
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  #105  
Old 01-18-2011, 12:26 PM
TruckerPete TruckerPete is offline
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Landing Strip?
Heehee! There's a strip club near Pearson named that!
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  #106  
Old 01-19-2011, 12:47 AM
eklctc eklctc is offline
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*hugs* Distance and time apart can help with the demise of a relationship (I think my work travel for the last 6 weeks of 2010 helped do my relationship in) but, I truly believe, the foundation of that relationship has to already be going through some major turmoil or not so sturdy to begin with in order for something like that to take a big toll on the relationship so ... it seems that you are safe. I hope you, Mr. A, and Indigo are all well.
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  #107  
Old 01-26-2011, 03:36 PM
TruckerPete TruckerPete is offline
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Default A lot of things

Well, one thing. But it's affecting a lot of things.

Turns out I'm not so okay with Mr. A leaving. Oh right. I didn't mention. He got the job that's two hours away. It is a great career move for him.

It's just so much, so fast. Two weeks ago I thought we'd have a few more months together. Then I found out he'd basically lost his job here, he was leaving for training for twice as long as I'd originally thought, and hey, he had a good chance at a job at the new school. All in the same night. Since then I haven't seen him, he's gotten a new job, is looking for apartments, and is so busy that we are talking less than half an hour a day on average. This is from 3-4 nights a week spent with him.

But I've been trying to play the good, supportive girlfriend. Relationships in his past have ended over his career. He will always put that first, I believe. I didn't want to lose him because I couldn't deal with it. I didn't feel it was okay to be upset, angry, hurt.

So things came to a head last night. I've been bottling up and stuffing things down. You'd never know that if you talked to Indigo though. All of this extra tension inside me has affected our relationship. I'm snappy and angry and not being a good, supportive wife. He's also started a new job and is understandably tired and a bit on edge. I haven't been there for him because I've been sparing Mr. A my feelings.

Not cool. Not fair in the slightest.

Indigo told me to talk to Mr. A. I did. It didn't start out well. I was angry at the situation and Mr. A's apparent lack of concern for the change in our relationship. I hung up on him. Very mature. But then we talked it out over msn. I asked him to tell me how he feels, because I felt like I'm the only one feeling anything. He did. I explained how quickly things had changed from my perspective and I think that really hit home for him. He doesn't always share possibilities with me, then they become real and I'm left wondering where they came from. I don't deal well with unknowns, and that's what everything is right now. He agreed to try and nail some things down for me, such as when he's coming back. He told me it was okay to be upset. In fact it's normal to be. He's not more upset because this is the way things have always gone, and what he expects.

I really needed to hear that it was okay to feel how I did. I think that helped more than anything. A close second was him comparing us to the LDR his parents got through when they were dating. Back in the days before technology could help.

For my part, I'm not going to keep things in for his sake. It doesn't work, and just hurts everyone involved.

It is very strange to hold happiness for his new job and sorrow in my heart at the same time. One doesn't diminish the other. I wonder if this is how some feel with poly. They are happy for their love to be their true self, but mourn the relationship that was. Certainly, the future I've been working toward is much changed.

So I've taken a sick day today. I'm much in need of regrouping. I will be better in all areas of my life for the time I take today.

Indigo, thank you for kicking my ass in the right direction. I love you very much and I'm sorry for being an intolerable bitch when you needed me.

Mr. A, you'll know how I feel, all of it from now on. Remember that the joy is just as genuine in the sorrow.
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  #108  
Old 01-26-2011, 07:53 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Congrats tp, I am happy you got over that barrier. I am confident for you guys. I am sure you will work through it. Lots of great examples of what not to do in this world, use those and it might save some heartache
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  #109  
Old 01-26-2011, 09:09 PM
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Derbylicious Derbylicious is offline
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It really does help to have a firm date booked for when you will see each other again. As for being angry and upset, better to let it out than to let it fester.
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  #110  
Old 01-30-2011, 11:51 PM
TruckerPete TruckerPete is offline
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Red face A good weekend

Mr. A came up to visit this weekend. To say we had a really good time together is an understatement. It was definitely needed, after the emotional roller coaster of the past two weeks. I feel secure in our relationship and know we're both committed to not making this work, but simply letting it work.

I can't thank Indigo enough for his selflessness and compersion. I am married to an incredible man, whom I wish could see himself as I do.
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