Am I getting better or worse?

[redpepper]

I have a hard time when people say "put yourself first" I think I like "I am my own primary." it kind of indicates that we think for our selves and don't do things that we don't want to but also consider others in that.

Anotherconfused. I have thinking about your issue here. I am actually surprised that this guy has all three of you so wrapped around his finger. His wife, your wife, you... I don't think I've ever seen that before. I haven't known lesbians that allow that much of men in their lives. Interesting. I guess she's not actually a lesbian really. Its hard to know what is really going on if I'm not there, but it was just a thought. It has made me a bit angry actually. So manipulative and controlling some how!

[DazednConfused]

Well, after another craptastic day, she got laid last night, and even had the class to come home with hickies. Gonna be awhile before I touch anyonebesides myself. Majorly pissed

[Mohegan]

I can't give you any advice, but I get it. I can't get turned on if Karma smells of her perfume. And I have a personal distaste for hickies sooo everytime he comes home with one I'm a mess. My big issue has always been if he's with someone but can't sleep with them, then comes home to me. I feel like a sceond rate prize.

I'm sorry I know it isn't helpful, but I just wanted you to know I get it. I don't have an explanation, but I understand the feelings. I don't particularly have compersion for Karma and his g/f, so maybe that whole comfort in the relationship theory has a lot to do with it. If he snuggles with my wife ( a very close friend of both of ours) and he comes home smelling of her, that doesn't bother me.

[Vexxed]

Originally Posted by DazednConfused

it also feels kind of a pride thing...a why the hell do I wanna go there if he just did...even though i REALLY REALLY want to...

I think it is possible that it is a pride thing. I've felt similar feelings. I have avoided performing oral sex on my girlfriend a couple of times because her other boyfriend is better at that than I am. He can give her an orgasm that way, and I have not been able to. So, rather than go down and think negative thoughts about how I'm inferior at pleasuring her orally, I just passed and had intercourse with her.

That's only happened a couple of times though, because I usually still go down to give her a longer warm up before intercourse, to experience the intimacy of it, and finally to be that close to her gorgeous vagina!

[DazednConfused]

Well, we had a long talk yesterday. I told her I'm at my wits end, my breaking point. That since this has started I feel like shes leading a separate life and only involving me on the bad parts. That I need her to include me more on everything. I feel like it's my last, best hope to throw myself in as much as I can stand and see if I can do this. We spent the day in each others arms, I moved back into the master...I just don't know.

He told her they need to 'cool it' this week cause it's our anniversary week, she says to me 'he's one hell of a guy'. My mind goes right to no, the married guy fucking my wife is not one hell of a guy. I just can't help the nasty inside of me, the anger, pain. I forced myself to get past the hickies (grr) after writing him a biting message on facebook. He writes me back that it was an accident, and he's ready to stop for me, I just have to say the word. WTF! Mind fuck much? Of course I can't 'say the word'. It's not up to me.

Another friend and family mamber have caught on, ugh they are so clumsy!

Well, get results of mom's biopsy this week, and hopefully a treatment plan. And it's looking more and more likely that my job may transfer me come October. She gets furious when I tell her my position might require alot more travel, says it will kill us, and I can just stay home and collect unemployment.

So ya, mom cancer, marriage, failing, job failing...feeling pretty darn good these days.

[MonoVCPHG]

Originally Posted by DazednConfused

He writes me back that it was an accident, and he's ready to stop for me, I just have to say the word. WTF! Mind fuck much? Of course I can't 'say the word'. It's not up to me.

Fuck it. Call his bluff. See if his word to you is any better than the words he says to the wife he's fucking around on. He's got zero credibility in the honesty department. Maybe he needs some one to prove it.

[DazednConfused]

LOL!!! I wish! Thing is, if he actually did end it, my wife would never forgive me for ruining it.

[SNeacail]

Originally Posted by DazednConfused

And it's looking more and more likely that my job may transfer me come October. She gets furious when I tell her my position might require alot more travel, says it will kill us, and I can just stay home and collect unemployment.

I'm sorry, this is just such a horrible thing to say to someone you love. There are lots of ways to make a relationship work when work requires a lot of traveling. That comment was incredibly selfish on her part, you deserve someone who will support you. The unemployment in your area must be better and easier to qualify for than where I live.

[DazednConfused]

I think she feels, probably correctly, if I wind up on road more, with the current troubles we're having, that our relationship wouldn't survive

[MonoVCPHG]

Originally Posted by DazednConfused

LOL!!! I wish! Thing is, if he actually did end it, my wife would never forgive me for ruining it.

I'm not sure what would be ruined anymore. You are constantly being disrespected it seems and this guy's wife is completley being discounted as a feeling human being as long as they continue thier affair.

I guess you would be raining on thier little parade. They are living in a fantasy world. I'd say they either want to get caught to create a big change because they aren't strong enough to make the move or they are oblivious to the fragility of thier disolusioned world. For the record..they suck at having an affair and that is either a good sign indicating a lack of practice or a bad sign indicating they simply don't give a fuck about how it affects you or this guy's wife.

The whole situation reeks of selfishness, childishness, and sadness.

I feel for you my friend. Sorry to be such a downer