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  #61  
Old 08-12-2010, 05:41 AM
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Default coming out.

http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=721

Above is to the link of my coming out to my parents...

I have been out to them for a year now and wanted to give an update... It's my mum's birthday this Friday the 13th and it marks the days before we were forced to come out last year as they were in belief the Mono was abusing my boy.

The rest to come in an update in the next days.
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  #62  
Old 08-12-2010, 02:46 PM
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[url]It's my mum's birthday this Friday the 13th and it marks the days before we were forced to come out last year as they were in belief the Mono was abusing my boy.

.
I remember that day pretty clearly. Polynerdist just got back into town and the three of us sat down. He was completely clear about what needed to be done. "W have to tell them" he said. There was no hesitation in his voice. He was livid that they would accuse me of that. I remember us sitting around wording e-mails to them afterwards. We worked as a team to bridge the gap created....and we succeeded
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  #63  
Old 08-12-2010, 08:59 PM
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Default Inspiration to keep going

You have been on this particular journey as long as I have been on mine (maybe a month or two more). I was brought to this forum at the urging of 2Rings and later Kattails. They had been following your journey a bit longer. Right away I felt welcomed and inspired by you and Nerdist and Mono...then Derby and Roly- not to mention Ari and LovingRadiance and Maca and GG. At first I thought this concept is insane. These people have lost their minds. But the more I read and posted, the more connections I made the happier I felt in my life and my choice to pursue this poly lifestyle. I have made some very dear friends who understand me in ways I never thought plausible. I don't feel so isolated.I don't feel so guilty. Redpepper, I am so glad you put this all out there because without these glimpses into your life, I would feel very uneasy and lost in mine. You give me hope, and you have showed now that it is not all roses and free love. That it is hard work...continuous hardwork. But also that the payoff is a tremendous feeling of ecstasy of spirit and perfection of life. You don't make it seem easy... but you do make it seem possible. Keep blogging the good and the bad. You give us great inspiration.
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  #64  
Old 08-13-2010, 07:03 AM
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Mono and Nerdist have been talking via email and I am grateful to here that Nerdist doesn't have a hate on for Mono... I think he really didn't realize the depth of what we have and how I am in the middle of them and pulled. Even though I talk about it, he didn't empathize entirely with what I have been saying.

When I leave the house to go to Mono he just fills his time up. I go to a different life. Mono described it as Nerdist and I's house being a city and his place being a town/suburb... one can travel back and forth and both rely on each other. I said to him after that this was not true entirely. Mono is a town, and Nerdist is town. I travel between the two... I am a traveler wanting to settle down. I don't see it in terms of houses, but in terms of people. My time and energy is divided... sigh.... I don't know how many times I have to say it. But I will keep saying it. That won't change... only I can.
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  #65  
Old 08-13-2010, 07:07 AM
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thanks for your post MG, nope, it is no bed of roses all the time... we have had many strained moments. That is what it is all about though... or I wouldn't do it. I tell you, there are definitely days when I just want to throw my hands up and leave it all behind... I have done that before several times in my life, but this is worth keeping healthy and safe.
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  #66  
Old 08-14-2010, 03:18 AM
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thanks for your post MG, nope, it is no bed of roses all the time... we have had many strained moments. That is what it is all about though... or I wouldn't do it. I tell you, there are definitely days when I just want to throw my hands up and leave it all behind... I have done that before several times in my life, but this is worth keeping healthy and safe.
i know that feeling. heartbreak/frustration/exasperation. it is worth it and in the end all the troubles seem silly once you reach that happiness again. love ain't for the faint of heart!
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Old 08-14-2010, 01:51 PM
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Redpepper, I just had a thought. Have you been taking time for YOU through this whole process? PN & Mono are both huge parts of your life but YOU are your life! Have you taken time to do your own grieving in the loss of Roly?

It sounds a bit like you are trying to be there for everyone else and not taking the time to be there for yourself.

I know you said something about renting a room from your tertiary so it could be your studio and a safe haven for you. This would be wonderful but in the meantime is there no way you could maybe take a walk in the park by yourself or take a long bubble bath, a spa day, something so you can reconnect with the inner you, the you that makes you who you really are. (NO, travelling time from PN to mono, to work, etc. does NOT count as 'you' time.)

