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  #1031  
Old 07-01-2011, 06:26 AM
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Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
yeah, gross
That's odd coming from you I didn't think there was anything out of bounds
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  #1032  
Old 07-04-2011, 02:14 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
yeah, gross
That's odd coming from you I didn't think there was anything out of bounds
<spits Diet Coke all over the keyboard>
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  #1033  
Old 07-04-2011, 06:17 AM
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Weeeeellll, I missed you guys... I haven't really caught up after a busy weekend. I love when I get to see ALL my loves in one weekend.

First PN, who unfortunately was so late to our date night it was bed time when he got in. We managed to get a short chat in and he brought me poutine (as mentioned). We really haven't spent "date" time together, but had a good weekend of chatting and doing things together in short bits as others came and went. He got a lot of writing done and that made him happy. Happy PN, happy RP.

I spent time at friends of ours with Mono this weekend. They are our friends, not PN's or Derby's or Leo's or anyone else's, but really ours we made together. I like that, but they are slowly becoming everyone's friends also. Mono and I had a great night of connection and love and a morning of lounging around... we are such bed people.

Derby stayed over one night when we had a BBQ for some friends, including Leo who came with his wife! A first for them! Other than just spending time with us. Derby and I had a good night together after much socializing and laughter. We kept the men awake though. That was confirmed tonight..... *ahemmm*

I had to laugh though as her and PN are such morning people... all smiles and giggles in the morning. I was glad they had each other to be like that with this morning... such a treat for PN, he usually gets grumpy ol' me.

I enjoyed Leo being around. He and his wife met my swinger friends.... FINALLY! They have common friends together and I was waiting for them to meet for ever now.

They talked about finding a venue for a Halloween party where they can book rooms. A lot of hotels won't take them any more. I have to admit, I still find the whole swinger thing really almost bizarre. Listening to them talk about being able to hide the fact they are swingers by dressing up and then getting hotel rooms to stay the night in and that they have to warn people to not walk the halls naked just is rather humorous to me for some reason. I can't help wonder why they do it. Meh, whatever, it was fun to listen to.

Leo was a bit concerned about where I was at all times when the night started, but he seemed to calm and they seemed to have a really good time. At least they said so anyway. I was glad he got to meet some of the friends I have talked about to him and spend some time with my other loves so he doesn't feel akward any more after the "December incident (chuckle I like that)."

We are making plans to camp again later in the summer with Leo and fam and his wife even suggested we all go to her parents condo on one of the local ski mountains again.... yipeeee. I love it there. I went there for my 40th birthday with them.

So, today we wandered a down town market, got some tacos and sat and listened to some music from the Jazz fest. I saw my old terisaries wife today there with a friend of mine... sigh, so much unfinished business left to unearth and work on... perhaps. I dunno, what is the life span of unfinished business? How long is long enough to just drop it?
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Last edited by redpepper; 07-04-2011 at 06:22 AM.
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  #1034  
Old 07-05-2011, 07:08 AM
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Default PN and I are such a good team.

Tonight we went to a friends for supper. He has come to our house before and we have been out lots. He wanted to return the thanks for intro-ing me to the community and being my first friends here by making us supper.

He is a sweet guy, but not very well and he struggled throughout the evening due to the pain he feels; among other things... PN and I helped out, chatted lightly, joked around, and got into some deep conversations about relationship dynamics and early childhood trauma. Our friend really seemed to enjoy our dynamic and the conversation. He had a lot to say also.

PN and I talk VERY openly to one another about our likes and dislikes and we use a lot of humour to do so... we never have to guess for one second what is going on for the other and it is evident that we are on top of everything that goes through our head and checking with the other about what goes through theirs.... its simple, to the point. We don't get caught up in pretty much anything.

"do you want green tea RP?"
"No I don't, I don't like it."
"There is only mint tea... no black, which I know is your favourite. Are you okay with that?"
"yes I am, thank you for asking... "

At the end of the night I could see he was tired... as was our friend. PN signed in sign language (I use sign at work), in mid sentence, about something completely different, that he was wanting to go home. HA! I was impressed! I nodded and as soon as he was done talking I mentioned it was late and stated that it was time to go. Our friend didn't catch on at all! I know PN hates to do the good bye thing and I have no problem with it, so he was asking me to deal with it....

