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  #141  
Old 08-18-2010, 04:48 PM
DazednConfused DazednConfused is offline
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UGH..now she wants me to come, told her I'm going out, if they choose to find me, fine, but I'll be damned if I'm coming to them.

Our apartment is a perk of her job, so even if I wanted to, which I don't I couldn't throw her out.

Question for the Poly's out there - women are a royal pain in the ass, why would you EVER want more than one?!?!?
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  #142  
Old 08-18-2010, 05:59 PM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
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It's a matter of finding the ones who aren't crazy.
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When speaking of various forms of non-monogamy...it ain't poly if you're just fucking around.

While polyamory, open relationships, and swinging are all distinctly different approaches to non-monogamy, they are not mutually exlusive. Folks can, and some do, engage in more than one of them at a time--and it's all good.
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  #143  
Old 08-18-2010, 11:10 PM
LoveWarrior LoveWarrior is offline
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Wow. This situation sounds like just a mess from my seat on the outside. I am so sorry that you are going through it. And sorry that your wife picked a dickhead to become involved with.

Maybe I missed it somewhere in this thread but have you told her that you love her so much that the idea that this man would be anything less than giving of 100% kindness and honestly makes you crazy.

I am not sure what your vows were but I have a hunch from what I've read of you here that somewhere in their was the idea that you would have her back through it all. And sometimes having their back means telling them that they deserve better than they are getting.

You are truly a better woman than I. My GF's daughter has been being mean to her in the way that 16 yr olds can be to their mums and it has been all I can do to not want to choke the kid. But I am just THAT loyal.

Good luck. Glad you have this place to help sort things out.
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  #144  
Old 08-19-2010, 06:18 PM
DazednConfused DazednConfused is offline
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@LoveWarrior - thank you for pointing out what should have been obvious, I did tell her today, maybe too late.

Last Night, I went out, got drunk, picked up a stranger, while she was out with BF, sent her text for permission to..you know...she approved, and I simply couldn't bring myself to actually do a damn thing.

I don't know if that was the catalyst or what was, but I broke.

This morning when she got up, she wished me a happy anniversary (I slept in other room), I said something to the effect of "no, it's not, we're done". It all very hazey to me now. I'm staying in the apartment, we're not telling anyone, but I told her as far as Im concerned the romantic side of our marriage is over. We've been talking for 5 or 6 hours online now, we're both crushed. God, I hate seeing her hurt, and to be the one hurting her, it's like an endless cycle of pure misery. She's offered to end it with him, begged me not to do this.....

I told her she needs to end it with this jerk (@LW this is where I tapped into your advice) when shes ready, I did tell her what a piece of shit I think he is.

God, why couldnt she have been a swinger, we both coulda had fun, and I coulda delt.

I just don't know where to go from here, how do I win this? I want my wife back.
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  #145  
Old 08-19-2010, 06:38 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Oh AC, I'm so sorry.

Please PM me if you need to. You know where to find me.
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  #146  
Old 08-19-2010, 06:46 PM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DazednConfused View Post
God, I hate seeing her hurt, and to be the one hurting her, .
Don't take the responsibilty for that one. Your response to her actions hurt her. Without those actions you wouldn't be responding this way..see what I mean?

Regardless, I am sorry that both of you are going through this....this looks like a tragic mix of NRE and manipulation.

Take care and be strong
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  #147  
Old 08-19-2010, 07:42 PM
LoveWarrior LoveWarrior is offline
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@DnC

I am so glad that my words helped and so sorry that things are so bad.
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  #148  
Old 08-19-2010, 07:51 PM
DazednConfused DazednConfused is offline
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Thank you all, this just sucks. I do hope when they end, and before she finds someone else, that I can get her to come here and gain some mentors so shes not so friggen alone.

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  #149  
Old 08-19-2010, 08:22 PM
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redsirenn redsirenn is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DazednConfused View Post

I just don't know where to go from here, how do I win this? I want my wife back.
You ARE winning this. You stood up for yourself, what you think is right, and told her so. That is HUGE.
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  #150  
Old 08-20-2010, 01:55 AM
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TL4everu2 TL4everu2 is offline
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Dazed...I feel for you. I really do. If you look in my thread, you'll see than I have my own issues also. It really sucks when we hurt those we love. Over the last week or so, I have hurt my wife....my best friend....and my (now ex) gf. I can't seem to get anything "right" ever. But...I have figured out a few things.

1) Polyamory = many loves.....very difficult to manage.
2) With "many loves", comes "many heartbreaks".


I learned a long time ago, that a bi-sexual person does not just have twice as many chances to get lucky...They also get denied twice as much....if not more.

Poly is similar.
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