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  #11  
Old 08-09-2010, 12:10 AM
FormerUnicorn FormerUnicorn is offline
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Jealousy can be incredibly complex, but in this case I'm guessing it has to do with the simple fact that you feel secure with your wife, and not very secure in the situation with D.
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  #12  
Old 08-09-2010, 12:31 AM
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TL4everu2 TL4everu2 is offline
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That makes sense. Thank you for the clarification. Sigh....Well then I guess I really need to make some more communication with D. It's hard, as we have almost ZERO time alone. In fact, I think we have been alone maybe 2 times since we've met. LOL Once was last week. What a high.
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  #13  
Old 08-09-2010, 02:18 AM
Jade Jade is offline
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Secondary jealousy... ah yes, I know it well. But I believe Former Unicorn is right on target. You're in a secure place with your wife, not so much with the other, so those who grab the other's attention feel threatening... If it were just swinging it would be no big deal (it'd be more like school kids comparing notes), but when romance is introduced into the equation, you want to feel firmly grounded in the relationship before your partners' resources are zapped by all the other shiny people. It's a slow process, dude, especially when two of the four of you are uncertain. Hell, it's slow when one of four of you is uncertain.

It's not abnormal and can be overcome. You're in a bit of a rough place because it sounds like you can't really talk with them about it. Wouldn't want to rush anything. But hopefully identifying why you feel the way you do will help you roll with it.

I'm kind of reading between the lines of your posts here, but I see a tough quad dynamic developing. If I could offer advice from my own experience, which is almost three years in and still evolving, it would be, "don't focus on this couple." They are not ready to proceed at your pace, so fill your life with other things. Focus on your own family, work, your home, other friends. Spend the quality time with them, but don't give them more priority than they're due. If the desire is mutual, they will find a way to show it and give you the footing you need to communicate and feel more openly with them.
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  #14  
Old 08-09-2010, 03:15 AM
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TL4everu2 TL4everu2 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jade View Post
Secondary jealousy... ah yes, I know it well. But I believe Former Unicorn is right on target. You're in a secure place with your wife, not so much with the other, so those who grab the other's attention feel threatening... If it were just swinging it would be no big deal (it'd be more like school kids comparing notes), but when romance is introduced into the equation, you want to feel firmly grounded in the relationship before your partners' resources are zapped by all the other shiny people. It's a slow process, dude, especially when two of the four of you are uncertain. Hell, it's slow when one of four of you is uncertain.

It's not abnormal and can be overcome. You're in a bit of a rough place because it sounds like you can't really talk with them about it. Wouldn't want to rush anything. But hopefully identifying why you feel the way you do will help you roll with it.

I'm kind of reading between the lines of your posts here, but I see a tough quad dynamic developing. If I could offer advice from my own experience, which is almost three years in and still evolving, it would be, "don't focus on this couple." They are not ready to proceed at your pace, so fill your life with other things. Focus on your own family, work, your home, other friends. Spend the quality time with them, but don't give them more priority than they're due. If the desire is mutual, they will find a way to show it and give you the footing you need to communicate and feel more openly with them.
I hate it when other people are right. We really ARE falling for them. Me more than my wife though at this point in time. She realizes this, and is supportive. She tries telling me to "slow down" and let it all "develop" on it's own through careful cultivation and blah blah blah. LoL But in my typical fashion, I want to zip right to the good stuff. Sigh....I've practiced martial arts for the last 14 years....And I have yet to learn patience, and how to cultivate something. I'll be spending more and more time training now with your advise in mind. Occupy my mind with other things......Uggh....It's hard, but I'll try.

I DID realize today though, that I need to listen more, and better whenever D talks. It seems my wife L, knows more about D than I do!

Next weekend, we (L and I) are cooking S & D dinner. Unfortunatly, D just went on the southbeach diet TH?IS week. Which makes our menu selection a bit more difficult. LOL But, I plan on actually LISTENING to her likes, and dislikes, and actually trying to make it a nice and enjoyable meal for them both.

Jade, thank you for your advise. Please, offer more of it, because it helps to keep me grounded.



Now, off to bed. I have an interview tomorrow at 8am and it's 30 miles away.

Last edited by TL4everu2; 08-09-2010 at 03:17 AM.
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  #15  
Old 08-09-2010, 05:39 PM
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TL4everu2 TL4everu2 is offline
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Well, today I am feeling a bit better. I really hate jealousy in all it's forms. It makes me sick when I experience it. and it's been so long since I've felt it that I forgot what it felt like. It really SUCKS!

Last edited by TL4everu2; 08-11-2010 at 11:43 PM.
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  #16  
Old 08-09-2010, 06:30 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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I think its a good step. Figure out if you are on the same page. If not, then you might want to change chapters
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  #17  
Old 08-09-2010, 07:12 PM
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TL4everu2 TL4everu2 is offline
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Definatly Ari. Not books, mind you, but definatly chapters.
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  #18  
Old 08-09-2010, 11:18 PM
Jade Jade is offline
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Does the wife know your plan? I ask because the spouse's perspective can often help you focus on what it is you're trying to communicate, as well as to what end.

How'd the interview go?
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  #19  
Old 08-10-2010, 02:58 AM
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TL4everu2 TL4everu2 is offline
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Yes, the wife knows. The interview went great...I got the job and start tomorrow.
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  #20  
Old 08-11-2010, 11:42 PM
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TL4everu2 TL4everu2 is offline
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Ok, here I am again....What a day today....Yawn...So tired...It's been a while since I've actually had to "work" so hard. LOL
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