Redpepper's journey

[Breathesgirl]

Originally Posted by redpepper

Hey! I lived in port credit, mississaugs berse Toronto! Where are you Breathes?

I'm in Kitchener .

The most dreaded time of year, for me any way, is one month away. Oktoberfest! Bleh!

[Ariakas]

Originally Posted by Breathesgirl

I'm in Kitchener .

The most dreaded time of year, for me any way, is one month away. Oktoberfest! Bleh!

Drool....beer wench girls, beer and sausage...I love that time of year.

[ImaginaryIllusion]

Originally Posted by Ariakas

...beer wench girls, beer and sausage...

well... 2 out of 3 ain't bad....but you lost me on the last one.

[Derbylicious]

Originally Posted by ImaginaryIllusion

well... 2 out of 3 ain't bad....but you lost me on the last one.

Don't knock it till you try it

[anotherbo]

Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG

A group where couples/tribes talk about their day to day lives and issues as opposed to theoretical discussions would be like group therapy I would think. I also think people would embrace it....very clever

Originally Posted by redpepper

My friend hit the nail on the head tonight when I told him about this group idea... he asked,

"a lot more talk of actual stuff going on than theoretical discussion?"

That is exactly it. I think I am ready to discuss theory in terms of practice more in real life... its great to on here, but limited.

This is exactly what I'm hoping to find locally. Online you can reach more people with the same issues, but you just can't get the same level of communication if you're not face-to-face.

But don't call it group therapy if you want any guys to attend!

"What's a real man's idea of group therapy? World War II." ~ Nelson DeMille


Anotherbo

[Breathesgirl]

Originally Posted by Ariakas

Drool....beer wench girls, beer and sausage...I love that time of year.

Trade ya!

I hate riding the bus that time of year! Drunkards permeat the place, throw up on the bus & are generally every where I am.

I guess part of my problem is I don't drink & I am claustrophobic so don't like crowds.

I shall be avoiding the downtown core as much as humanly possibly during those ten days, that's for sure, unfortunately the bus terminal is in the downtown core .

[MonoVCPHG]

Originally Posted by anotherbo

"What's a real man's idea of group therapy? World War II." ~ Nelson DeMille


Anotherbo

HAHA! I know war isn't funny but with 20 years in the military I can completely see the ironic humour in this.

[inlovewith2]

Originally Posted by anotherbo

As someone who has suffered disabling depression on-and-off (mostly on) for my entire life, I'd like to share what I know about my own depression.

When I am deeply depressed, there is really no point trying to do anything about it except relax, wait it out, and look for those moments when I am capable of enjoying anything. Then I try to do something that will boost my energy/mood. It usually has to be something fun, but if it can also be exercise, eating well, or something else inherently good for me, that is a plus.

Personally, I get enormously frustrated when other people in my life try to advance, or even suggest, solutions to me when I'm really down. Though therapy, medication, exercise, lifestyle changes etc. have been helpful to me personally, trying to set something like that in motion while already deeply depressed just drains my energy further.

I'd be so much more active in dealing with my depression, if I wasn't so damn depressed!

Anotherbo

Anotherbo,

Your post was very timely. As I've shared, I have suffered from debilitating depression on and off for years. And I too get so frustrated when people make it sound "easy" to get better. It's not!!! I mean, I've tried naturopathy, acupuncture, chiropractic care, drugs, you name it. You can't say that I haven't tried. The paradox is that when you are depressed, it's difficult to do anything, much less self-affirming things and when you come out of it, it seems unnecessary. I really try to put safeguards in place when I am feeling well in the event that it changes.

My individual therapist said to me last week "well, you aren't going to kill yourself" and I wanted to scream at her "no, but what the hell kind of measure of health is that?". Jeesh. Our couples' therapist scored big points when she acknowledged how awful this felt (overall, my individual therapist is pretty great).

And awesome DW made a connection that I had not made as to a trigger for the depression (because I had been doing really well). Sometimes I think it takes an outside perspective to point something out, but we have to be in a place where we can receive it and that can vary from moment to moment, ime!!!

But know that there are those who understand at least the basics of what you are experiencing and are here to listen!!!!!

Hugs,

[redpepper]

I wrote this in response to a BDsm event I went to this past weekend and wanted to start documenting what I say on other threads as a way to remember them...

Originally Posted by redpepper

It's very serious Mono. I take it very seriously. I also take peoples requests very seriously also. I played with our friend last night also and although others asked I knew she had asked for the right reasons. Her and I have talked at length about what it would mean to her and she knows I don't do it for show or for control. I do it for my own release as much as the one I play with. I derive huge pleasure from knowing that I am giving an out for those I play with.

In the case of my friend I know she would not allow things to continue if she felt she was being used in some way or felt she wasn't getting out of it what she wanted. She would stop play. I know she would by the fact that she has with other people in a recreational sex way.

With you Mono, there is huge understanding. I can read you and you me. I keep at you with questions if I think there is something up.... we rely on each other to keep each other safe. Our D/s is a truly balanced relationship. You are the best subby ever. no doubt about it.

I don't go to events to be watched, although I know I am... I go to use the equipment and see friends. I like to dress up, don't get me wrong, but when it comes down to business I am gone, lost in the moment, whatever the terminology is.... I don't keep track of what words I am suppose to use. I find the terminology restrictive. Last night was no different.

I was disturbed last night as I watched those engaged in their displays of dominance and submission. A lot of people were keen on the drama of it all and liked to be watched. Others were there to either find a dom or find a sub. A select few were there to actually engage in a power exchange that was balanced.

I notice almost every time a dom seemingly pushing a sub farther than I can see they want to be pushed... As I watched last night I noticed a sub agreeing to more of a beating because she seemed to want to be agreeable. Something I would do all too often in the past when I subbed. I used to do this with sex also, I know the look and I know the look of the one asking for more.

My friends I were with said, "no she is in sub space." I disagreed. If she was in sub space then she would have a lost look in her eyes, not complete terror, resignation and then vacancy, in that order. The dom didn't notice as he was just way too thrilled to be allowed to beat her more. Yes, she agreed, so why wouldn't he... he had only met her though, how would he know the subtleties she presented?

Like sex, I think I am just as much an advocate for not playing until one knows ones play partner. And then keeping full tabs on them until being completely sure they are okay. BAH! When does it end. I ended up looking away. Completely triggered and self talking that it had nothing to do with me. Maybe avoiding looking should be my vow from now on. That would be like a hockey player vowing not to watch a hockey game right in front of them if they were at an arena! I vowed to be the best damned dom ever instead. All my own learning. All my own journey. Nothing to do with anyone else.

[geminigirl]

This post is fantastic, RP, thank you so much. You should really post this on a fetish site as it's very valuable information regarding consent and personal responsibility in bdsm relationships.

I've been engaging in bdsm play for over 20 years and am frequently appalled at the number of people who will cross their own boundaries because they feel pressured in a social situation. I take my role as a Domme (when I am Domming and not subbing) very seriously and expect my submissives to communicate to me beforehand what their boundaries are; while I play I watch for signals to make sure it's all good. This particular party challenged me because I wasn't expecting to Domme anyone but I ended up doing it anyway. Good fun, but sooooo tiring!

I've seen you at parties and have the utmost respect and admiration for your bdsm ethics. Yet another reason I'm glad to know you.