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  #81  
Old 08-13-2010, 01:32 PM
TruckerPete TruckerPete is offline
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DnC,

This is painful to hear. I can't imagine what living it must be like. I know you love her, but to do so at your health's expense is simply not a sustainable thing.

But either you will come to this conclusion, or she will magically see what she's going to lose and seriously check herself. I wouldn't hold out for option 2, personally.

Love and much hugs your way. We'll be here to listen.
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  #82  
Old 08-13-2010, 02:26 PM
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assets assets is offline
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Just because you love someone, doesn't mean that you should enable their self-destructive behaviour. This is what you are doing.

I believe that she does have a need to discover who she is but not at the expense of your relationship. Not at the expense of the person she claims to love. You are allowing her to create a pattern of lying and deceit in your relationship, because as much as you may not want to admit it, this is part of your relationship. You have allowed yourself to become wrapped up in this whole situation. You talk to his wife and speak about her becoming a friend but you are not building a good relationship with her. You are lying to her too.

I don't mean to beat you up about this. I know you probably know much of what I'm saying I just see so many similarities in what your wife is doing and what my ex did that it's scary. Our relationship ended very badly. I still love him but i never want to see him again and i think that is sad to have invested that much time and energy into a person that you can't stand to be around. I would even say that I hate him for the things that he has done to me and I don't use that term loosely.

I hope you and your wife can work things out in your relationship so that both of your needs are being met because it sounds as if yours aren't and she feels no desire to help you to be happy in your marriage.

hugs to you and take care. You are strong and you will get through this.
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  #83  
Old 08-13-2010, 04:31 PM
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redsirenn redsirenn is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DazednConfused View Post
I do love her enough to be totally commited to her happiness at the sake of my own.
Uh Oh.

Think about that one for a moment. If you are truly doing this, it is time to back away, IMO.

There should be at the very least a light at the end of the tunnel, days where you felt heard or understood, and moments (many!!!) where her actions reflect that.
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  #84  
Old 08-13-2010, 05:04 PM
DazednConfused DazednConfused is offline
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Default Question regarding sex

I'm just trying to figure out my boundries. As I'm new in exploring if I as, a mono(for now) can make it work with my sort of poly wife, I've reached a stumbling block. I'm incredably attracted to my wife, and more so since she began sleeping with her BF, for whatever reason. I'm having trouble persuing my attraction if I know she was with him before me. Part of me says so what, the other is a bit squicked. Thoughts?
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  #85  
Old 08-13-2010, 05:08 PM
DazednConfused DazednConfused is offline
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Thank you all for your thoughtful, and thought provoking responses. While I do bitch board here about all the wrong, I'm still only happy when I'm in her arms. I'm trying to distance myself on the cheating thing, for example, I didn't go out Tuesday when I knew he and his mrs were there, but I did yesterday. Their NRE is so time consuming, it's like if I don't allow myself to be present for these things I lose even more time with her. I know our chances of survival are slim at this point, I'm just trying to push away the raw ugly emotions and enjoy what I can, when I can.
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  #86  
Old 08-13-2010, 05:32 PM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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Are they fluid bonded?

When my ex was going to explore a sexual relationship with our friend who was stricly a lesbian, we all discussed a sort of boundaries. One was that I could not cum in her anymore because our friend was disgusted by cum and could smell/taste it a mile away apparently.

I don't care if Redpepper just finished having sex with Polynerdist and then we get together..in fact we've had threesomes so that kind of thing doesn't bother me (specifically for Polynerist...I have a bond with him that negates all those feelings of "some one else's penis was just where my mouth is about to go).

Part of it may reside in your dislike of her partner? Or a dislike of male sexuality?
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  #87  
Old 08-13-2010, 05:38 PM
DazednConfused DazednConfused is offline
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Great points, I'm still hashing it out.

As for fluid bonded, they arent sure about the 1st time, but she swears (at my insistance) they use condoms.

I like him well enough, hes an old friend, and we get along as well as could be expected. As for me, she's my first female relationship, I've been a fan of the male body for a lifetime.

Just can't figure out why I'm squicked. Maybe it's pride/ego? I really don't know, it's just bugging the heck out of me. Now that her time is split, I really need to get over it if I'm going to have any sort of life..I'm just kinda ick...
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  #88  
Old 08-13-2010, 05:46 PM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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I understand the ick factor as well unfortunately. For me it directly relates to my level of compersion...more compersion, less ick.
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  #89  
Old 08-13-2010, 05:48 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Well, it's probably b/c of all the other shit around this relationship. Your body is telling you no, even if your head and heart are bending over backwards to try and make this mess all work.

Speaking personally, my gf and I are so tight and we trust each other so much, she can share me directly w a lover (we've had one 3way), or enjoy my body imm after I come home from a date, and either feel neutral about it, or actually titallated.

Her only boundary is I always use condoms with the men. She explains it's partly for health reasons, and partly just a little territorial thing.

Of course, I would always use them anyway, but she used to always ask me if I did after a date. lol It was kinda cute.
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  #90  
Old 08-13-2010, 05:52 PM
DazednConfused DazednConfused is offline
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Quote:
level of compersion...more compersion, less ick.
crap....

Quote:
Well, it's probably b/c of all the other shit around this relationship. Your body is telling you no, even if your head and heart are bending over backwards to try and make this mess all work.
interesting...may be it. But, if it were some passive aggressive thing, why do I want to so bad/so often?

Cripes this is so darn confusing.
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