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  #701  
Old 01-26-2011, 09:09 PM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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About the double standard between male partners and female partners... I wonder if some females have such a standard for their bi (or pan) male partners, and if so, if they have problems with other females, or with other males?
I think the answer would be interesting.
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  #702  
Old 01-26-2011, 09:34 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
This would be respectful to RP, I think.



I know I sometimes come off as uncaring or unable to understand. If that was the case I wouldn't even bother to put any effort into our intimate relationship and let it fade away. I try my best to show respect through being honest and not denying how I feel or pretending to be ok with things that interfere with the shape of my connection with her. I don't do things for the sake of control or to inflict pain on Redpepper. I love her in a way that is much different than anyone else before. Her friendship is without rival and I will do almost anything to maintain that. If that means no longer enjoying her physical intimacy than that is worth it to me. As long as she continues to feel I am worthy of her intimate affection I will enjoy it and never take a day for granted.
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Last edited by MonoVCPHG; 01-26-2011 at 10:45 PM.
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  #703  
Old 01-26-2011, 10:14 PM
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Yes magdyln, I'm talking domme/mistress rather than the secret lover mistress.

I wrote on here about what happened the night Leo came over and the results shortly after. It was not a set up on my end. I made popcorn, bought his favorite beer, had his favorite crackers and cheese. I spent time, with Mono's help, getting some movies together to chose from.... He has spent hundreds on nights out with me I wanted to return some treats to him and make things special.

What happened was the computer kept crashing and we started talking in between times of it booting up again. If we had gotten into the movie, we would of been fine. We were fine. It was the energy between us I hadn't banked on more than anything. It was too much for Mono who is a hermit in his house. Having anyone over at all was pushing it. He does really well letting people into his space considering. He is very generously been willing to allow people to pass through it to get to my room.

Now I won't have people down there other than my partners. Not for any extent of time anyway. Its just better that way.
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Last edited by redpepper; 01-27-2011 at 12:20 AM.
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  #704  
Old 01-27-2011, 12:33 AM
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Angry Mono is mono to himself

Mono and I meet for coffee at home after our days work almost everyday. We are off at the same time and have a couple of hours to ourself as a result. Today was no different.

We were sitting on the sectional in the living room with cats around us and the guinea pig, pistachio on my lap. Lots of chatting and discussing about work, the forum, what our plans are for the next week... blah blah blah and pistachio starts fidgeting. Usually this means he needs to pee so I adjusted his pad underneath his bum. Mono and I started kissing and leading up to something more. I wasn't paying attention and all of a sudden the pistachio lets go of a big pee that was aimed right at and into my coffee cup that I was holding beside him. It also got on my clothes and some on Mono...

What does Mono do? Jumps up instantly and takes off to the bathroom leaving me with a wet leg, a wet Pistachio, and piss all over my arm and in my coffee. I yelled out to him "hey! what the fuck are you doing? You just left me here." He says, "Ya?I got a drop of pee on me and I'm washing my hands."

Needless to say he didn't get laid.... and neither did I... good thing too as PN showed up a few minutes later at the front door. Home early.





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  #705  
Old 01-27-2011, 12:45 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Har-har!! Guinea pig pee in your coffee cup is just one of those things you cannot prepare yourself for!
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/
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  #706  
Old 01-27-2011, 12:57 AM
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Sorry I shouldn't be laughing at the guinea pig incident. All I can think is at least you knew that there was pee in your coffee before you drank it! Not a fun end to your day at all! Hope you have a lovely evening though...see you tomorrow xoxox
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  #707  
Old 01-27-2011, 12:57 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dingedheart View Post
Was this an attempt to desensitize mono to the eventual consequence of dating Leo and or other men? When you all discussed the moving in of Mono was this always something that he knew was going to happen? ie bedroom dates with guys. Do you and Leo talk about this boundary softening or coming down someday.... hey I'm working on him type of thing.
These are good questions. It wasn't an attempt to desensitize Mono, although I sometimes forget, when things have been humming along for awhile, that he is not like me. I forget that he is not PN and that my antics; the ones I once had in terms of flirting and teasing men and then sleeping with them, are not wanted... that energy is not appreciated where with PN he understands and thinks I am funny. I forget, what can I say... I'm old... as one of my clients points out everyday I work with her.

We did discuss who would come to my room and set some boundaries around how this would work. They were that I would always ask and indicate the reason for someone being invited to my room. I would not have people staying over night there other than partners... like friends from out of town for instance. I was not going to pester him about having someone come to my room and that he would be hospitable as they passed through his place and that was all.

It turned out that he was okay with chatting for a bit, showing people around. He showed Leo the door he was putting in for instance and they chatted for a bit. We also realized that I would need to put the beer I bought somewhere and I asked if it was okay to use his plates and fridge... etc for Leo and others coming over. Bathroom trips were discussed after a time as obviously people need to use the bathroom... yup, lots to negotiate. Things come up, that is how it is... the point was to talk about it as soon as possible and respect the boundaries. Energy boundaries are different. I can't help having energy with someone.... so no people I have energy with in my room...

Yes, Leo and I talk about it all a lot... there are posts of me going on about it too much as for him it wasn't as big a deal. I wanted to know where his wife was at, but it turns out is a non-issue. Why should it be, I am not going to have sex with him and she has no problem with my love for him... just the sex part. So she was kinda done with the topic within days.

We do talk about whether or not the boundaries will change, but I always say that they likely won't and that there should be no expectation that they will. I don't want him to get the wrong impression and I want him to want to be with me because he wants to be with me, not because he might get to fuck me one day... know what I mean?

Good luck on your thing dingheart...thanks for writing. Any time you want to talk more personally let me know. Thanks to Tonberry, Bella et al. thanks too for writing. I appreciate any thoughts that people want to give.
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Last edited by redpepper; 01-27-2011 at 01:00 AM.
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  #708  
Old 01-27-2011, 04:58 AM
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We have a doorway!! It came in handy for me to go upstairs and provide Redpepper and Leo computer support for their movie datenight. I gave him a hug and assured him we are good. If there was anyone I trust enough with RP's heart it is him.....I know this....If only it was just about that No need to dwell on that right now though, reveling in our new freedom between suites!
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  #709  
Old 01-27-2011, 05:14 AM
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Thumbs up

No more cold walks outside
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  #710  
Old 01-27-2011, 05:30 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Derbylicious View Post
No more cold walks outside
Woohoo!
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