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Old 09-10-2015, 06:18 AM
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Default Stop The Vinsanity...

After looking through this part of the forum, I realized that almost all the blogs are by women. I figured I would add a man's perspective, while sorting out my thoughts. I recently had a lot of drama in my life and it has been difficult for me to process it. I think this will help me more than it will help anyone else.

By way of an introduction I guess I will start with the women in my life. First, there is my recent ex-wife, Cat (she loves cats so that is what I'll call her here). She lives in Florida and I am now in Seattle. I used to travel back and forth. We still talk...almost negotiating to see if we will ever get back together. We were together (mostly) for 20 years, though never legally married. We had an open relationship for the last year or so. I do love her, but there is a lot we need to work out.

Next is Mary (calling her that because she is sweet and innocent and plain, but not in a bad way), who was my high school sweetheart. We reconnected via Facebook a few years ago. Unfortunately she is married and monogamous, but says she is still in love with me. She has always had a piece of my heart. She is also very vanilla. She is aware that I am both poly and kinky. She doesn't understand the poly...thinks two people who love each other should only want each other. I think she is starting to get it, as she loves both me and her husband. Unfortunately, she has read 50 Shades and thinks that's what bdsm is. She is very curious about it and I answer her questions as best I can. Our current relationship is long distance as she lives in Ohio. We talk every day. I have visited her once and we did fool around a little.

Next is Elle (short for Elvira because she has beautiful long, dark hair and always wears black). She is 12 years younger than me. I met her through a friend. When she found out I was new in town she offered to show me some cool places to hang out. We became fast friends and eventually fell in love. I was still with Cat when we met and she knew it. She wasn't thrilled with the concept, but we did just start out as friends and it grew from there. When Cat and I split, Elle hoped we might end up mono together. I did consider that (good ole NRE there), but decided against it because she is a bit unstable. Then she backed off and we became more like good friends with benefits. Lately, however, she has become somewhat withdrawn and we barely talk anymore. She did ask me for a ride the other day. On the way to her place we stopped for a drink. She says she is still in love with me, but feels she should stay away because she has "issues". Then we ended up in bed together...lol.

Finally, for now, is Sprite (so named because she is short and cute and...magical). She is 10 years younger. We met on OKC about three weeks ago. After a few emails we switched to texting. We had a lunch date a couple days later. At the end of that she looks at me and asks what do I think. I said I think I'd like to see her again. She said she was free the next evening. We met at her apartment and played. She is the only non-vanilla lady I am seeing at the moment. She is in a W relationship with two married guys, plus has a girlfriend. Unfortunately, this does not leave her with a lot of time for me. We have played twice, and we talk a little every day.


I welcome any questions or comments. After reading some other stories, mine might be a little boring, not as crazy as it feels to me sometimes.

Last edited by vinsanity0; 09-10-2015 at 06:22 AM.
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Old 09-11-2015, 04:43 AM
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I spoke with Cat today. She keeps bringing up things from our past that simply can't be changed. I am willing to move past all that, but she can't seem to get past it. For now, I have just adopted a wait and see attitude. I am not holding a primary spot for her. Hell, I'm not even really interested in a primary relationship at this point. I would prefer to have several close relationships on a more or less equal footing. Solo will do me just fine.

Cat is used to having hierarchical type relationships. In her last marriage she had hubby as the primary in a DADT relationship. Then she had a BF (which I became) who was aware of hubby, but not the occasional toys beneath them. The toys knew all. That seemed backwards to me. I don't care for DADT. It seems like cheating since you have to essentially go behind the partner's back to do it. I like everything out in the open. I like being able to share my experiences with the people I love.

I am going on a trip next week. I have to give one of my drivers some re-training so I will be riding along. I let Sprite know that I wanted to see her before I left. We didn't get to see each other last weekend. She said she did want to see me as well. She would hate for it to be so long before we were together again. I told her I knew going in that she had a busy schedule. She said her schedule had to do with "having enough energy". I'm assuming that she means for the heavy play we do. I want to tell her that I really enjoy her company and we don't have to play every single time we see each other. We have a date set for Sunday afternoon so I will tell her then. I really like her and would like to be more than just play partners (though she is amazing in that aspect).

This trip will take me through Mary's city. I told her I would be able to spend a night there. She is thrilled and so am I. We talk every day, but haven't seen each other since Easter.

In fact, I talk to all three every day. Elle is a different story. She texted me last night to ask about how a business meeting went. So at least she thinks about me and is interested in what is going on in my life. I told her it went fine and asked her how she has been. No answer. I really miss the good times we always have when we are together. It really sucks that we are not on the same relationship page. She and Cat are so much alike it is scary.

