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Old 12-02-2012, 03:39 PM
Becca Becca is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 113

I absolutely avoid trashtalking, and go further-- if a partner tells me something about a conflict they have with an OSO, I am very careful to communicate (1) that I can provide a sympathetic ear, to a point (I have careful boundaries around not getting too involved with their conflicts), but (2) I am not going to voice my complete opinion about the subject, because if I do think anything negative about their OSO, I'm not going to say it.

I am generally all about complete and open honesty, but this is one exception. If my boyfriend's girlfriend is in any way in the wrong, I will go out of my way to avoid voicing my opinion about that, if at all possible. If that becomes a problem, then there is a deeper relationship problem that I need to address.

I have never had a problem with a metamour saying something negative about me, but I would set some serious boundaries if it did happen (which might limit or end my relationship with that partner).
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Old 12-03-2012, 12:24 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.
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Old 12-03-2012, 01:51 AM
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SisterLauren SisterLauren is offline
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: CA
Posts: 9

Originally Posted by persephone View Post
I am realizing that, while I have never had a partner who said an unkind word against my primary partner, my primary partner has been in several situations where partners or would-be partners of his were not nearly that respectful towards me, to put it mildly. I am also realizing that I have a huge problem with how he deals with those situations. Primary partner tends to be conciliatory and conflict-avoidant by nature, and tends to try to make peace between me and assorted volatile others. I told him today, I feel we need a zero-tolerance rule of trash-talking me, of any kind, by other partners or would-be partners.

I am wondering what people find acceptable and unacceptable in these situations.

What kinds of things have you said to partners or would-be partners who treated your partner with a lack of respect, insulted them, or engaged in trashtalk? Do you automatically break it off with such people, or do they get a warning?
Good question! I would think this happens to the best of us, sometimes I even find myself doing it. I think unless the trash talk is a legitimate concern, its coming from a place of jealousy or insecurity. We have to look within ourselves, or have a discussion with the disgruntled partner to see what is the root cause of the lashing out and work on it at the source.
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