I'm the type that needs that 'me' time on a regular basis or my whole world will quickly turn upside down. Those few hours once a week are part of what keeps me sane in an insane world.
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Old 08-14-2010, 03:19 PM
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I travel between the two... I am a traveler wanting to settle down. I don't see it in terms of houses, but in terms of people. My time and energy is divided... sigh.... I don't know how many times I have to say it. But I will keep saying it. That won't change... only I can.
This is my life too......going from town to town. The one difference is that I have never co-habitated with any of my lovers. So- for me, it's normal. I have never expected anything more and I've gotten used to it. I like having several towns to visit- going back and forth. I do have my own place, however and I live here alone, so I have settled down too. I think I understand how it would feel to not be settled down, but I'm not sure.
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Old 08-14-2010, 04:34 PM
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I think you might understand idealist. I am feeling like you, but don't have a home of my own to be in.

Since I've had a child I have felt like my room with PN (like that better than Nerdist, thanks breathes ) isn't mine. I spent tons of time with the baby and he had the bed and room to himself. Now I am at Mono's two nights a week I feel like our room is even less mine.

I have never enjoyed sharing a room. We never planned on even living together when we married even, it just kind of happened. Now I feel like there is no space for just me. If and when Mono lives in the basement suite I would have a room there. Its a two bedroom apartment and we would open up the whole house again with an indoor door to the place so that I can go up and down the stairs. This idea causes some problems for PN because it would be like I would be living with Mono. He is worried that he and I would lose our connection.

You're right Breathes, I do need time for myself. I take it in little bits, but I don't really have anywhere to go. It feels rather pathetic actually. I was hoping my tersiary would let me vacation in the room at his house for a day or two next week, but I haven't heard from him. That isn't uncommon and his world IS turned up side down, I don't want to push.

I think I might plan a trip to visit my ex in Utah. I haven't been there yet and it means I get to go to Vegas. Never been anywhere along the west coast of the states, it could be just what I need. A break is sometimes as good as a break.
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  #70  
Old 08-14-2010, 05:04 PM
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Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
I think you might understand idealist. I am feeling like you, but don't have a home of my own to be in.

Since I've had a child I have felt like my room with PN (like that better than Nerdist, thanks breathes ) isn't mine. I spent tons of time with the baby and he had the bed and room to himself. Now I am at Mono's two nights a week I feel like our room is even less mine.

I have never enjoyed sharing a room. We never planned on even living together when we married even, it just kind of happened. Now I feel like there is no space for just me. If and when Mono lives in the basement suite I would have a room there. Its a two bedroom apartment and we would open up the whole house again with a. Indoor door to the place so that I can go up and down the stairs. This idea causes some problems for PN because it would be like I would be living with Mono. He is worried that he and I would lose our connection.
You're right breathes, I do need time for myself. I take it in little bits, but I don't really have anywhere to go. It feels rather pathetic actually. I was hoping my tersiary would let me vacation in the room at his house for a day or two next week, but I haven't heard from him. That isn't uncommon and his world IS turned up side down, I don't want to push.

I think I might plan a trip to visit my ex in Utah. I haven't been there yet and it means I get to go to Vegas. Never been anywhere along the west coast of the states, it could be just what I need. A break is sometimes as good as a break.
You're quite welcome although I won't take the credit, others have been calling Poly Nerdist PN from the beginning of this thread so I just followed suit .

Why not check into bed & breakfasts in your area? Go to one for a day & night or a weekend and just be?

Sometimes absence is good for the soul AND the relationship .

Right now it sounds like RP needs to take care of RP.

We have the same problem here with space or the lack of. It's a two bedroom apartment with one belonging to the kids & one to Breathes & myself. I don't have a place where I can go and just be without kicking someone out of a room somewhere along the way although they all know that if I'm in the bedroom alone & the door is closed it had better be life or death in order to enter, lol, & even then they had better knock!

I discovered, as a teen, that writing can be very cathartic. I'm glad you've discovered it . It helps me, and probably others, to see that you (& the others in your life) are human too. You always have such good advice to give to those of us who ask questions so it's nice to give the support back once in a while.

I've found that on these forums, & online in general, it's easy to put others we talk with on a daily basis, or nearly so, on a pedestal because we don't see them in their day to day lives. We don't see, or hear, about the problems because we are reluctant to sound whiny (not that you are, it's how I perceive writing about my problems online) and not in control of our situation. We see the others as perfect, in that oh-so-wonderfully-perfect relationship, in our ideal relationship.

You get that time to yourself and I'll bet things will start looking rosy again and the solution to the current problem will present itself and you'll all be hitting your foreheads in astonishment that it was really such a simple solution in the end.
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