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  #51  
Old 08-08-2010, 01:18 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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I think its done confused. If they have an apartment now? That equals done. She's dug her grave and now she is going to lye in it.

Get off the bottle, pack your stuff and get out before she uses up whatever is left of you. She isn't worth it and neither is he.

I'm so sorry about all this, but you need to go and be with your mum right now.
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  #52  
Old 08-08-2010, 02:41 AM
DazednConfused DazednConfused is offline
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They ran a race together today and went to my/our place after. Once he left, I came home. Im so sad today, between this, getting news about mom yesterday, and today is anniversary of my Aunt's passing 2 yrs ago, and the birthday of another Aunt who passed 2 yrs ago. I knew when he was going to pick her up this morn, so I went to work for a few, visited 2 cemetaries, gound a bar to sit in and wait for the all clear. I actually saw a pic on facebook he posted of my girl after the race with her medal, that was fun. We went to a festival for a few hours this eve, and she wasmt feeling well so she went to bed. Im just sad and lonely.
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  #53  
Old 08-09-2010, 02:50 PM
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RickPlus RickPlus is offline
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Hi DazednCopnfused,
So sorry to hear about your mom.

I appreciate that you are trying to take the high road, give them time to make their own mistakes and learn from them, etc. but I think that things have reached a crisis. You need to save your strength for yourself and your mom.

If they want to continue this train wreck in slow motion, I think you need to let them do it where you don't have to watch. The thing is, it might be weeks or months (or years) before it blows up on them. Do you want to go thru the emotional roller-coaster the whole time?

Let us say the best case scenario happens, but it takes awhile. Things happen for a few months, there is a blow up, your wife learns something from this, feels like a moron and wants to repair things with you. If you emotionally have put gone thru a wringer for months over this, will there be too much scar tissue on your heart to be ABLE to forgive her and make things good again? Maybe the best chance for your relationship is to break up for a while and let them make their own mistakes with out you having to go thru it all with them.

I am not trying to argue that you SHOULD do this. That is your choice and you know far more about the situation than me. But you may want to consider this.

Best of luck. Warm regards, Rick.
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  #54  
Old 08-09-2010, 02:57 PM
DazednConfused DazednConfused is offline
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Gosh this is all so hard. We all went to a benefit last night, including his wife. We went out after, and it just made things harder. I really think his wife is a great person. We talked alot last night, and it's pretty clear she's only in the marriage "for the kids". Meanwhile, the closer friends we become, the more of a POS I feel like.
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  #55  
Old 08-09-2010, 04:13 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DazednConfused View Post
Gosh this is all so hard. We all went to a benefit last night, including his wife. We went out after, and it just made things harder. I really think his wife is a great person. We talked alot last night, and it's pretty clear she's only in the marriage "for the kids". Meanwhile, the closer friends we become, the more of a POS I feel like.

Honestly you have to stop that. Why beat yourself up? Just enjoy building the friendship
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  #56  
Old 08-10-2010, 12:05 AM
anotherbo anotherbo is offline
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Default Hmmm

I posted a while back about the importance of giving yourself time to think. But as I keep reading your posts, it strikes me that you're taking a lot of emotional damage in the meanwhile. Is it possible to remove yourself from the situation for a while, without creating too many more problems?

Its hard to make a good decision when you're continually getting the shit kicked out of you.

And I'm sorry too about your mom. I can't imagine how you're managing to hang in there.

/hugs and love,


Anotherbo
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  #57  
Old 08-10-2010, 07:25 AM
FireChild FireChild is offline
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*hugs* its so hard when parents get sick. My father had a stroke and a heart attack a few years ago. If you ever want to talk my PM box is open.

You remind me a lot of my friend who moved away recently. Take care of yourself please. You're too nice of a person not to.
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  #58  
Old 08-10-2010, 05:07 PM
DazednConfused DazednConfused is offline
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Thank you all, as always. I'm trying to take some of your advice. I told her today that I'm moving into the spare room until I can get a better handle on things. I hope some day we can make it work, but between really thinking about his marriage/cheating status, my mom, and some issues with my job; I just need a breather.
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  #59  
Old 08-10-2010, 07:07 PM
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good on you. That is an excellent idea.
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  #60  
Old 08-11-2010, 02:19 PM
DazednConfused DazednConfused is offline
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Great in theory sucks in practice. So last night she went to a concert with him, his wife, and some other peeps. I passed and stayed home fixing up my new accomodations.

She came home talked for a few and went to bed. Later she crawled in my bed and held me, we talked for a few, and she went back to the master. Nothing earthshaking, always welcome in our bed stuff...

It's all just so damn hard, this is killing my self esteem, I dont feel wanted or needed in the slightest. While she says it all the time, I just cant feel it. It's really not her, Im too much in my own head.
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