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  #1021  
Old 06-25-2011, 01:21 AM
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I wrote this on the poly group I facilitate on FB... I wanted to share it here too. I changed the names to what you know them as

I'm feeling a bit weepy tonight. This is the only place I feel I can really express why. Please bare with me

Today was my boys last day of school. He is on break now for the summer having completed grade 2. We are celebrating tonight with his favorite meal and mine; Nachos! Mono, PN and I are having a beer with that. They are all putting together the Wii that he got for the end of the school year and for working so hard at finishing with night time pull ups.

Some back ground: When I met Mono more than two years ago PN and I had a hard time adjusting to the fact that I was deeply in love and WAY in my NRE. I was a neglectful mother to my boy and him and while I know that is just part of it, I do have some shame in that.

By the time Mono and I were obvious to all those around me I was in denial that my child's needs were not being met in having a mother close to him and engaged in his life. My mother, who finally confronted us with what was happening, was concerned that I was not paying attention and blamed me for being a bad mother. The first time since he was born. I was ANGRY, very angry. She had accused Mono of molesting our boy and demanded that I take him for evaluation by a doctor. I was angry a whole lot with her back then. This accusation didn't help.

I am feeling very proud today. I am proud of myself because I rose out of my NRE and worked hard to fulfill my biggest dream of starting a house and life full of loves, love and more healthy, strong adults in every way for my boy to be around. It was doubtful to all those around me who had known me for years that I could actually achieve this. I flew by the seat of my pants and in the face of adversity I stood strong in my convictions that I was making a good decision for my family.

My boy had a hard time at first, as did I. He was clingy and needy and demanding of my attention. He was showing negative behaviour at school, not doing well in his class or at least to the potential I knew he could and didn't want to be there. He wanted me to pick him up early every day...

Even though I wanted to do my own thing, get on with my own life, I did everything I could to see to it that he had my attention. PN and Mono helped. I could NOT of done this without their dedication to making it all work. Everything to including him in all we do, child care so that I could hang out with one of them at a time and pursue other interests, to involving my family when they were really hard to deal with... all of it we did together but at my request...

I just looked at my boys report card and he exceeded in EVERYTHING.... This is not only huge to me because for the last months his teachers have said he is doing really well in all aspects of his life, but because I struggled with everything in school. I failed most of the time as I had undiagnosed dyslexia.

I immediately phoned my parents as we traditionally have a celebration where he gets to show us all the work he has done, including his report card. I cried. I wasn't expecting it, but as I left a message on their machine I burst into tears. All I said after explaining why I was calling and crying was. I did it..... we did it. We are doing it I guess I just realized that.
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  #1022  
Old 06-25-2011, 10:07 AM
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^It's awesome to read that. Congratulations!
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  #1023  
Old 06-25-2011, 05:37 PM
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Congratulations! I'm so glad that you have something really wonderful to celebrate! It sounds you are all falling into a great rhythm together, including LB. You have achieved something pretty awesome!
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  #1024  
Old 07-01-2011, 01:58 AM
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So I have been figuring out what to say about my date with Leo... we sat and watched an old movie, made nachos before hand and drank some wine... it was lovely. We relaxed and enjoyed each others company. We did chat about what happened during out "fight" and how to approach things next time. I think really he is a very simple man and I try to complicate things. He likes his monthly date, likes that we text often and that he has me as a "girlfriend" not partner. Whatever that means. I am not going to over analyse, just enjoy it.

I think that really I have let go a bit of this ever being something more than it is. I was hoping for more support and being loved through "acts of service" but not to be. Nor will I be loved through "touch" so that is out... I still have, ya, I don't know, but I'm sick of trying to figure it out. I think I have been over thinking so I am letting it go.

Sooooo, I'm sick today. PN is bringing home poutine! YUM I wonder how many people know what that is? Mono looked after me this afternoon by watching the second season of "United States of Tara" with me. Love that show. LB cuddling me on the couch while I do my best not to get snot on him.

This weekend is packed full of goodness as usual. Drag ball tomorrow for the beginning of pride week, then a friends BBQ, then fireworks for Canada day. Next day we are having a BBQ at which Derby will hopefully stay over in my bed Then on Sunday I will reeeellllaaaaxxx... I hope.

Have to get going on our camp out next weekend and another Burlesque show... this show has a summer theme and I have a really cute blue 50's bathing suit with white birds flying over it to break out three weeks count down.

Mono, PN and I went to see the new Transformers movie last night. We lined up in front of a woman and her two older sons. She joked about her house of men. I told her we all lived together and raised a boy together. She didn't even bat and eye. She was pretty self absorbed though. I just don't really care any more.

I listened to Mono tell his co-worker that showed up here today that he is going to drag ball... he teased the guy about whether or not he wanted to go... the guy was confused and laughed it off. It's tiring being closeted. Fuck it.
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  #1025  
Old 07-01-2011, 04:11 AM
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Poutine! Lovely comfort food.

Take care of that cold. Don't overdo, baby.

Glad you'll get to sleep with Derby for once.
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  #1026  
Old 07-01-2011, 04:16 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
Derby will hopefully stay over in my bed .
Cameras are all installed so everything is a go
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  #1027  
Old 07-01-2011, 04:19 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
Cameras are all installed so everything is a go
perv
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  #1028  
Old 07-01-2011, 04:28 AM
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yeah, gross
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Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

There's no lying in polyamory!

I'm a 58 year old woman with 2 partners:
miss pixi, my live-in gf, 36 (together since Jan '09)
Ginger, bf, 61, married, lives nearby (together since Jan '12)
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  #1029  
Old 07-01-2011, 04:55 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
yeah, gross
oops should have inserted smilies... (Mono isn't a perv for the record)
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  #1030  
Old 07-01-2011, 06:09 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Derbylicious View Post
oops should have inserted smilies... (Mono isn't a perv for the record)
whatever!

ooooo, we could sell some clips on "clips for sale" or something. A cuckold video perhaps? Derby, you in?

We could send Mono out to peer in the window with his camera. I'm sure the party folk would be all over that
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