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  #731  
Old 02-03-2011, 07:08 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is online now
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Oh my my,
honey-don't you know you don't have to make yourself into the "bad guy" in order to not make Mono the "bad guy".

You can take responsibility for making a choice that while it did serve one or more of your "personal needs" didn't serve your life choice.
But you don't need to demean yourself for it.

You both (well you ALL actually) have different needs/thoughts/feelings/desires and relationships are built upon compromise.

I'm proud of you for sharing all of this-it's not easy to make yourself so vulnerable.

But honey-you aren't mono. Haha, I understand what you're trying to say-but it's a... (no disrespect, just lack a good word) lie that you are giving to yourself in a sense of guilt and shame.

You are quite simply-YOU. Nothing more, nothing less.
You are doing the best you can and sometimes that doesn't live up to the goals you have.
That's ok, that means you can grow.

Hugs!

As for writing on here-read the last bit of Ari's thread, I think we well covered that the dynamic of your relationship doesn't impact your right to write here OR our desire for you to (or Ari or Mono or anyone else for that matter).
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  #732  
Old 02-03-2011, 07:15 AM
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there's no sigh emoticon....not sure what else to say.
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  #733  
Old 02-03-2011, 07:22 AM
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I know! I get so frustrated that I can't make the emoticons I have in yahoo work here. I know there is a way-cause Ari has the coolest ones, but I don't "get it" and I'm not energized enough to teach myself-yet.


Mono-RP,

XO

That's all I can say.
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  #734  
Old 02-03-2011, 07:51 AM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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Good luck. It's hard sometimes when you make a decision you feel is best for everyone involved, and yet will hurt people (and might hurt you as well) until you can get over the changes brought on by said decision.
But it's good that you can listen to yourself and make choices that match who you are. And because we are fluid, our relationships should be, as well. We change, and nobody should be stuck in a situation due to who they used to be.

Good luck to all of you and I hope you will be happy in your new situation.
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  #735  
Old 02-03-2011, 01:24 PM
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Since this is your blog and is therefore a support only thread, I doubt you'll get any "judgment" here. We all have to make the decisions that work best for us and our families.

However, if you wanted to start a thread or 2 on the open forum about transitioning to poly-fi from a more open relationship style, and also address your new interest in following rules instead of having boundaries, I'm sure there would be interest.
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  #736  
Old 02-03-2011, 01:58 PM
bella123456 bella123456 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
Since this is your blog and is therefore a support only thread, I doubt you'll get any "judgment" here. We all have to make the decisions that work best for us and our families.

However, if you wanted to start a thread or 2 on the open forum about transitioning to poly-fi from a more open relationship style, and also address your new interest in following rules instead of having boundaries, I'm sure there would be interest.
I reckon it would also be of interest. Especially if that thread could also carry an absence of judgement.

Most people here already feel judgement to a large degree...in our public lives. I find it's one of the biggest struggles.
It would seem really unhealthy if any of us end up in a position where we are judging each other.

Magdlyn - the "however" in your statement seemed to suggest judgement would be ok somewhere else. I think I have probably misread it, or potentially the second paragraph could have worked well without "however"
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  #737  
Old 02-03-2011, 02:51 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
PN was concerned that I wanted him in my life and that time would be divided even more tightly. When I assured him that it wouldn't and that nothing had changed in that respect he was okay... worried about Mono, but okay. Derby I don't think is concerned at all about what I did... at least she hasn't said as much and we have talked about it lots. I asked her and she made some comments but none that make me think she is worried about it all.
You're right that I'm not worried about what happened with Leo. What I do worry about is you and Mono and how the two of you are doing. I saw the both of you right after it happened last week and neither of you looked terribly well. I also honestly see that in this point in both your lives you need each other.

For what it's worth I don't see a bad guy in this situation at all. Both of you are simply responding in a way that is your nature. You're both good people who want what's best for each other. Now that the desision has been made I think it's just time to get back to living life. You'll tell Leo when the time feels right. There isn't a rush since you're not seeing him for another month.
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  #738  
Old 02-03-2011, 03:40 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bella123456 View Post
I reckon it would also be of interest. Especially if that thread could also carry an absence of judgement.

Most people here already feel judgement to a large degree...in our public lives. I find it's one of the biggest struggles.
It would seem really unhealthy if any of us end up in a position where we are judging each other.

Magdlyn - the "however" in your statement seemed to suggest judgement would be ok somewhere else. I think I have probably misread it, or potentially the second paragraph could have worked well without "however"
I'm not going to quibble over the RP's use of the word judgment and my use of the word interest.
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Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

The single biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has taken place. --Shaw

me: Mags, female, pansexual, 59, loving and living with
miss pixi, female, pansexual, 37
I am in a somewhat new relationship with Luka
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  #739  
Old 02-03-2011, 04:50 PM
vodkafan vodkafan is offline
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Hi RP no judgement here just hope you and your chosen family are OK. You are always honest and have integrity so you are in no way a fake anything.
I have always enjoyed when you hit someone else (including me) with the honesty bat in your posts, you are a huge asset to this forum.
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  #740  
Old 02-03-2011, 05:55 PM
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Thanks all for the words of encouragment.

I had a dream last night with some dom\sub content. I'm not sure what happened but a change occurred in me. More to follow if anything comes of it. I'm pretty sure it has something to do with my feelings of disempowerment.

Thing is with this all is that it is more symbolic than about leo... Also don't know where that is going either. I am good with this, it just seems to be settling in like a symbol that I am owned by my partners rather than involved with them as an equal. Stupid and untrue, but I think its the feminist in me coming out.

Mags, a thread on transitions between mono to open or poly, from poly to poly fi and poly fi to open poly is completely valid and worth discussing. Please feel free to start a thread on that. I would be interested in reading. Contributing. Don't I don't know about yet though.
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