Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Life stories and blogs

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1171  
Old 12-24-2011, 03:45 AM
Arrowbound's Avatar
Arrowbound Arrowbound is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Tri-State
Posts: 275
Default

Oh Red... I feel for you. That seems to be a common train of thought among men: they usually just pick up and do whatever it is no matter what people will think or say.

That is something I have finally tapped into after years and years of holding my tongue and holding back so I don't hurt anybody. I got to a breaking point though. You will too.

*hugs*
Reply With Quote
  #1172  
Old 12-24-2011, 07:34 PM
redpepper's Avatar
redpepper redpepper is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,658
Default

Arrowbound- I am going by what my co-worker is doing. She is faced with the same issue and she decided to just ignore all the stuff that hasn't been done and do what she needed to do. I admire her ability to ride above it. I see it like shovelling snow. If I don't get on it it overwhelms and I am unable to push the shovel any more. But who says I can't just walk on top of it... it eventually packs down. Trying to be lighter and walk on top of the snow today. So far so good.

Here is PN's new article on his website. So proud of him. Maybe someone here will find it interesting? Total spam here, but whatever, I'm posting anyway

loss and transformation
__________________
Anyone want to be friends on Facebook?
Send me your name via PM
My blog
Reply With Quote
  #1173  
Old 12-27-2011, 06:58 PM
redpepper's Avatar
redpepper redpepper is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,658
Default

This is a bit of a vent as I have a need to get it out.

Christmas Day was a challenge for me as I organized a brunch and no one showed up (besides my immediate family) because they were all Skyping my Welsh relatives at my parents house a few houses down. They didn't think to call me over or call and tell me that they wouldn't be showing up. I was hurt and angry for most of the day. This kind of lack of consideration is common in my family and I have had many issues created over my life time because of it. I dealt with those Christmas day. It affirmed to me that the value I have on consideration/empathy/compassion (all forms) is a big one for me as is my need to feel as if I "belong." Lots of thoughts around all of that in the last few days.

I had many emails, texts and further communications though from people who do consider me and love me. I was overwhelmed with love from people and finally got to have a long chat with my aunt on Boxing day. All good.

I had a really great conversation yesterday with my Christian father about Pagan and Christian tradition. We have been having an ongoing conversation for years now and this was the first one that he stopped and really listened to what I was saying (another family issue; not being listened to). I was thrilled that we could communicate about all of it without his face being blank and my becoming frustrated and walking away because of what I consider his lack of interest in my life. It was a deep topic and a difficult one for him and he stayed present and we both contributed. Like adults.

Ah, family

Onwards into the New Year!

Spent lots of time with my men and my ex wife this Christmas. It was thoroughly enjoyable and filled with much laughter, love and fun. LB had a great time too. Lots of loving family around him. I felt truly blessed.
__________________
Anyone want to be friends on Facebook?
Send me your name via PM
My blog
Reply With Quote
  #1174  
Old 12-28-2011, 06:31 AM
SNeacail's Avatar
SNeacail SNeacail is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Near Disneyland
Posts: 1,681
Default

Oh family indeed ! Hugs!
Reply With Quote
  #1175  
Old 12-31-2011, 06:54 PM
redpepper's Avatar
redpepper redpepper is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,658
Default

PN just sent me this link that is not Poly related but redpepper related.

Happy New year to those that follow along with that kinda thing.

Off to Derby's tonight for some jello shooter fun and frivolity. As if I need more gluttony. I am so ready to stop eating and drinking so much. Next week its back on the wagon or work and eating well. I am looking forward to that. I think it might take some time to curb my well established addiction to shortbread though. Baby steps. I saved some for those down fall moments so I can ease off gradually.

This month is full of busy times. As usual. I feel rested and ready to make a move. I had a great visit this season with my ex wife and we had some good moments while helping her figure out what is going on in her life. She wasn't very open about talking about her concerns though and it made me feel a bit sad that she held back. Still, she knows that I am here to talk to and to be close to and if she wants to open up more then she can. If not then that is fine too. I will always be here.

