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  #31  
Old 08-17-2010, 11:40 PM
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Uuummm.......I wont try to talk you into something that may potentially cause you a great amount of heartache. Thats your call. If you have such a hard time communicating, then why is your wife still with you? You obviously have something special with her. If I may suggest something, take a step back from your life and breath. I know, it sounds funny but if you and your mate are fighting that much, there is something that needs to be addressed.
When you talk with your wife, go slowly and really think about what you want to say. Thats what I have to do, deep breath and really think about what you are trying to say to her. I use different words in different ways, so it helps for me to explain what I mean. Yes, it takes more time, but i find that it helps immensely. Best of luck to you. I hope that everything works out for the best for you and your wife.
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  #32  
Old 08-19-2010, 01:21 AM
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Well.....Today was the worst day in a VERY long time. I was at work, and my wife called and tells me that D wanted to have a sit down meeting with me. I was surprised, but I agreed. L told me a LITTLE about what D wanted to discuss....And I became depressed. (still am)

Anyway, I went to meet up with D. It was just the two of us at the mall food court. We started talking....D told me that S had noticed me looking at her with eyes that were "more than just friends" looking. I admitted to her that I had feelings for her that were more than just "friends". She said that she did too, but.....that it was not love. How depressing. She said that she REALLY enjoys our timne together, but that she had to talk to her hubby about whether or not we (all 4 of us) will ever get together again or not. She said that she DOES want to still be friends...and possibly even friends with bennifits. I will take what I can get at this point. I am depressed about this whole chain of events, but......I'm still alive...and that's supposed to be a good thing. Right? Sigh....maybe I'll write more later.....I just don't know.


Polyamory - More love.....More heartbreak.
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  #33  
Old 08-19-2010, 12:48 PM
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Oh, I am so happy for you that your group had a lovely evening together. That sounded really fun. Your relationship is really developing!

"You can't hurry love, girl, you'll just have to wait. Love don't come easy, it's a game of give and take."
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  #34  
Old 08-19-2010, 01:09 PM
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Magdlyn Did you read all the thread because you missed the last post just above yours.
Please go up above yours and read this last one from TL4everu2's post.
I am sure you just missed it. OUr relationship is NOT developing it is done for now. As we are waiting for S to decide if he can handle anything more then just friends at this point.
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  #35  
Old 08-19-2010, 01:24 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TL4everu2 View Post
but that she had to talk to her hubby about whether or not we (all 4 of us) will ever get together again or not. She said that she DOES want to still be friends...and possibly even friends with bennifits. I will take what I can get at this point.
Yes, I read this part, L. It seems to me she still wants to be friends, but not rushed into love. She's a bit nervous, maybe b/c she hasnt dared love another besides her husband, and coming from a swinger's attitude. She might just be protecting her heart, and learning about polyamory.

That is something I drew from TL's post... but of course, I don't know all the nuances of the situation.

It was just 4 days ago you all had such a wonderful night and morning together! That must mean something.
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Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

me: Mags, 58, living with:
miss pixi, 37, who is dating (NRE):
Master, 32
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  #36  
Old 08-19-2010, 02:10 PM
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She said that she REALLY enjoys our timne together, but that she had to talk to her hubby about whether or not we (all 4 of us) will ever get together again or not.
/QUOTE]

well it is not only up to her or T it is up to all of us at this point. and right now S says no. I know T wrote will upset and hurt but we have talked and understand this may never happen again. But it could turn out to be a great learning curve to how we all feel. Either way we have been given a tough lesson on poly life. We may or may not continue with it(poly) we are up in the air at this point.
As to not rushing into love she says to me she has a strong bond and feelings for T but it is not now or ever will be love like he wants it to be.

Sorry T for being blunt here i am not trying to hurt you more then you are right now. I want you and I to be happy in what ever happens, either way we have each other to lean on and I will hold you up until you are strong again around her.
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  #37  
Old 08-19-2010, 02:23 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LT4everu2 View Post
As to not rushing into love she says to me she has a strong bond and feelings for T but it is not now or ever will be love like he wants it to be.
A strong bond and feelings is good! We all love in our own ways. No one loves another exactly the way the loved one loves her! He can't force her to return his love in exactly the same way he feels it.

Quote:

Sorry T for being blunt here i am not trying to hurt you more then you are right now. I want you and I to be happy in what ever happens, either way we have each other to lean on and I will hold you up until you are strong again around her.
Mmmm, that's so sweet.
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Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

me: Mags, 58, living with:
miss pixi, 37, who is dating (NRE):
Master, 32
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  #38  
Old 08-19-2010, 11:16 PM
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Maybe she's just comparing her feelings for you to her hubby. I have love for some very close friends of mine, i might even call it love, but the feelings(love?) that I have for them come nowhere close to what I have for my K. Remember D is still in the swingin, just for fun mode. If it were me, I would try to stay positive and SLOW DOWN. D said that she has feelings for you, let them grow and see what happens. Just my 2 cents.
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  #39  
Old 08-20-2010, 01:26 AM
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TL4everu2 TL4everu2 is offline
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Ok....Here is what I'm doing now.......

In accordance with the thread title...we are "OFF again". LOL


Anyway, I have decided to simply sit back, and put up my walls again when it comes to D. I told her today, that the next time I see her, I will be a different acting person. Why whould I be "different acting"? Because I will have walls up to protect myself from getting those feelings again. I simply can't bring myself to hurt D, L, or S...Or my kids. So I have put up the walls and refuse to try to cultivate any kind of relationship other than a simple aquaintenceship with D. It hurts....and I really will miss her....but I have hurt her and my wife......So...I'm dropping it like a hot rock.

How can I turn it off, and on so easily? Simple, I look the other way. When I get around D, I won't look her in the eyes (or at her breasts LOL), and I won't touch her anymore....I may not even look in her direction. It'll be a hard thing to do...going over to their house, but....I have to try to make it work. I will live my life one day at a time, and in denial. I figure if I do it long enough, then I will not have the dexsire anymore.

Why would we be going to their house? because S AND D want to remain friends with us in spite of these feelings I have for D. In the words of Spock; "The needs of the many (S, D, and L), outweigh the needs of the few (me)".Is it a "perfect" solution? No....but it's the best one I can come up with for now.

L and I are taking a break (again) from going over to S & D's house for a couple weeks. Maybe this will help with my "issues". If not, every time I start thinking about D, I'll just bash my head into a wall. LOL
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  #40  
Old 08-21-2010, 02:20 AM
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Well, another day goes by....I have spoken in person to S. He said he noticed the way I was looking at D. He said that's not what we all go together for 3 years ago when we all met. He said he's "not into the whole polygamy thing". I tried and tried before to explain how polyamory and polygamy are different....I never even mentioned it this time! HE did! GRRRR!!! Anyway, he and I agreed that we were adults, and we could work through this tough time. I spoke to L tonight, and she even said that we would probably all even hook up again. She said "I mean, we've been together for 3 years or so now. Think about it.".....So I did. And I have still decided to simply keep my walls up. Until S comes to L and I about something different, I'll keep those walls in place. Even if D comes to me, I'll put on a show and keep em up. ?I can NOT afford to hurt my wife...or my friends anymore, than I already have, by my lost little head of emotions. I am beginning to think a bit more clearly now though.....And I really liked the high I had when I was around D....but....I can't have that high anymore. Not for a very long time...if ever. I have to be considerate of the other people involved here, and not be selfish. Soooo....There you have it folks. You have witnessed a plane fly high...hit the sun...and the crash in a huge ball of flame...

Hopefully, we will have a phoenix rise from the ashes! One could hope!
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