Take the OKcupid plunge?

[kimber607507]

HI all

Married couple (39/40) looking to explore and start poly relationship with another couple or female.....we've been at a stand still for some time now...lets just say we are having trouble getting this concept off the ground..LOL...
Should we take the OK cupid plunge? open to any other suggestions/advice..


Thanks kim
Northern NJ

[monkeystyle]

OKC is hit or miss depending on where you live and what you're looking for. Be honest in your profile and keep your fingers crossed that you'll meet some good people along the way, as it never hurts to try. There are plenty of posts on here about that site, by the way. You may want to search for those, and see how other people feel about it.

[SchrodingersCat]

I officially met my girlfriend through OKC, though I already knew her by association through the queer community. But it is hit or miss. I haven't met anyone else that way.

[CielDuMatin]

Have you gone to any local poly get-togethers? That can be far less hit-or-miss than OKCupid - most of them are really intended as a social no-pressure environment, but at least everyone there is poly...

[kimber607507]

Originally Posted by CielDuMatin

Have you gone to any local poly get-togethers? That can be far less hit-or-miss than OKCupid - most of them are really intended as a social no-pressure environment, but at least everyone there is poly...

Yes, thanks recently joined yahoo poly group and hope to make a meet up soon
Also put together an Ok cupid profile..what's the worst that could happen?
famous last words right?
LOL

Kim

[SchrodingersCat]

Originally Posted by CielDuMatin

Have you gone to any local poly get-togethers? That can be far less hit-or-miss than OKCupid - most of them are really intended as a social no-pressure environment, but at least everyone there is poly...

Our local group specifically discourages people from using the group to pick up partners. We've had bad experiences with people coming to our meetings, looking for an easy lay. Not all groups work this way, so check first.

[kimber607507]

Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat

Our local group specifically discourages people from using the group to pick up partners. We've had bad experiences with people coming to our meetings, looking for an easy lay. Not all groups work this way, so check first.

Thanks for heads up!!
Kim

[CielDuMatin]

I definitely agree - I've been to a few get-togethers where it was fairly obvious that a first-timer was looking to hook up - not a comfortable situation. Best not to go to a get-together with that motive.

However, if you are looking to get to know poly folk, maybe make friends with them, and see whether there is any chemistry there in a low pressure situation, they are fantastic. Worst case you will get to know some new folks, right?

I met one of my current partners at a poly gathering and neither of us had any intention of finding someone... that was over four years ago...

[nycindie]

Originally Posted by kimber607507

Should we take the OK cupid plunge? . . . put together an Ok cupid profile..what's the worst that could happen?

It's really not that big a plunge to take -- although I remember how nervous I was when I first decided to do the online dating thang, after over ten years of being monogamous and married. I had it all built up inmy mind because it was totally new to me. However, you will soon find out it is more like having a second job than anything else. It gets tedious answering idiotic messages from crazies, imbeciles, sexaholics, judgmental SOBs who feel they must nitpick your profile and tell you what's wrong with you, and generally gross ugly people, OR sending out tons of messages to people you think are hot and getting no responses whatsoever! You just shouldn't have your hopes up -- **BUT** there is always the chance you will meet someone lovely, sweet, and exciting, with whom you hit it off. So the risk (and tedium) can bring its rewards. So, why not make a profile. Show some cleverness and a sense of humor, slap some good pics up there, answer a bunch of questions, take a few quizzes, and see what happens! Just go for it.

[InspirationFlow]

I would definitely agree about focusing on local poly groups. I've had no luck with OKC, very few people have actually responded and none had any interest beyond that first message...which is fine, the people I've met through my local meetup seem to like me, so no hard feelings.
I check OKC once a week or two to see who has looked at my profile and if any of them jump out at me, but it's very ancillary in my social life anyway. I've heard similar stories from other people at the meetups, too, kind of makes me wonder if it's worth checking anymore...