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Old 08-05-2010, 06:43 PM
sdguitarguy's Avatar
sdguitarguy sdguitarguy is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 122
Default Poly in San Diego

Not quite, but getting there?

Everything about me has changed in the last three years. I was married for 21 years in a vanilla monogamous relationship. Over the last 5 years of our marriage, my late wife struggled with cancer. The process was heart-wrenching, eye-opening and life-changing for me. I came out of it transformed with an invigorated view of life, love and happiness.

After my wife died, I dated and found a wonderful women to whom I am currently engaged. Our love life has been truly awesome and we have and continue to experiment with swinging and other things.

I'm not big on labels but we're polyamorous, kind of. Through the experience of my wife dying, I have several women friends and because of our shared intense experiences, our friendships have transcended any relationships I've had before. Sex was kind of trivial compared to the intimacies we shared during my late wife's struggles.

Skipping through a lot of stuff, where are we now? We are engaged and we have an open relationship that we've defined for each other. Briefly, right now that means we are each others primary. Each of us has priority over anyone else. Complete honesty is an absolute requirement. Cheating is defined as not being honest and open to each other about our activities and feelings towards our other partners.

We currently don't have any other partners although we have had various relationships ebb & flow but not work out for various reasons. Mostly these have been women with who we have had a triad, briefly at least. She has several male friends that she'd like to also have more of a relationship (they have been lovers in the past but are not currently).

My biggest issue is jealousy. I struggle with my (albeit hypocritical) feelings about her having relationships with other men without me and the difficulty of my finding other partners versus her ability to find other partners.

We're a work in progress and we continue to move forward on things.
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Old 08-05-2010, 10:44 PM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Kansas City Metro
Posts: 2,187

Welcome aboard.
When speaking of various forms of non-monogamy...it ain't poly if you're just fucking around.

While polyamory, open relationships, and swinging are all distinctly different approaches to non-monogamy, they are not mutually exlusive. Folks can, and some do, engage in more than one of them at a time--and it's all good.
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Old 08-09-2010, 09:09 AM
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janeb1958 janeb1958 is offline
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 44

Heya! I totally understand! I'm in a poly relationship -- he's married & has several other lovers. He tells me I'm a life partner & others are just women he dates -- I get that. I truly believe it will help WHEN I find other lovers, myself. It's not jealousy, as much as envy, for me. I want to attend stuff he does, mainly to contiinue my journey, but can't due to my work schedule.
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