Helen Fisher-anthropologist.

[Tonberry]

I think I kind of agree... I feel ORE for Rag, NRE for Sean and limerence for someone else (have felt that since before meeting Sean).
I have delayed starting a relationship with him because I feel it would be unmanageable. While I think it would be possible emotionally, I think it would be a strong back-and-forth and be exhausting. Also, I doubt I'd have enough time for that.

I still think it's possible, but I think it would involve a lot of on-off for me, focusing all of my attention and thoughts onto someone, then someone else, then the first one, etc, if I'm making sense. I would probably become overwhelmed if they were both in the same room. Too much emotion at once!

Right now, because I'm in a different stage with all three, I find it manageable (and wonderful).

[PollyPocket]

"I think the the anthropologist said it best in the other thread, where almost everyone agreed...."there can be ONLY one Romantic Love at a time". "
--------------------------------------
When she described the various forms of love, I paid close attention since I had come to a new realization that like the Eskimo word for Snow, English should have 20 different words for love. As I processed her "Romantic Love" pieces over the next several weeks, I began to see how she was right. When you have that FRESH NRE, there is no possible way that you could have double the amount for 2 people. It would kill you. I mean you could have excitement about seeing a couple, but you can really have that Romantic Love for ONE. IMHO.

As far as the baggage goes, I think that Unicorns come with baggage (don't we all). I haven't intimately known a LOT, however....it seems that they have some broken pieces. It's about dealing with them somehow, I suppose. Or not. Definitely 3 is complicated!!

Here is the talk in the vid format: http://www.ted.com/talks/helen_fishe...ove_cheat.html

Good luck! P2

[MonoVCPHG]

Originally Posted by NeonKaos

I haven't been reading that thread, so I'm not sure what you're referring to. However, I'm hard-pressed to believe that "almost everyone" on a forum about polyamory would "agree" to that sentiment.

In her e-mial to me she was specific in Highlighting the word "intense" romantic love which I think we consider to be the NRE Phase. She also states no hard and fast can't or cannot, even experts don't deal in certainties around the topic of love...that is usually done by "self enlightment" individuals pushing an agenda or trying to justify their behaviour....Like me .

[NeonKaos]

Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG

In her e-mial to me she was specific in Highlighting the word "intense" romantic love which I think we consider to be the NRE Phase. She also states no hard and fast can't or cannot, even experts don't deal in certainties around the topic of love...that is usually done by "self enlightment" individuals pushing an agenda or trying to justify their behaviour....Like me .

I didn't see the word "intense" at all, highlighted or not, in the quote mentioned earlier in this thread. The phrase "can only" DID appear. I'm not sure what I'm expected to assume or read in to that statement, and I'm still hard-pressed to believe that most of the people on here agreed with it, "intense" NRE or not.

[MonoVCPHG]

Originally Posted by NeonKaos

I didn't see the word "intense" at all, highlighted or not, in the quote mentioned earlier in this thread. The phrase "can only" DID appear. I'm not sure what I'm expected to assume or read in to that statement, and I'm still hard-pressed to believe that most of the people on here agreed with it, "intense" NRE or not.

Yeah, it was in the original, just a misquote is all and I agree with you as well. I'm sure there are people who would disagree that you can only have NRE for one person at a time where as other won't....there is no certainty for sure.

[AutumnalTone]

Originally Posted by NeonKaos

I haven't been reading that thread, so I'm not sure what you're referring to. However, I'm hard-pressed to believe that "almost everyone" on a forum about polyamory would "agree" to that sentiment.

Ditto. I don't recall reading that, though I don't read every thread in detail. I can say that I disagree with that notion wholeheartedly--my experience shows me different.

[MonoVCPHG]

Here's the original email sent to me: Just for reference.

"I apologize for being so slow to respond. I am overwhelmed with work. But to answer your question briefly. I certainly think you can feel deep attachment to more than one person at a time. We see this all the time. You can be attached to your work, your family, your children, and more than one lover. The attachment system doesn't seem to focus on just one person. Same with the sex drive. You can feel lust for several people at a time. But I don't think you can feel INTENSE romantic love for more than one person at a time. This particular brain system is associated with deep and intense focus on one individual, and people tend to get quite possessive too."

[Magdlyn]

Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG

"... I don't think you can feel INTENSE romantic love for more than one person at a time. This particular brain system is associated with deep and intense focus on one individual, and people tend to get quite possessive too."

Well, she's just wrong on that.

When I'd only known my gf 3 mos, I met a guy who seemed to meet all my qualifications for a good boyfriend. I was over the moon for him and still in NRE w my gf... I tell you, it was confusing at first! But I definitely felt NRE for 2 at once.

And while we were all feeling NRE, me for both of them, each of them for me, no one was possessive... b/c we were all poly.

[MonoVCPHG]

Originally Posted by Magdlyn

b/c we were all poly.

Poly people can still be possessive. Not all obviously, but some.

[Magdlyn]

Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG

Poly people can still be possessive. Not all obviously, but some.

Well, just to make the distinction, NRE does not automatically cause possessiveness in poly relationships.

I guess this Helen Fisher has not heard of compersion... i still havent made time to watch her youtubes.