Last edited by vinsanity0; 09-11-2015 at 04:45 AM.
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Old 09-12-2015, 03:48 PM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
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Thank you for starting a blog - yes the majority of active blogs on here are by women (Kevin's being the exception that comes to mind). In my mind "boring" = no major drama - and is therefore a GOOD thing. That being said, you have a lot going on! but it seems you are juggling things just fine. You are being open and honest about what you can offer and the women in your life have the option of participating ... or not, at whatever level they have to offer. Ah, mature adult relationships - priceless.
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MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (23+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (4+ yrs) and MrS's BFF
Lotus: "it's complicated"
SLeW: platonic girlfriend + BFF
+ "others" = FBs, FWBs, lover-friends, platonic G/BFs, boytoys, etc.


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Old 09-12-2015, 04:10 PM
Atlantis Atlantis is offline
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Hyperskeptic and Nox blog occasionally too. I look forward to reading another male perspective. Welcome to the Forum!
I blog to process, I find it helpful, hopefully it will work for you too.
Cat and Elle, funny how we date the same folks over and over isn't it?
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Old 09-13-2015, 04:29 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JaneQSmythe View Post
Thank you for starting a blog - yes the majority of active blogs on here are by women (Kevin's being the exception that comes to mind). In my mind "boring" = no major drama - and is therefore a GOOD thing. That being said, you have a lot going on! but it seems you are juggling things just fine. You are being open and honest about what you can offer and the women in your life have the option of participating ... or not, at whatever level they have to offer. Ah, mature adult relationships - priceless.
Thank you for the kind words. I am attempting to start life anew in a drama-free world of my own creation. Three months ago it seemed like my life was all drama all the time. I cut all that drama out of my life and it feels awesome.

You seem to have plenty going on yourself...lol. The juggling isn't too bad since two are long distance. I normally wouldn't consider LDR but these are two very important women in my life. Actually, I wish I had more going on locally. One thing I do tend to do is forget who I talked to about what when it comes to conversations about my day, etc.
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Old 09-13-2015, 04:54 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Atlantis View Post
Hyperskeptic and Nox blog occasionally too. I look forward to reading another male perspective. Welcome to the Forum!
I blog to process, I find it helpful, hopefully it will work for you too.
Cat and Elle, funny how we date the same folks over and over isn't it?
I really wish I had found this place a few months ago. It would have helped me tremendously.

Normally I date all types of women. Cat and Elle are definitely two peas in a pod. I am lucky to have found them both. Holding onto them may be a different story...
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Old 09-13-2015, 06:14 AM
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Cat and I had some great phone time today, both on my way to work and on my way home.

First, a little background. One major problem we had in our relationship was my predilection for bdsm. She was never at all interested in any sort of play of that nature. I was more or less fine with that. It did bother me that she didn't really get the dynamic. She felt that playing the submissive role would be degrading. At the same time, she felt somehow inadequate (her word) that there was something I liked that she couldn't possibly give me.

After we broke up she was having a hard time paying bills. I helped her out for awhile, but told her that couldn't go on forever. I suggested she maybe find a guy that was willing to pay all her bills for her if she didn't want to put any effort into finding a job. Now she has decided to basically look for a Sugar Daddy type. So she has an ad out there somewhere. Lately we have been laughing about some of the stuff guys write...just like the OKC thread on here, which I share with her occasionally.

Now back to our conversation. Yesterday she told me she's been talking to an interesting guy. Today she tells me he says he likes dominant women. Oh the irony. The funny thing is she does have a dominant personality. I asked her if she was still interested in the guy. She said she wasn't sure. I told her I would be happy to serve as a "technical adviser". We talked a little more about it, then I had to start work.

After work, I called her. She told me she had talked to one of my ex-subs about it. Yes, they somehow managed to become friends (Damn Facebook). Anyways, Cat thoroughly researches anything that interests her so she wanted to get a sub's perspective. XS told her she thought Cat would be well-suited for it. (And I know she is loving the fact that Cat is finding a Dominant side of herself after refusing to explore the other side with me.) So now this guy has started calling her Mistress...

Now, what was so great about these conversations is we could talk and laugh about the situation without her taking everything I said the wrong way. This is some huge progress. Because of her feelings of inadequacy, she always interpreted things as a putdown or criticism. I always felt like I was walking on eggshells. She may be on the way to letting go of some things.

