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  #301  
Old 09-29-2010, 11:15 PM
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Originally Posted by Mohegan View Post
RP if you get one from a hotel- BE CAREFUL. The states have a HUGE infestation of bed bugs. We've been lucky so far. But it's nasty!!!! Disinfect the hell out of it before you bring into your house.
This is not what I want to hear while I'm staying in a hotel!
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  #302  
Old 09-29-2010, 11:18 PM
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This is not what I want to hear while I'm staying in a hotel!
brand spanking new hotel you are in yes......

No bed bugs reported in that hotel or the one up here, as an fyi
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  #303  
Old 09-30-2010, 12:07 AM
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If you do get one from a hotel check the bedbug registry before buying!
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  #304  
Old 09-30-2010, 04:53 AM
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oh you are all so funny. the things that you all run with... thanks for the bed ideas... and just so you know it's Mono you want to hit up for clean up... PN is the BBQuer. I am a happy drunk that is happy to mix the drinks and do the grocery shop before hand.
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  #305  
Old 09-30-2010, 05:20 AM
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HI RP!

We've missed you today!!

XO
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  #306  
Old 09-30-2010, 06:42 AM
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I have known swingers to try and make me feel special. Now I am realizing it was false and all because they wanted to fuck me. I don't know if it was lies, but I don't trust men now when they complement me. It goes back to my thinking its a pathetic attempt to get laid and not that they admire me. We talked about it once before on here. I said I find men like that pathetic and got some shit from people for saying so.

It goes back to only fucking and making love to those I love and I know love me. That way no confusion and no damage. I got very confused before and thought all men loved me. not true but swinging can cause that illusion it turns out.
..........
"Man, I used to be one of these pathetic types, when I was a young guy, and I just cringe when I look back on those days now. For me it came down to just plain not valuing women for much except sex, and feeling justified somehow in deceiving them about my feelings and intentions to get it. But I never felt comfortable with the aftereffects of being such a prick in this way.

Your last paragraph really resonates with me these days; I don't want anybody in my bed unless I'm damn sure we both want to be there. That at the minimum we really relate to, and know each other, well."
http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=3811

I have been thinking about this post a lot. It really makes me realize that I am close to the end of a journey on this stuff. I think when I was swinging I re-lived some stuff around my youth that I had forgotten. It came up years later, after having been a lesbian for almost ten years and then married for almost ten. Re-entering the dating scene and allowing myself to say yes to people that were not worthy of what I had to offer was a turning point.

It wasn't until I met Mono and he reminded me that who I am was special that I realized I had hurt myself in the past and in the recent past as well. I panicked when I heard stuff about what others were doing and didn't know why. I started remembering things and reliving things that had happened and had to face them.

No one is to blame. Its a path that means more or less to others. It doesn't matter, what matters is that I will never, ever, ever allow a man to touch me again without full knowledge that I am loved and appreciated first. I will not allow myself to be in a situation where I am forced to say yes to something sexual out of guilt about saying no. I think I can safely say that I would understand situations differently now and be able to face them from a place of empowerment whereas before I was just confused by them.

As for being triggered? I think I am good now. I think. I suspect that something will come up that will make me shudder and want to vomit when I hear of younger people in situations where they could be possibly damaging themselves... but, I wouldn't be me if I didn't empathize. Even if its possibly false empathy.
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Last edited by redpepper; 09-30-2010 at 07:06 AM.
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  #307  
Old 09-30-2010, 01:55 PM
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As for being triggered? I think I am good now. I think. I suspect that something will come up that will make me shudder and want to vomit when I hear of younger people in situations where they could be possibly damaging themselves... but, I wouldn't be me if I didn't empathize. Even if its possibly false empathy.
The sad thing is that most of us damage ourselves in one way or another while we're growing up and it doesn't make a lick of difference what those older and wiser have to say. It is hard to watch, but then again none of us would be who we are now and know what we do about ourselves if we had been kept totally safe and sheltered and had listened when we were told that things were a bad idea and that we would regret them. One day some of them will be in your shoes feeling the same way about the next generation.
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  #308  
Old 10-01-2010, 12:23 AM
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They are gone. The house is empty downstairs. It feels different already. Mono and I did the final inspection and other than a hole punched into the wall, its clean and free of stuff.

I cried when we had settled. Its not as nice as Monos place I'm feeling completely overwhelmed by my feelings at the moment. Maybe it will just take time to adjust.
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  #309  
Old 10-01-2010, 01:47 AM
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It's a big change, it's a big step. But it will be a good step.
It's ok to grieve the loss and still enjoy the gains RP.
Give yourself freedom to have those emotions.


We were JUST talking about you all not 5 minutes ago.
(Maca and I)
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  #310  
Old 10-01-2010, 02:12 AM
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Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
They are gone. The house is empty downstairs. It feels different already. Mono and I did the final inspection and other than a hole punched into the wall, its clean and free of stuff.

I cried when we had settled. Its not as nice as Monos place I'm feeling completely overwhelmed by my feelings at the moment. Maybe it will just take time to adjust.
It's actually a very nice suite and I have already noticed how small my apartment is. I don't show excitement like some people Lilo, but I am excited and looking forward to this new chapter...and picking out paint!

I have a wood burning stove, I bigger and nicer kitchen, access to a yard, a place to wash my bike, a shared space with my Life Love and I am closer to Polynerdist and my little buddy. My apartment doesn't compare to that package

PLUS...I get kisses good night!
I love you, change is always unsettling...but we're solid and up for it Bbay
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