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  #561  
Old 12-18-2010, 12:58 PM
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You just saw It's a Wonderful Life for the first time???? Gosh, I've seen that movie at least a dozen times and I cry every time.

That little kid, Zuzu: "Daddy, teacher says, every time a bell rings, an angel gets its wings." Waahhh! So cute.

Why didn't I think to name one of my kids Zuzu?
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  #562  
Old 12-18-2010, 09:11 PM
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Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
You just saw It's a Wonderful Life for the first time???? Gosh, I've seen that movie at least a dozen times and I cry every time.

That little kid, Zuzu: "Daddy, teacher says, every time a bell rings, an angel gets its wings." Waahhh! So cute.

Why didn't I think to name one of my kids Zuzu?
ya never have, its not a British thing I think and I was raised British... I don't know a ton of Canadians that have watched it over and over... maybe once.

Good movie, but I guess it has a different effect when it's tradition.

Still working back and forth on boundaries and clarifying where we are at, but the intensity is over. We are back to regular dates and essentially where we were before... I hope that our group friendship will be the same. Who knows, maybe it will be a deeper friendship even.
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  #563  
Old 12-18-2010, 09:47 PM
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As I like to explain thing visually, I am just about done a visual depictions of how I see this cycle of ups and downs works. I'll add it to my relationship imagery album. I can be such ageek sometimes LOL
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  #564  
Old 12-19-2010, 08:24 AM
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I see it as like the movie "its a wonderful life." I watched it for the first time the night after I saw Leo. I feel like the man in the movie... I have everything but I was meant to be a great explorer. The world is out there and although I have something wonderful, every now and then I push to break out of it just for a bit to explore...


Hahahahahaha! It's A Wonderful Life...a Christmas tradition in my world. My cousin calls me George Bailey all the time! 2Rings and I have been watching old movies...the classics...Philadelphia Story is next. He has either never watched them or not all the way through. I will throw out these movie lines and he looks at me quizzically. So we are watching them. I had never seen Night of the Living Dead, so we did that after we visited a filming location, and then we watched Casablanca and To Kill a Mockingbird. Anyway I am off subject. Shaking it up a little every so often is good for the soul. Keep your adventurous nature! Who else is going to lasso the moon except us dreamers!
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  #565  
Old 12-19-2010, 10:02 PM
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I have been talking to Leo back and forth and have come to the conclusion that it will be easy for me to keep a non-sexual agreement because he identifies as a swinger. It seems to me that his wife is the center of his sexual and emotionally connected world and that anything else is sport and casualness. No love allowed in the equation except where she is concerned.

I don't seem to be able or willing to engage with anything that is not a loving connected sexual relationship so .... That is all great and it means that I will not be involved, even if there was opportunity. Bingo! I feel as if I have solved the confusion.

I had a really good talk with a well known and experienced slave and master last night. It was so good to be able to talk to people that are like minded in this way as I don't have the opportunity often. I don't involve Mono and I in the local scene as I find it gossipy, filled with drama and showy. I don't get the sense, in the 10 years of going to events that anyone who is out in the community at events is practicing with the same level of commitment and vulnerability as Mono and I do when we get a chance. The scene is mostly newbies and the more casual... All good, just not my taste ya know? That being said, he and I have a lot more work to do to really get to the depth of connected sub/dom relationship that we could. frustrating. We just don't have the time or space.

It caused me some envy listening to them talk of their play room and the equipment they have, where I only have the local events to go and play with such depth and they don't allow any open sexuality... I have been contemplating the idea of becoming a member just so we can have the opportunity to play as we do at home, but using the equipment the community provides at events. It would mean public nudity and open sexuality on Mono's part, so the choice is in his hands. I am not the type of mistress that pushes in terms of saying "you will do this regardless of your apprehension." It just isn't my mode of opperation.