And she also said that she bets Sprite will get a kick out of this story (they've never met or talked, but she is right, she probably will.)
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Old 09-15-2015, 09:59 AM
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Default Sprite

Sprite and I had a great time last night, even though it had to end a bit earlier than normal. She and one of her married partners share an apartment that they both use to meet others. She also shares a house with her ex. They alternate times to be there with the kids. This was her weekend to be home with them. They are all teenagers so it's not like they need constant supervision, but she does have to be there at night.

So...I asked her about her comment regarding having enough energy and whether that had to do with playing or just seeing anyone in general. She said it was a little bit of both. She is just in the process of adjusting to her new work schedule, having been off all summer. Suddenly she is back to work and it is very hectic. I told her I understood. I also told her that we didn't have to play every time we saw each other and I would like to spend some vanilla time with her as well. She said she would like that too...then grinned and said she really enjoyed playtime though. With that, we played and it was great. Then we laid in bed and talked some more until it was time to go...

I really enjoy my time with her, as little as that might be. I still miss having someone who is around more so that search continues.
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Old 09-18-2015, 06:12 AM
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I had some non-relationship drama over the weekend which resulted in the firing of the employee that I was supposed to ride with. Not only did he claim he was not getting paid, he was skimming off the top of his expense money.

Unfortunately, Sprite had already scheduled the next two Saturdays since she thought I would be out of town. She does have some time on Sunday though, so we will see each then.

Mary was disappointed that I wasn't driving through Ohio to meet her so she bought me a plane ticket. The weekend after this is her birthday and our high school reunion. Should be interesting. I haven't been to any of them. I feel like such a ho...lol.

Cat and I talked quite a bit today about stuff. She was unsure whether I am embracing poly or just trying it out. I reassured her everything was good. She is a little down because she hasn't found anyone. She does have a fwb but they haven't hooked up in awhile. Now she is feeling like I am having all the fun. I encouraged her to get out more. I tried to talk her into going on OKC but she doesn't want to sort through idiots.

Haven't talked to Elle in awhile. I am worried about her. She gets major bouts of depression.
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Old 09-23-2015, 03:07 AM
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I meant to post this last nite, but my internet started acting up...

Had an interesting weekend. On Saturday I went to a company cookout. Not sure if I mentioned it but it turns out Sprite's part time apartment is basically across the street from the office I mostly work out of. She texted me a "wave" and said she had been out shopping for sexy outfits with one of her guys. It really makes me feel good that she texts me just to have random conversations. At least I know she thinks about me when I'm not there.

We had scheduled to meet at 11 am on Sunday. I headed out at 10:30 to get over there and she texted me that she was running behind, so we moved it to 12:30. That gave me some time to peruse the local toy...I mean hardware store.

I got to meet one of my metamours as he was leaving to go out and watch the game. He seems nice enough. It was a little weird for me. That was the first time I had been in a situation like that.

So, he left and Sprite and I hung out for a little bit before playing. It was awesome and it keeps getting better. Afterwards we snuggled together for a bit before going out on the balcony for a smoke. At some point she was just sitting there with a smile on her face and I asked her what she was thinking. She said, "I'm happy."

After awhile we went back in and sat on the bed, still talking. I started to gather up my stuff. She said she was supposed to meet them somewhere to watch the game, but wasn't sure if she was or not. Now I think that might have been some sort of hint that she wanted me to stay because three hours after I left she texted me that she had decided not to go...and asked me if I watch football. I told her I don't, but I happened to be watching it because I stopped in a local bar on my way home. I told her I should have wrangled an invite from her to stay and hang out longer....then of course my phone died. I went out to the car and plugged it in and turned it back on. She had replied that yeah, I could have stayed after all and it looked like she would always be free on Sundays during the game. Then we both texted at the same time that we should use that to spend more time together.

I told her that I would miss her next weekend while I am out of town and she said she would miss me too. She said she still hopes I have a great time and wants to hear all about it when I get back.

So after that conversation I go back into the bar. I head out to the patio to have a smoke. As I am standing there pretending to be interested in the game, some young guy walks up and starts talking to me. He asks me if I am there alone. I say yes I am...and he asks me if I want to be. I'm thinking wtf? is this guy trying to pick me up?

It turns out his MOM was inside and had noticed me. Then she thought I left (when I went to plug my phone in) and was glad when I came back in. So he wanted to hook us up...lol.

I'll end it there because Elle just asked me what I was doing tonight. I think I'll go check on her and make sure she is doing OK....
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