We are a great team
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  #1035  
Old 07-05-2011, 09:28 PM
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That's so cool. I get so terrified to ask for want I want or express likes and dislikes. That sounds so refreshing that you two can just say it outright with no beating around the bush. You two sound like a great team! And having your own secret language. fun!
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  #1036  
Old 07-05-2011, 09:49 PM
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Rob is terrible at catching the subtle little hints that I want his attention. I give him "the eyes" or "the slight tip of the head" and he either doesn't notice, or loudly proclaims, "What??"

It used to bother me a lot, but now I just find it cute and funny one of the things that makes him, HIM.


Last edited by TruckerPete; 07-05-2011 at 09:50 PM. Reason: Typo
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  #1037  
Old 07-11-2011, 06:34 AM
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This weekend was fantastic. I got to meet another member of the forum and host a really relaxing and fun camping trip. Not bad at all There were many good conversations to be had. Much food and drink and lots of friends and poly folk to wade around in. I love that! It makes me so pleased to host events where people are obviously having a good time and getting some of their need for relaxation and companionship met... not to mention the need to fit in with like minded people!

My boy was suppose to stay at his grandparents house on a neighboring island, but when he found out we were camping he became envious after a couple of days and PN had to drive and meet them part way so that he could come out too. So much for adult time. I got a little at least. He is no bother and I love him being around. My biggest concern was that my parents would throw their hands in the air and say "that's it, he won't come out again" as a way to shove their disappointment down.

PN decided to not camp the first night as he was tired from his week and wanted the house to himself. The second night he almost lost it on Mono when he and his buddy and other people got talking around the fire until 5 am. The fire pit was right by our tent and they were loud, even in a whisper. I had ear plugs. No biggy PN didn't sleep until they did and lay awake listening to them. Mono had a couple of hours sleep; PN slept in late while Mono and I packed up the camp. It was all good when PN woke up to a packed camp, me handing him a coffee and his breakfast. That seemed to make up for it. There has been a lot worse between them... but that is Mono's story to tell.

Mono is crashed beside me. Heh, he is so tired... feel asleep hours ago. So much for getting laid.

I went to the pride parade today with Derby and some friends that were visiting for the camp out... both members here. Derby and I got to hold hands as we walked around the grounds... that isn't something we get to do often, or do often. We are so privileged in het couples when we go on dates. When Derby and I do I have fear of who sees our affection. Maybe because of how things used to be? I know its different now and that I shouldn't worry about it, but in the small town I grew up in it just wasn't an option and that stuck.
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  #1038  
Old 07-12-2011, 06:05 AM
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You know. Sometimes things are not what they seem.

Some stuff that goes on for us is not repeatable on a public forum, but two things happened tonight that I think will shed some light on stuff that happens that I don't usually talk about. They might show that our poly life is not always the image of perfection from this end. I thought I would bring them up as they are small and can be used as an example that sometimes we struggle together. Other things come and go, but they are too personal.

Tonight PN got home before any of us. This is very unusual as he works later than Mono and I and I usually get the boy after work sometime. Usually Mono and I have a couple of hours together whereby we do dishes, chat, have tea, nap, have sex, and do a number of other things together. Tonight was different.

Mono is working late all week and so I decided that rather than come home I would stay out at a coffee shop and catch up on here and do some other on-line related stuff. I was home after I picked the boy up and PN had already started the nightly routine. I had several bags to carry in from the car and as Mono had just walked up from the base he helped me carry some stuff. I checked the mail on the way in and there was a letter for him. I traded it for the bags he was carrying and he went off around the side of the house to put the garbage cans away.

