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  #751  
Old 02-05-2011, 03:09 AM
eklctc eklctc is offline
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Once again, I'm late to the game but I wanted to also offer my support; wanted to voice that I agree with bella regarding the respect and admiration I have for you and your clan; and wanted to add my silky body to the group hug. I also wanted to chime in on the post you wrote regarding the change in interaction/relationships once sex becomes a factor (specifically merely mentioned). being a person who talks about sex with any and everyone, offering sex advice and sharing sexual experiences through talk radio, blog, and other writings, and always recruiting for great activity :P ... I would say, it changes interactions and viewpoints if you allow it to change them. Yes, many of the people around you will initially attempt to change their approach/interaction or view you in a certain light, etc; however, if you are not consciously or subconsciously changing, those around you will slowly adapt to the way you respond or the way the energy flows around them AND they will seek to see the you beyond the sex. Case and point, I'm a naked person and I always have been. Regularly, I used to have guests (usually people coming over with my sister or my best friend) come to my home and not only would I not get dressed but I would conduct myself in the same way I would had a been fully dressed. Initially, of course, people were taken aback by that behavior- seeing that I would sit butt-naked, in front of them- many, complete strangers- having a very normal conversation (though they would be forewarned before they even entered by whomever they were arriving with) without even mentioning anything about my nakedness and candidly answering any questions about my ability to be naked in front of them or about tattoos or body piercings and diving right back into general conversation- but would usually ease up and embrace the fact that my nakedness was of no consequence to their visit or our conversation. I then became just a woman with very interesting stories and an array of knowledge to share who they actually enjoyed. I don't know if that fit in at ALL...so excuse me if I completely missed the marker. *hugs*
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  #752  
Old 02-05-2011, 09:38 AM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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Am I too late for the group hug?
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  #753  
Old 02-05-2011, 07:52 PM
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Group hugs for ever... how's that

feeling cautiously optimistic today.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
Lots of talking, lots of openness and, somehow or another, I feel really good because for some unknown reason Redpepper feels better....

I am so confused but happy to seemingly get this elephant out of the room....I really have no clue what just happened but I feel lighter

And no..it was not sex..I can't have sex when I am not connected...but now I am feeling REALLY connected!!
yessss, welllll, connection indeed

I am feeling better. We had a turn in the cross roads yesterday as a result of days of sombre, quiet, sullen sadness on my part. We put emotion aside and pretty much said "fuck it" and talked as openly as we could. I learned some stuff that I hadn't considered (for mono to tell not me) and strategized about things he has compromised on that I couldn't do before now. He stategized about my compromises too.

We have come to the agreement that if he ever feels differently about Leo then he will let me know. Until then, I will not touch him other than a friendly way and not allow him to touch me....

WOW, so simple yet so big! I had thought that that was it... no no no... absolutely under no circumstance would I ever have a hope in hell of actively showing love and affection to another man I care about. He, it seems, thought that he had to suck it up and deal with it in order to allow me to be who I am. I am willing to wait until the cows come home on this as long as he is willing to shift his opinion if he finds himself feeling for Leo as he does for PN and Derby. There is no promise here, just some hope for me. I just needed hope. I don't intend to pressure Mono. Leo is not worth pushing the issue on, we will be just fine being friends if it is to be that way. It is more the idea of what he could be that is the issue.

I went from being a tightly tethered horse to a horse in a pasture again in one conversation while grocery shopping.

Ahhhhhh, I can fucking breath!!!!

I'm so fucked up.

(I am wondering now how many poly people are saying to themselves, "I too just need hope that I can expand on my love in the world" and how many mono people are saying "seriously? That is all you needed? hope that you can show affection to some guy?"
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Last edited by redpepper; 02-05-2011 at 08:08 PM.
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  #754  
Old 02-05-2011, 07:55 PM
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Derbylicious Derbylicious is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
(I am wondering now how many poly people are saying to themselves, "I too just need hope that I can expand on my love in the world" and how many mono people are saying "seriously? That is all you needed? hope that you can show affection to some guy?"
I think this one little statement changes things back from a rule to a boundary (and I know that boundaries are a place where you are comfortable). It doesn't change anything in the moment but it does leave the conversation open to be revisited at a later time.
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Last edited by redpepper; 02-05-2011 at 08:10 PM.
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  #755  
Old 02-05-2011, 07:58 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Yes, I feel that way often.

We all (people) need hope. When something is laid out in black and white, it terminates hope.
When something is "for now" and leaves the possibility that other colors may come-hope is regained.

Great job!
You both worked hard through that and found it.
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  #756  
Old 02-05-2011, 08:11 PM
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Originally Posted by Derbylicious View Post
I think this one little statement changes things back from a rule to a boundary (and I know that boundaries are a place where you are comfortable). It doesn't change anything in the moment but it does leave the conversation open to be revisited at a later time.
exactly!
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  #757  
Old 02-05-2011, 08:12 PM
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Great job!
You both worked hard through that and found it.
thanks LR still at it...
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  #758  
Old 02-05-2011, 10:01 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
Leo is not worth pushing the issue on . . .
That's interesting, RP. What if he were someone you felt merited a pushback? Wondering if you would still be satisfied with Mono's terms. Not trying to throw a wrench in the works, just curious. Since Leo isn't "worth" fighting for, does that make it easier to acquiesce?

Glad you feel at a comfortable place with everything now.
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Last edited by nycindie; 02-05-2011 at 10:58 PM.
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  #759  
Old 02-05-2011, 11:07 PM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
Wondering if you would still be satisfied with Mono's terms. .
We also looked at comprises that would enable Redpepper and Leo to express themselves the way they have been recently. Redpepper has chosen her path in this based on what she wants. I was, and still am, open to looking at ways for them to continue. Our relationship is based on both our terms.

One day maybe she will need to push beyond our limits. At that time we will see if we can find balance in our comprises...there is always a state of give and take. Who knows what that will look like but we will do as we always do and communicate our way through the difficult times just as we have done here
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  #760  
Old 02-05-2011, 11:11 PM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
What if he were someone you felt merited a pushback? .
I'm a little confused by this...I never pushed to begin with. We had boundaries. They were pushed. We adapted. There was change but it didn't come from me.
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