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  #31  
Old 09-14-2010, 07:37 PM
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Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post

I guess this Helen Fisher has not heard of compersion.
I agree that compersion is probably not a recognized word in anthropologiocal circles or any other scientific one as it was coined in the 70's. The concept is not mainstream and so escapes many people regardless of education.
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  #32  
Old 09-14-2010, 07:40 PM
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Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
I guess this Helen Fisher has not heard of compersion... .
I don't think she mentioned compersion. Although, if she did, that particular word was not used...

How does compersion relate to being in NRE with two people at once... oh! I guess because sometimes NRE pushes us to be in love, or in NRE, with one or more of our other partners again? That's not compersion though... sorry I'm confused.
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  #33  
Old 09-14-2010, 09:37 PM
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Default i watched it

very interesting video not sure if i agree but the part about never heard about the antidepressant part

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  #34  
Old 09-18-2010, 12:50 PM
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Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
I don't think she mentioned compersion. Although, if she did, that particular word was not used...

How does compersion relate to being in NRE with two people at once... oh! I guess because sometimes NRE pushes us to be in love, or in NRE, with one or more of our other partners again? That's not compersion though... sorry I'm confused.
No, that's not what I meant. In my scenario, I was in new hot relationships w 2 people at once. Both my my partners accepted the other and didnt begrudge each other time with me.
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  #35  
Old 09-18-2010, 05:38 PM
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Social scientists especially tend to deal with averages. And often forget in public talks to provide the appropriate nuance to their statements. So, I would guess Dr. Fisher is asserting that the average person has a hard time being in - what she calls - romantic love with more than one person at a time. Not only are we talking about persons on average, but situations on average as well. So, even an average person within a highly unusual circumstance might have an experience well outside the norm.

I have no disagreement with the notion that - on average - we can't have romantic love/NRE for more than one person at a time... while recognizing that there is variation in both people and situations which may lead to that "rule of thumb" being violated.

Overall, the TED talk resonated with me. The notion of there being three kinds of love (romantic, attachment and lust) is interesting. Doubly interesting in poly scenarios.
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  #36  
Old 09-19-2010, 12:19 AM
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I wonder if we naturally seek out on person to have NRE with at a time. The other may just be waiting for the right moment, or maybe it becomes a love of a different kind for a time... attachment love or lust love? I don't think I have had NRE for more than one at a time. I still have NRE with Mono and it has been interesting the process of having Derby in my life now. I think I am waiting to have NRE. It doesn't diminish what I feel, just feels slower, more controlled... waiting somehow. I'm not sure how to explain it.
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  #37  
Old 09-20-2010, 03:36 PM
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Originally Posted by MindfulAgony View Post
I have no disagreement with the notion that - on average - we can't have romantic love/NRE for more than one person at a time... while recognizing that there is variation in both people and situations which may lead to that "rule of thumb" being violated.

Overall, the TED talk resonated with me. The notion of there being three kinds of love (romantic, attachment and lust) is interesting. Doubly interesting in poly scenarios.
Yes, for me too! I can soooo see ~ as time passes ~ that the NRE might JUST be HUGE components of Lust for me!! It feels so good to touch someone new, and you can see how one's mind tricks you into thinking that it is "love" but really, for me....it is not. It took a long time to figure that out though!

I seem to have fallen into the average - about 3 months of STRONG NRE and now it is more calm. I can say "No" (to many things!). Yay!

Of all the things to be addicted to....this one would be a bitch! I hope I don't crave it again!

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  #38  
Old 08-18-2011, 03:06 AM
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"I think the the anthropologist said it best in the other thread, where almost everyone agreed...."there can be ONLY one Romantic Love at a time". "
--------------------------------------
When she described the various forms of love, I paid close attention since I had come to a new realization that like the Eskimo word for Snow, English should have 20 different words for love. As I processed her "Romantic Love" pieces over the next several weeks, I began to see how she was right. When you have that FRESH NRE, there is no possible way that you could have double the amount for 2 people. It would kill you. I mean you could have excitement about seeing a couple, but you can really have that Romantic Love for ONE. IMHO.
Which is utter nonsense because I've experienced NRE for two at once without any more stress involved than going through NRE for one.

I doubt I'm much of an outlier in that regard. I suspect she came to that conclusion because of the rarity of the event of NRE hitting for two people at once.
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  #39  
Old 08-18-2011, 01:31 PM
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This thread is back. I don't even know why we polys have to debate it. What about triad relationships? Lately a lot of unicorns have been posting here, over the moon for their COUPLE. NRE. For two at once. Sheesh. Is it love? Too soon to tell. Will it crash and burn? Probably. Is it NRE for two at once? Definitely.
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  #40  
Old 11-22-2011, 10:54 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
This thread is back. I don't even know why we polys have to debate it. What about triad relationships? Lately a lot of unicorns have been posting here, over the moon for their COUPLE. NRE. For two at once. Sheesh. Is it love? Too soon to tell. Will it crash and burn? Probably. Is it NRE for two at once? Definitely.
I wonder if that's the best example since a couple can feel and act more like one person. The less individuated the members of the couple are (for example, never having "alone" time with the unicorn, joint communications, joint dates, etc.), the more likely you'll have this kind of NRE for the couple.

My only experience that I can relate to this is the sense of connection one can experience with a team. It has certainy felt a very much separate thing than the sense of connection to a specific individual on that team. Maybe the same dynamic is playing out with a couple-unicorn pairing. I would note that a team dynamic isnt automatic and is formed through individual interaction. So, perhaps indivuation supercedes and then that sense of team evolves from that. The hard part is that a couple may have that sense and struggle with accepting a new member to the team....

I dunno. I'm rambling now.

I tend to resonate with the notion that NRE is somewhat rarer occurance with 2 at once. Perhaps it has everything to do with the rarity of NRE generally.

I looked up this thread to find Dr. Fisher's video again. I'm experiencing classic NRE for the first time in quite some time despite the fact that I've been dating and partnering all the while in between. I thought to myself yesterday, "Wow! this is how NRE feels. I'm losing my f*ng mind."
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Last edited by MindfulAgony; 11-23-2011 at 02:00 AM. Reason: playing with the concepts further...
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