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  #941  
Old 05-14-2011, 07:14 PM
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I don't know what I have to offer as far as advice goes but I don't see Leo making you feel happy and good a lot of the time. I know that you do enjoy your time together when it happens but there is so much anxiety around planning and wondering how he percieves you before you actually see him that it leaves me wondering what the pay off is. I think that you might be happier reframing the relationship in your mind to one of friendship. You're right in saying that he might not even notice the change.

I expect that he does genuinely love you in his own way but with everything that's going on for him he doesn't have a lot left to give emotionally. You have a connection with each other and it could just be that it's going though a natural ebb and flow cycle. It seems to me that now just isn't the right time for what you have with each other to be any more invested that friendship. As things change and the rest of his life becomes more stable he might have more to give emotionally again.
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  #942  
Old 05-14-2011, 08:31 PM
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Forgive me redpepper but I can't see what either Leo or you get out of the friendship at all, it seems hardly worth the effort on any level, just time wasted you could spend with someone more important to you.
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  #943  
Old 05-14-2011, 08:51 PM
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For me, I don't see showing up in and of itself to really "enough." I mean, I like it when people show up but I think that it really starts with what you do after you show up. From what I know of you, I think you do care about that too. I mean, quality time, it's in the definition. I guess if Leo can't be/give what you need, then it just isn't worth it. I can see how he's given some conflicting messages though. Hopefully the love languages book will help. I know it has helped me on occasion.
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Old 05-15-2011, 11:24 AM
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It does sound to me like he is oblivious to everything but his own needs, and that you are indeed done. I also do not see what you get out of it. Maybe if it was just a friendship, and you saw expensive dinners as a perk from that, it might be worth it. But methinks you have better things to do with your time, don't you?
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  #945  
Old 05-16-2011, 03:53 AM
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Thanks everyone. And to those that sent PM's. I really appreciate it. Actually, what really made me think was doing the quiz on this thread. the results made me realize that he has possibilities and that I need to be a little less intense. Who me, intense? Never

If things don't change by the end of the summer after our camping trips then I will re-look at it... That's the plan thus far though.

I know it doesn't seem that I get anything out of what we have, but I look forward to our time together, feel comfortable with him and myself, and for some reason trust. It's really not taking away from anyone else in my life that we see each other. So I guess I will wait and see.
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  #946  
Old 05-17-2011, 06:46 AM
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Three texts from Leo over the weekend and today... that is a record. Maybe something I said sunk in? I told him about the book I will give him and he asked if it had dirty pictures. *sigh* see what I have to deal with?

I had my ex wife over tonight for dinner and family time with LB and us three. It was assume. I always love when she is around, although I was beat and had a head ache. I miss her in my life more regularly...

Off to kiss Mono and snuggle in with PN... Derby and I didn't get a chance to chat much today... so busy lately!
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Old 05-19-2011, 02:44 PM
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I thought sleep would help, but I feel just as bad as yesterday. Under appreciated, like the whole world hates me and doesn't understand me and that I have no respect.... they laid off one of my dear friends and long time co-workers this week. After 10 years of work, in a team of 7, we are now 6.... I'm afraid for my own job, my co-workers future, and just feeling like I mean nothing to this world.... we get so little respect already at work that this just gives us less. More work ahead, more clients, more paper work...more words of bullshit. I don't know if I can do it.

To top it off I don't feel appreciated in my community or by my friends either. For various reasons this week. The only place I know I am, is at home. I don't know why I bother to go out or do anything at all. I should just stay home with the covers over my head.

Onwards and upwards, LB turns 8 today.... plaster a smile on my face and do more stuff that I get very little appreciation for. My brother is coming with his girlfriend. She sucks the very marrow of my life out of me when I am feeling like this.... no doubt the meal will not be to her standard, the celebration pitaful and the presents we bought unacceptable for a kid she barely has time for.

*sigh*

Please don't relpy to this, I am really not in the mood to believe anything anyone says to me in this moment. Right now I don't trust anyone and think everything that comes out of anyone's mouth is bullshit. This week has proven that far too many times already.
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  #948  
Old 05-19-2011, 06:59 PM
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Just saying hello so I can follow your blog again

And yes I know I can "subscribe" but this is much more fun
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  #949  
Old 05-19-2011, 08:35 PM
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PMS?

((hug))
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me: Mags, 58, living with:
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  #950  
Old 05-19-2011, 09:19 PM
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I hope you feel appreciated in this community RP. I for one appreciate you very much. I might not comment that much because I'm very busy at the moment and a little burnt out but I follow along with your life and really enjoy that you take the time to share it with us. Lack of appreciation says much more about the state of the life of the unappreciative than the one who isn't being appreciated.

You guys are a poly success story to a level that even some professionals say can't be done. You give a lot to this community. Thank you
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