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  #761  
Old 02-05-2011, 11:24 PM
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Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
I'm a little confused by this...I never pushed to begin with. We had boundaries. They were pushed. We adapted. There was change but it didn't come from me.
Oh, I didn't say you were pushing her. I was just using RP's language. I said "pushback" because RP wrote something that really stood out to me:
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Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
Leo is not worth pushing the issue on, we will be just fine being friends if it is to be that way.
So, I was just wondering what would have made the issue worth pushing, since Leo apparently isn't worth it. It seems relatively easy, to me, to give up something/someone less important, but I guess each case would be decided individually. If it were someone else whom she felt was "worth" pushing the issue, I guess different compromises would have been made on both sides.

Sorry if I wasn't clear. That's why I said:
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Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
Since Leo isn't "worth" fighting for, does that make it easier to acquiesce?
Just trying to understand how to practically manage many love relationships. It's very enlightening, since I'm not at that stage yet. I am glad you are both happy with where you've arrived now.
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Last edited by nycindie; 02-05-2011 at 11:36 PM.
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  #762  
Old 02-05-2011, 11:25 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
I'm a little confused by this...I never pushed to begin with. We had boundaries. They were pushed. We adapted. There was change but it didn't come from me.
I think she means in regards to Leo.

What would happen if someone came along, that held more value than Leo, and she couldn't just walk away from. Someone RP would feel more need to push on behalf of.

At least that was my take
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  #763  
Old 02-05-2011, 11:41 PM
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I got defensive...my bad. I'm good but still raw. Sorry all
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  #764  
Old 02-06-2011, 12:12 AM
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Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
Oh, I didn't say you were pushing her. I was just using RP's language. I said "pushback" because RP wrote something that really stood out to me:

So, I was just wondering what would have made the issue worth pushing, since Leo apparently isn't worth it. It seems relatively easy, to me, to give up something/someone less important, but I guess each case would be decided individually. If it were someone else whom she felt was "worth" pushing the issue, I guess different compromises would have been made on both sides.
Leo is worth it... he is an incredible person and has shown to me that he is well worth my giving myself to in a way that involves being naked his worth is not the question... sorry if I made it seem that way.

What is not worth it is changing the entire dynamic of my relationships and life. I am not willing to do that for him or anyone right now, if ever.

This whole process might come in handy one day if someone comes along, even Leo at a later time. If things change in my life that make me think that exploring what would happen if "pushing the issue" is necessary, this work has been helpful. I know a bit more about myself and Mono. It isn't entirely clear, but useful.

Thanks for asking NYCindie, I don't know where its all going and I might just be delusional at this point. I know full well that people reading this will just shake their head as really I am still giving up my true nature, but what else can I do? Give up everything for a man I will never have much time with, don't even know if I would ever want to have sex with anyway, has a jealous wife, and numerous problems and issues that I don't have to be a part of at the moment with the status I have in his life, or... Mono... hmmm... the choice is clear at the moment.

If I ever want to have more with Leo then I will have to wait until Mono decides that he sees him as he does Derby and PN. HA! Seems ludicrous to think that might ever happen, but whatever, I don't want this bubble to burst. Mono doesn't want to be around him camping or in any other way at the moment... I think getting back to that is just about all I can ask for at this point.
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  #765  
Old 02-06-2011, 12:23 AM
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I'm a little confused by this...I never pushed to begin with. We had boundaries. They were pushed. We adapted. There was change but it didn't come from me.
I fucked up. Really badly in fact. Not horrifically, but badly enough. I honestly didn't think and didn't consider results... It could of been a lot worse, but it was bad enough to realize what I could lose if I don't get my act together... of course some could see it as realizing what I could gain, depending on how you look at it. I chose to see the latter at this point.

Sorry baby. I hurt you and you still feel it... trust broken is almost impossible to get over, especially for the one who breaks it... I hope that we can build again with time. In your eyes I cheated and that has hit me hard. I can see how that would make sense to you and it has become my sense also now.

After all my going on and on about foundations... blah blah blah... I didn't think of those at the time. I believe in the foundation we have. I have not acted out of integrity and I intend to get back on track with everything that I can muster.
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  #766  
Old 02-06-2011, 02:51 AM
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It's my turn to tell you not to dwell on the things we have done in the past. Ironic really considering my affinity for guilt. There is still no one I trust more or no heart that has ever been closer to mine. Yes, there are feelings of hurt and of being deceived and even played a fool to some point but these are illogical in the sense that they imply malicious intent. I know you love me and would never want to hurt me. Our natures collided, our views of physical things were not the same. We will be fine.

I still like and care about Leo. He is a friend and a person I have concern about. I worry about his emotions in this as well. Yes I have a desire to create distance between us and pull back from our family activities where he is concerned. Part of that is what happens to my energy when things of this nature become pictures in my mind....but the other part of wanting to pull back is to give you guys more space in what you have. This was part of my offered compromise so you could continue with your level of intimacy. That offer will stand as time rolls on.

You still have your integrity....you answered my questions without hesitation. You could have lied to me and I would have never known..but you didn't..that's integrity, strength, bravery, commitment and true love
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  #767  
Old 02-06-2011, 07:19 PM
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Women's group today, I have a lot to talk about... I don't feel confident to talk about anything though... vulnerable, ashamed... sigh, I will see how it goes.
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  #768  
Old 02-06-2011, 07:43 PM
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Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
Women's group today, I have a lot to talk about... I don't feel confident to talk about anything though... vulnerable, ashamed... sigh, I will see how it goes.
See how it goes...you don't have to talk about anything that you're not ready to...there's always next month once everything has settled in you.
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  #769  
Old 02-06-2011, 10:57 PM
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It is nice to have someone to talk to but it's equally important to feel comfortable doing so.
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  #770  
Old 02-08-2011, 07:28 AM
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some stuff to note from my group yesterday.

Should I tell Leo what is going on? and is Mono perhaps merely jealous of my relationship with Leo and concerned as a result.

Well, I told Leo now, so the first is mute. I told him that we are back to where we were and apologized that it had to be that way. I said it wasn't okay that we continue as we were and that scaling back is what I intend to do. I await a response. I thought that was enough for a first talk about it... I did mention that its all okay on this end and that we are all doing fine and that he is not to worry.

As to the other note... well, I put it to Mono and he thought it was not a case of jealousy and was not too keen of thinking of it this way. I thought it was a fascinating way of looking at it because some people get jealous when their partner starts a new relationship in terms of intimacy. Perhaps it isn't about poly and mono natures after all. He wasn't keen on hearing any of this theory.

Still interesting to me,.... but to discuss with others at this point.

So, there ya go... *sigh* life moves on.
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