I think I need to bite the bullet and go and visit this spring. The nearest city is Vegas to her. It would be an adventure for me and I think she might need me to go. She hasn't said straight out, but I got a few hints that this is the last year of schooling for her and that she doesn't know where she will be after that.

I am missing my loves right now. I have been in the same house as them, well half of them, but really with Christmas business of guests and family around I haven't had any moments of closeness with anyone. not even myself. I need some me time, some PN time, some Mono time, some Derby time and some Leo time. LB time has been plentiful thankfully

Off to get the house clean, the groceries done and the partying started for the last night.... after that? Lock and load time on two shows, two workshops, dealing with work issues, and planning a women's retreat.... not to mention getting out in the garden to prepare for spring planting (daf's are up! if you can believe it of Jan 1st?!) and getting rid of bags of fall leaves.

Lots of date time to plan too
__________________
Anyone want to be friends on Facebook?
Send me your name via PM
My blog
Reply With Quote
  #1176  
Old 01-03-2012, 07:35 AM
redpepper's Avatar
redpepper redpepper is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,658
Default

What I learned on the forum today:

"Secrets and uncertainty are often like invisible chains wrapped around us."

and the expression;

"Its like a turd in a punch bowl, it poisons everything."

I love this place some days.

Had an awesome New Years with two of my partners and a whole lotta poly and non-poly friends.... This year I intend to end reaching out to people and reach in. I am hoping that by doing so people will come to me and ask me to do fun stuff. I am one tired organizer. I will at least slow down on that anyway... there are a lot of changes coming up for most of the people close to me and I have a need to be present and available to them this year.
__________________
Anyone want to be friends on Facebook?
Send me your name via PM
My blog
Reply With Quote
  #1177  
Old 01-03-2012, 03:38 PM
redpepper's Avatar
redpepper redpepper is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,658
Default

Had a wonderful afternoon with Derby yesterday. Lunch in a neighboring town, and then wandered through thrift stores for a while. I talked her ear off It was nice to just hang out just the two of us. We don't get to do that often. We held each others arm and it felt nice to be close.

Leo's wife had a date with someone I met on FB. For some reason its consuming my mind. I have no interest in the guy, but we have been chatting for awhile and trying to get together to meet over coffee. I met him in November and both our schedules have been super busy so we haven't found an opportunity to meet until now. We meet next week.

Its kind of anticlimactic at this point some how and I don't get why I feel that way. I think it has something to do with that she met him mid December, he went over to their house to hang out, he met Leo and they mused over his van and then Leo's wife and him went out and they got sexual almost immediately. I have known Leo for three years, dated him once a month since then, have been through the ringer over sex and intimacy with him and Mono and now my interactions with Leo are few and far between because of the business he bought. Here am I hanging on by a thread after having done a shit load of patient work and putting in tons of time to get to a place where we could be as close as I have wanted to be and this guy comes along, says he only has sex for connections sake and fucks my bf's wife first go out. Putting him, in my eyes, in a place that I haven't even reached yet.

I'm jealous#envious. Not only did he hang out with Leo whereas I haven't in over six weeks, but he went to a place that I haven't been with Leo in three years, with his wife in a matter of hours.

Its bugging me that I care so much about it.... so much that I got 4 hours sleep just before my first day back to work. now I'm a wreck and feel a fool.

There is also a matter of the story not lining up as this guy hasn't told me he has even met them face to face, just met her on OKC while the story I get from Leo is that they met and had sex already (he likes to show off about his wife having sex with others for some reason, so he was quick to say so). I suspect this guy thought I was meeting him for a date actually and didn't tell me what he got into as a result. It makes me feel icky on another level.