When I came in I noticed two letters on the side table for me so I brought them threw to the kitchen where PN was making his lunch for tomorrow and asked him why he brought my mail in and not Mono's. I was tired, hungry and after this weekend where some stuff happened that made me feel that PN had been pushed past his comfort level was a bit on edge and suspect of the action. PN told me he never brings Mono's mail in and that he could get it himself from the mail box. He said it makes him feel anxious looking after his mail as there is no procedure around making sure he gets it so he would rather leave it in the box.

By the end of the heated/on edge discussion I had told him that he is never around to pick mail up and that I usually do it and that Mono I don't think has ever collected the mail so wouldn't expect it to be there so why don't I take over picking up the mail every day. He told me that I could do that if I want but that by request, he would talk to Mono about setting up an arrangement with him about who collects the mail (for the one time a year that he has to face what to do about mail pick up *sarcasm added* ). I asked him if he was harbouring some ill will and if this mail thing actually had something else behind it. He said it didn't, and that he did have anxiety about picking up other peoples mail.

It becomes obvious to me sometimes that PN is not where I am or Mono is about the arrangement we have. He sees him as a tenant I think sometimes. I thought he saw him as a roommate who happens to be a metamour, but no, I think he is waaaaay behind on getting with the program that Mono and I are on. I forget that he doesn't ever go downstairs to see Mono or hang out, I do. I forget that he doesn't see him all that much as we don't have family dinners together as much as when he first moved in and that really, when PN comes home I am usually present with him until he goes to bed and then I hang out with Mono again. He really doesn't have much to do with him on a day to day basis. That troubles me... It makes me nervous. It makes me nervous that the two of them would not be friends if I was not in the picture. It makes me nervous that really, sometimes I think PN just sucks stuff up because he doesn't see that he has a say in what goes on even though he does and I tell him that.

There isn't much I can do, but just be aware all the time that things are never what I think they are. Relying on being comfortable is never an option. If I get to comfy, there is usually something I just am not aware of yet.

On top of this Mono was joking with me that he used to take vacation time and not tell his wife because he didn't want her do list of stuff to do. She would ask if he was going to work today and he would say "nah, I have today off." He thought that really funny, but I was concerned about that. Ya, I see its funny, but it concerns me that if this man of mine starts doing that with me it will be a slippery slope to us losing connection.

Mono has no reason to think that he can't take time off and just do what ever he wants. Everything with me is negotiable. I don't make any demands. I make requests all the time that he either says yes or no to, yet he seems to think that he should feel guilty for wanting and needing to do his own thing. He gets all defiant and defensive and that is what pisses me off because it isn't necessary.

I have explained to him that transitions are hard for me, that I miss him when he goes off on his bike all afternoon with his friends, but that does not mean I don't have compersion for him and don't want him to do it. I just need to be able to express that I struggle sometimes and my way of dealing with it is to sometimes pull away (wow that bike is sounding like a girlfriend! )

This thing he did with his wife would not ever be okay with me. It would mean that there would be a lot of talking and communicating to follow and I would be very sad and disappointed that he can't come to me and just tell me he is taking time off for himself.

I feel rather out of sorts tonight and like there is a bit of a lean in the balance somewhere. My world sometimes wobbles somehow and I am reminded of how easily that can happen. How easily there could be a topple if stuff wasn't dealt with right away.

I did talk it all out with both the guys... at the expense of not being able to chat to Derby tonight much or anyone else for that matter. More tilts there.

Sometimes things are not as they seem. I am good at keeping the balance, but I can tell you.... its sometimes freakin hard and I just want to run away and pull the blankets up over my head and tell everyone to just fuck off and leave me alone.
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Last edited by redpepper; 07-12-2011 at 06:44 AM.
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  #1039  
Old 07-12-2011, 07:16 AM
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Thanks for sharing this RP I for one really appreciate it. I often have a sense that you have it all down perfectly and it's nice to know that you do have your struggles too.

Lately I've been thinking that maybe there is something very wise behind the idea of "forsaking all others". I know you are a long way from that because you do love a number of people romantically, but at times, like you say it's just so freaking hard.
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  #1040  
Old 07-12-2011, 11:29 AM
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Thank you.
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