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Old 12-07-2014, 03:14 PM
QueneSeid QueneSeid is offline
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Red face Moments in Time

Hi guys! After talking to my partners and ensuring that they're comfortable with the idea, I've decided that I'm starting this blog. First post is gonna be a bit of backstory for the situation, and subsequent posts will be me updating on how things are developing.

I met my husband, J, three years ago, when I started hanging out with his college roommates. He was going through a nasty divorce, and I was already starting to develop feelings for him, so I made up my mind to be emotional and moral support for him. He started to reciprocate the feelings and affection, and shortly we were dating. It took him a while to get over his shattered marriage--she had decided to divorce him with no warning--but I stayed by his side through everything.

I moved in with J at the end of the spring semester, moving out of my family's home and several hundred miles away to his hometown. This was the first of several moves, during which J proposed to me after about a year of dating. Celebrations for the engagement continued the following week when we found out I was 4 months pregnant! We married 3 months later, that December.

That was the first time I met R. He and J are best friends--they've known each other since J was in 1st grade, and R was in 3rd. R was invited to the wedding, of course; in fact, R officiated the marriage between me and J. The following March I gave birth to a baby girl, L. We named R godfather, and he happily accepted.

Things were somewhat quiet for nearly a year. I started going back to college, pursuing a degree in engineering full time while working part time. J was happy to be a stay-at-home dad, and he's good at parenting, to boot. And for that first year or so, dealing with all the stress and the postpartum depression, on top of the fact that J's never been very outwardly affectionate, I began to spiral into a very nasty depression.

We went to visit R and his domestic partner, E for Thanksgiving that year. It was during that time R and I started to connect. We both enjoy cooking, and reading the same kinds of literature, and we both have backgrounds in programming (R's a professional software developer, in point of fact). Coming home from that weekend, J explained to me that R and E were in a one-sided polyamorous relationship--E had two significant others outside of her domestic partnership. I pondered this, and wondered how it was that R didn't get jealous. J explained that if R found someone he wanted to start a relationship with, that he and E would have a conversation about it, and more than likely R would begin dating someone else, but for that moment, R wasn't really interested in anyone else.

We didn't hear much from R or E again until the following May--at the end of my spring semester, I decided I wanted to see R again, and I knew that J wouldn't object. E was visiting one of her significant others, and was out of town, but R was quite happy to have us. That weekend, I realized that I wanted more than just a friendship with R, and talking to J about it, he agreed that he had considered what it would mean for our marriage for me to start dating R. He had no objections at the time. We approached R about my feelings, and he explained that he had reciprocated them since our last visit. After some conversations between every party, R and I started dating the following June (that's this past July, for anyone keeping count). R was able to take a more active role as L's godfather, we got to see more of R, even though he lives 3.5 hours away from us, and things started looking up!

Things got complicated quickly, though. I fell into a common issue in polyamorous relationships that spring from a pre-existing primary relationship; I got caught up in the shiny newness of my relationship with R and J began feeling less and less comfortable with the situation. Coupled with my upbringing, in which I was always taught that any extramarital affairs were abominable, I started keeping conversations between me and R from J, who recognized it as a problem and voiced his opinion. R and I stopped acting on our romantic feelings for one another, until J and I worked through his discomfort.

So now we're pretty much caught up to today--J is slowly shifting the boundaries for my relationship with R, and both me and R are ok with respecting them. We have jovially accepted the titles of "celibate boy/girlfriend" for each other. I've been focusing on finishing school--I'll be starting a new school in the fall for that--and being there for my daughter and J. Both me and J talk to R nearly every night via Skype, where we all talk about our days, our problems, and work on a chat version of a tabletop game that R is running for us.

Thanks for reading! Feel free to comment, post, message me--I love hearing from people!
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Abbi (me) (married, 22, hetero, poly)
Husband (married, 28, bi, mono)
Secondary (committed relationship, 30, bi, poly)
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  #2  
Old 12-08-2014, 10:20 PM
QueneSeid QueneSeid is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2014
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Hi everyone!

It's been a rather long couple days, so I'm glad they're over. R is planning a trip to visit this weekend, and I've been scrambling to get stuff together and plan meals and such. J and I are dealing with possible day-care scenarios so he can get a part-time job...maybe subbing?... and trying to coordinate funding for me to continue going to school full time.

I've been dealing with computer issues--I sent my laptop in to get a screen crack fixed and the guy I paid nearly $100 decided to stick his nose in my business, and delete a bunch of information I had stored in here, along with passwords and my antivirus system. So that's also been part of my day.

And J and I have learned something, in my efforts to be frugal and make my holiday gifts rather than spending money on them: I am completely incapable of knitting. :P I can understand the concepts, work them out in my head, I've been knitting and purling in my head for nearly two weeks, and I just cannot get that out on the needle. Back to the drawing board for presents, I guess.

Til next time!
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Abbi (me) (married, 22, hetero, poly)
Husband (married, 28, bi, mono)
Secondary (committed relationship, 30, bi, poly)
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