Ah well, off to drag my sorry ass to work and beat my self up about it all day.
__________________
Anyone want to be friends on Facebook?
Send me your name via PM
My blog
Reply With Quote
  #1178  
Old 01-09-2012, 07:18 AM
redpepper's Avatar
redpepper redpepper is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,658
Default

Date with Leo this week. That usually puts me in a tail spin. I guess I will see what comes up. I am in kind of a "fuck it" mood these days. I don't feel like processing or "considering" any one but my self. That is dangerous place to be when there is a very constricted relationship to consider. I kind of just want to end it at this point.... I know, I do this every week before our date and then see him and am all gooshy again. Okay, I will shut up and do the whole process over again.

We had our women's group meet up today and as usual I was blown away and filled with love and gratitude for the ladies. That group fills such a huge need for me. I am so honoured to host it.

I'm looking forward to the women's retreat that I am hosting at the end of February. It turns out that about 14 women are going and still more have said they would like to. There is no agenda except to walk on beaches, drink and eat a lot, talk and laugh and get to know some new women. Just what I need.

I decided to take a couple of months off of doing burlesque. Next show is the end of March. I have been going hard for a year now and need a break. Besides, I am getting lasik eye surgery soon and am not convinced that I will have eyes that work.

Yesterday Mono took me on a really lovely date to a Japanese restaurant (where I saw Imaginary's ex) to eat sushi and have a chat. Then we went to a movie and then home early for some lovin'. It was a great night of closeness and remembering where we came from and how we got here. He gave me a sentimental card that I cherish and I looked at him all night with such happiness at our being together.

This week was the poly dinner I host. It was a quiet group of introverts that showed up so I did a lot of talking I felt. At least at my end of the table anyway. It was great to start a new year out with friends. I haven't been feeling very sociable, but the whole experience reminded me that I love being in the presence of great poly people.

PN and I have been talking about how our relationship is doing fine, but not in terms of the monogamy we used to have. He is totally off on his own course and loving it. I am off on mine. I love him and we get along well, but I don't fill his needs for closeness, sex and companionship. I know that and I feel bad about that. I apologized to him as a result, but I don't really know what to do with it. I wish he'd go out and find himself another partner at this point. We always have done better when he is looking or engaged in a relationship with someone else. Even if some of them have been hard to deal with, it is better for us. He has lost his mojo somehow and in my present mood I am having a hard time kicking him in the butt as I usually do. We are good together that way. In the "kicking each others butt" way.

I'm looking forward to reading Derby's tarot soon and having a date night movie night at my house. I have read Mono, PN, my ex wife's cards and would like to do hers next. I got a new deck this Christmas and it got me right back in it again. I should do mine too at some point.

Derby is super cute in her new glasses and hair growing in. Just sayin' She also cooks good dumplings and is a bit of a one herself.... heh. *poke *tease.
__________________
Anyone want to be friends on Facebook?
Send me your name via PM
My blog
Reply With Quote
  #1179  
Old 01-15-2012, 06:33 PM
redpepper's Avatar
redpepper redpepper is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,658
Default

So Leo broke up with me because I had a coffee date with a man that his wife has just started seeing. I had been chatting with him on line and trying to get together with him since November. She is apparently head over heels for this guy and was very hurt that I would have coffee with him. Leo is pleased as punch that she is with him because it takes the burden of spending time with her away from him. I have made her hurt and angry and jeopardized that. My bad apparently so I am made to pay. Unfortunately this guy thought we were on a "date" and not just hanging out for coffee and wants to pursue something more. Or at least leave that door open. I have coffee with new to poly and new to me poly people up wards of 6 times a month. Apparently this was different in Leo's mind. He seems to think I had an agenda and has now dumped me.
__________________
Anyone want to be friends on Facebook?
Send me your name via PM
My blog
Reply With Quote
  #1180  
Old 01-15-2012, 07:20 PM
BrigidsDaughter's Avatar
BrigidsDaughter BrigidsDaughter is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 822
Default

Sorry to hear that it ended like that. *hugs*
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
bdsm, boundaries, breaking up, casual sex, children, coming out, coming out to family, communication, family, foundations, kids, ldr, ldrs, mono poly, mono poly dating nature, mono/poly, moving in, negotiations, poly-fi, poly-fidelous, redpepper, rules, swinging, third partner, vee

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 11:35 AM.