My discussion with this couple lead to some interesting places as they are also swingers. They take the vulnerability of BDSM very seriously yet don't see swinging with the same respect. I found that interesting and somewhat validating as this was what my experience with swinging was like. The surface level of interaction didn't suit me. I find bodies interacting to be very vulnerable and emotional. The couple and I talked about that a bit and I told them my concerns for the amount of alcohol that people drank. They confirmed for me that there is a lot of scenes that don't involve safe sex and push people in a direction that could very well lead them to be in situations that perhaps they don't want to be in, because they are too drunk or not self aware enough to look after themselves. I suggested that perhaps there be more consideration on their part, more respect and empathy for those they engage with. I think it fell on deaf ears for the most part, although there was a glimmer of recognition in the masters eyes that he had not considered what I was talking about before now.
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Last edited by redpepper; 01-19-2012 at 06:51 AM.
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  #566  
Old 12-20-2010, 01:04 AM
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We'll have to take a look at the membership idea....I'm missing out too!
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  #567  
Old 12-20-2010, 01:13 AM
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We'll have to take a look at the membership idea....I'm missing out too!
yes you are baby.
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  #568  
Old 12-20-2010, 08:34 AM
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So more discussion with Leo. He seems to be really concerned that he doesn't understand how I could have sex with people I love only. It's not like I can help it. I just am that way. I have sex, I feel love. I feel love, I have sex... why is that so hard to understand I wonder? He asked me if I would have sex with someone I just met and don't know if there was a notion to. What is that suppose to mean; his asking that? I asked him why... now I wait. The answer, btw, was no, due to my circumstances, but I met Mono that way, so it's not beyond my realm of conception I guess.

I wonder what all this matters anyway, this talking about it thing... There seems to be some reason, yet I don't know what it is. I don't judge him. I don't want him to be like me, I don't want him to know anything other than it could be a course of struggle in the future if he and the wife take up swinging again in a sexual way, rather than a going to the events way.

I found a really cool article on polyswingers though. They seem to fit the bill entirely. I sent it to him... and await a response. This is the link http://schooloftantra.net/worldpolya...ySwingers.html

In other news, Derby is in Alberta with family. I am sure she is having a great time and I look forward to hearing about what thoughts and discussions came out of her drive. I also look forward to new years... apparently Leo and wife are invited... I will be shocked if they come. Derby and I get to kiss this year it's a bit of an anniversary as our smooching last year is how we ended up being together.

Mono and PN painted PN's room all day today as LB was away all weekend. It looks great and PN is glad to have it done. I missed hanging out with Mono today though. Not one moment of private time. I went to see Narnia with PN tonight and that topped of a great weekend. I think most of it spent in bed I am such a bed person... Nothing feels better than spending a day in bed. That doesn't happen ofter.

Onwards to a busy week of packing at work, and prep for Christmas. We got all the presents wrapped, all the food bought, all the extras done... now we wait and prep food. I am really looking forward to it all this year with my wonderful family.
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  #569  
Old 12-21-2010, 05:08 AM
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its been a week since the small glitch in an otherwise happy road. The men are watching transformer movies as they are off this week and have time and I am sitting here writing to Leo while his wife is out with a friend...

what a busy week. one of learning.
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  #570  
Old 12-23-2010, 06:56 PM
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My stress level is beyond these days. Getting up in the night to worry about work stuff in terms of organizing and our move, dealing with unhappy co-workers that have been glazed over in denial about moving and now are suddenly anxious, stressed and fucking crazy, doing a lot of physical work that is making me achy and tired beyond usual... not a good mix with sleepless nights. I've been snapping at my family, unable to participate in the Christmas merriment of their holiday time, haven't kept up with friends and family beyond our house... shall I go on?

My lovely J (ex wife) came over last night having come home from her schooling in the states. We all hung out and chatted, drank eggnog and rum...had some strange tea she brought back... we all sleepily snuggled on the couch laughing and catching up. Mono fell asleep on my shoulder. I was so content to just be... a small island of joy this week that I was so grateful for.
I was so pleased that they we're happy. J really can see that we are all okay and some. I was so glad that she was there to be part of that loving feeling.

The two guys are home this week and I have clocked out of house stuff/parenting (other than fun stuff)/christmas prep activities.... I just have to get them to greet me at the door with a "rusty nail," my slippers, offer of a comfy chair and the promise that they will take care of everything and everything would be complete.... *hint* *hint* one day left... Christmas eve.... here's hoping... we would be later for family dinner... but as long as they roll me into the car after my drink I would be fine with that.
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Last edited by redpepper; 12-23-2010 at 07:11 PM.
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