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  #1121  
Old 10-03-2011, 04:09 PM
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The cake was lovely. Thank you so much. You have no idea how much it meant to me. xoxoxo
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  #1122  
Old 10-05-2011, 04:37 AM
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The cake was lovely. Thank you so much. You have no idea how much it meant to me. xoxoxo
So glad you know you are loved
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  #1123  
Old 10-05-2011, 09:20 PM
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Yay, picking flooring today. Finally. Not only that but I think I managed to convince PN that we REALLY need to do something about our kitchen floor, bathroom floor and toilet so we are looking at that too.

PN hates spending money, hates adding to the destruction of the planet by buying things that will damage it (or removing stuff that will go into the landfill) and really has no desire to do anything beyond his daily norm... all a challenge for me.

Still, Mono is interested in doing some home reno's and I have learned that once he gets the bug, its best to go with it! I reminded PN about that and we are on! It means we will be taking the boy to Europe 3 monthes later than planned three years from now.... ohhhhhhweeeeeelllll (such a hardship, but that was the ultimatum I was given by PN).

Its all such a balance this relationship stuff... seriously, if you can balance, you can do anything.
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  #1124  
Old 10-07-2011, 03:27 PM
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I don't know how to ask his respectfully, really. It' just how you describe how different your loves are from each other, and how you're versatile enough to fit comfortably in with all of them. Do you feel this is something you have always had in you, or were you originally more symbiotic/co-dependent with your ex and/or PN? Do you feel the need for variety or is it something you have just had to develop when you've fallen for such different people?
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  #1125  
Old 10-07-2011, 05:26 PM
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I don't know how to ask his respectfully, really. It' just how you describe how different your loves are from each other, and how you're versatile enough to fit comfortably in with all of them. Do you feel this is something you have always had in you, or were you originally more symbiotic/co-dependent with your ex and/or PN? Do you feel the need for variety or is it something you have just had to develop when you've fallen for such different people?
good question. I don't know how you could think it was disrespectful though? I'm happy to do my best to answer any questions.

I was co-dependent with other partners in the past as that is what I thought was required to be a partner. I learned from several long terms partnerships that I don't fit that formula and felt constrained when it came to developing other close relationships; with men particularly.

PN and I have never been totally entwined in that way. He came into my marriage with my now ex wife. We have always been non-monogamous even though we spent years without other partners. I was always able to explore meaningful relationships with other while with him.

I have always needed companionship and deep friendships and can't seem to manage that without it becoming a relationship of partnership. Variety is part of that I guess.

Hope that answers your questions?
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  #1126  
Old 10-07-2011, 06:39 PM
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I don't know how you could think it was disrespectful though?
Nah, just remembered vaguely some of your friends being worried about the future of your marriage to PN, since to their perception you lead too independent lives from one another, and thought that maybe you are tired of people commenting on that.

This letting go of co-dependence is something I will have to give some thought to in the future, for sure. Thanks!
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  #1127  
Old 10-09-2011, 11:41 AM
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I have always needed companionship and deep friendships and can't seem to manage that without it becoming a relationship of partnership. Variety is part of that I guess.
This really struck true for me. I was talking about this with someone I am developing a close friendship with. I think it's the reason I don't have a lot of female friends, too. I inevitably end of falling for them in some way or another, and that's not cool for them. With men, the chances are much better they would be interested.

It's something I'm struggling with, really. Why must everything move toward a partnership? Is this some sort of problem I have, not being able to draw those neat little boxes for friends vs loves and actually keep everyone in their boxes?

Because for my true friends, I've already shared so much of myself, and they theirselves, how can i not want to see where that could go with physical intimacy? It's just one more way to bring you closer together, to show your love. Is that a bad thing?

Maybe I will start a new thread on this ...
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  #1128  
Old 10-09-2011, 07:11 PM
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Originally Posted by TruckerPete View Post
This really struck true for me. I was talking about this with someone I am developing a close friendship with. I think it's the reason I don't have a lot of female friends, too. I inevitably end of falling for them in some way or another, and that's not cool for them. With men, the chances are much better they would be interested.

It's something I'm struggling with, really. Why must everything move toward a partnership? Is this some sort of problem I have, not being able to draw those neat little boxes for friends vs loves and actually keep everyone in their boxes?

Because for my true friends, I've already shared so much of myself, and they theirselves, how can i not want to see where that could go with physical intimacy? It's just one more way to bring you closer together, to show your love. Is that a bad thing?

Maybe I will start a new thread on this ...
I'm not sure I am getting what you mean here or how it pertains to what I said. After reading the thread you started I'm even more confused.... could you say more? Maybe I will write this on your thread... http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showt...729#post105729
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  #1129  
Old 10-13-2011, 08:37 PM
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Life is busy.

We had a great Canadian Thanks Giving weekend last weekend. A visit from my brother and his girlfriend topped it off. It was her birthday and I treated her (our money) to a horse and carriage ride in the fall leaves. Beautiful out and she seemed to really enjoy it. So did everyone else. Mono couldn't come because there was only room for 7 on the carriage so he had a bike ride instead with his buddies. He needed a break from my family by then anyway I think

PN took us all out on a mushroom hunt the day before and we found many varieties... but none to eat. Thankfully he had been out earlier in the week and picked some for our dinner. YUM! So good. We made a big feast of pot luck items... most involved cheese. We like our cheese apparently.

Everyone got on well and we all had an excellent time. I think it was probably the best time yet. A huge feat due to some really strong characters and independent thinkers... also some real organizers who conflict in most circumstances.

I haven't seen Derby in about two weeks as a result of holidays, being sick and off work and because she is away on a conference this week. I am hoping next week we can at least meet for coffee.... date to follow the week after. Date with Leo too for that matter! He has been in the process of buying a business and a building to put it in. I've had a few texts and emails from him out of the blue. He actually listened when I said I just needed him to contact me sometimes.

I have a show coming up next Friday that I am doing three numbers in. One is a cat number that I am really enjoying preparing for. It has a cheeky message about hair at the end of it when I do my reveal. I have the schedule for all next year now so I can plan my life around monthly shows. I think I am a keeper to the producer! Yay...

I have a few workshops lined up already for the new year at a local sex positive community center... for want of a better term. I am planning to do a version of the mono/poly workshop we do and one on sexual boundaries that include sexual self defense. How to look after our boundaries and stay solid in who we are in a community that promotes promiscuity and indulgence. I can't believe that I can actually say that I live a life where that would/could be an issue for some! Who would of guessed, considering the past and how sex of any kind was frowned upon except if it is with your husband... and don't talk about it please!

This weekend Mono and I will celebrate his 40th. We are going to the island property that my parents built. The one that only a couple of years ago they asked PN and I to sign over to them as they were in a state of horror about Mono being in our lives. Ironic no?

We intend to take a chain saw and do some wood cutting. Last time we were there Mono helped my dad cut some trees down and now we will process them for fire wood. Should be an excellent weekend... PN had a line up of social events with LB and his friends... fun all around for all of us
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Last edited by redpepper; 10-13-2011 at 08:48 PM.
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  #1130  
Old 10-21-2011, 06:17 AM
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Mono turns 40 in 45 mins... Libra/Scorpio cusp. What a combo
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