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Old 07-25-2010, 05:39 PM
bluestone bluestone is offline
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Default How to turn a polite V into a triad

We (me and him) have always wanted everyone to have the most they can in this situation.

She has been initially positive then withdrew. Since then me and him have held onto hope she will come back.

A while ago things started getting better, I would find myself laying one side of him while she lay the other, these nights led to closer things and all seemed well. Bad feelings forgotten and something for everyone. Impossible was not a thing. Now she has backed off again and I almost wish things had stayed lets not talk about it polite, tell everyone what they need to hear.

Uh I spose not, change is usually for the best. But I am a bit upside down, I feel such a rift between me and her and he is in the middle. I now think about them together at the weekend while I am working and think about them going to bed together while I am home alone.

I fear the divide will only get more. I have tried to open things up, she is a quiet one, we dont know quite what goes on in there. She has put a few feelings in righting:scared mostly.
Of what? He has said he is not monogamous, does not wish to live how he is not and will not try to change. If she is afraid to loose him she would put some effort in. So maybe its me she is afraid of, she is afraid to get closer to me, she has no other friends but is close to her family. Maybe she is just afraid of the unknown.

I have said I will be waiting for her, as I have been all along. I am still waiting. What is my next move? I dont think I can push her for an answer, I think she would back away. I dont feel we can go back to polite and hang out, do friend things and slowly get closer as before cus I have initiated a stand off, dont come back till you are willing to work at this, or something, a can we talk about how we might move forward. Does she even know thats an option? I have not seen her as much, we havent hung out exempt when I have been seeing him. How do I proceed?
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Old 07-25-2010, 06:44 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Well it seems to me that the way to move forward is to take away the stand off. You have told her not to come back until she wants to work on it? Well my guess would be she doesn't want to work on it and isn't into you for a triad. It sounds like it was nice and cozy for her to snuggle and have some sexy times with you, but that was it for her.

I would say she is scared to tell you this and has backed away as a result. It seems to me that you are ruining your friendship with her by being demandingand trying to control what happens.

She loves your man, not you from what I gather in what you have said.

So, if what I say is true, what will YOU do next? I would tell her to carry on with your man and wish them well, that you want a friendship back and then wait for her to trust your intensions. Give them the space they deserve and the friendship she needs from you. Show her that you are working towards that by doing nice things for them. Then go out and find your own girlfriend. Find your own stuff to do in oder to get your needs met rather than sitting at home wondering if they are having sex. Its up to you to get on with your life, they are doing fine and aren't interested in you bring involved in the way you want to be. That shouldn't be an issue, just informational. That's my thoughts anyway.
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Old 07-25-2010, 07:07 PM
bluestone bluestone is offline
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I just want her to gain from this too. I think she was happy for a while and that was good. Now she is jealous and insecure. I dont like to think of her like that and it seems to set me off too.

Like I said, there has been a lot of time where we function as a polite V. I spend time with them both, do activities with her and he comes to see me. (He lives with her).

Does she need or want my friendship? I dont know. Its hard to tell. Did she spend time with me cus she enjoyed it or because she was towing the line. Is that set up better than this? It seems the more me and her are divided the worse we both feel.

So I suppose thats the answer. I have to put the work in to keep the peace and make the best of it. An awkward friendship is better than division.
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