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  #41  
Old 07-22-2010, 09:21 PM
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clairegoad clairegoad is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jkelly View Post
Actually, someone did do a survey of polymatchmaker, and discovered that there was about twice as many men as women (mentioned here).

Thank you for that link... It has explained a lot of the background that I needed, but didn't get until just now.

claire
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  #42  
Old 07-22-2010, 11:41 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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I am not sure how much I would trust the poly diversity of polymatchmaker. It seems a little older and couple scentric.
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  #43  
Old 07-23-2010, 12:07 AM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
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Originally Posted by jkelly View Post
Actually, someone did do a survey of polymatchmaker, and discovered that there was about twice as many men as women (mentioned here).
I wouldn't quote that as a source for any claims. Without being able to examine the methodology, one can't even assume it's true for that site. There's certainly no reason to believe it would begin to apply on a greater scale.
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  #44  
Old 07-23-2010, 05:40 PM
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I know that for me, I can see an attractive woman and wonder what sex would be like. I think that men, in general, have more lustful feelings than women. Although, maybe men are just more obvious about it. It seems to me that women are more open minded or, perhaps, "wired" with the ability to have multiple loves. Most men, no not all of u, are ok with having multiple sex partners. I am.

And the surrender word that I used in the OP was way off. I think the act of sex is much more intimate for a woman because she is allowing a man, or woman, to be inside of her body, to penetrate her. So maybe thats were I came up with the surrender idea.
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  #45  
Old 07-23-2010, 05:51 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Originally Posted by dazedandlost View Post
And the surrender word that I used in the OP was way off. I think the act of sex is much more intimate for a woman because she is allowing a man, or woman, to be inside of her body, to penetrate her. So maybe thats were I came up with the surrender idea.
hmmm my problem with this, and I used to think this way btw...how do you explain lesbian sex then. Is it less intimate? (my ex's ex btw, refused to use toys/insertion for years, she believed that if you use a toy, you wanted to fuck men, their sex was still intimate)...
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  #46  
Old 07-23-2010, 08:46 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dazedandlost View Post
I know that for me, I can see an attractive woman and wonder what sex would be like. I think that men, in general, have more lustful feelings than women. Although, maybe men are just more obvious about it. It seems to me that women are more open minded or, perhaps, "wired" with the ability to have multiple loves. Most men, no not all of u, are ok with having multiple sex partners. I am.

And the surrender word that I used in the OP was way off. I think the act of sex is much more intimate for a woman because she is allowing a man, or woman, to be inside of her body, to penetrate her. So maybe thats were I came up with the surrender idea.


I am not offended by your statements for the record. It is common thinking, and who knows, might be true in more cases then not.

I can say, THAT thought process, never won awards with me. As far as lovers are concerned. I find it to be a one dimensional outlook, that lacks perspective.

...but as they say,..to each their own.
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  #47  
Old 07-23-2010, 09:59 PM
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I have to say that I feel the same way superjast. I find that the idea that men in some way are more into sex with more women and that women are in some way more connected in sex is completely foreign to me. I have never lived that reality and I find it to be a learned behaviour more than genetics.

I found this way of being was a big part of swinger lifestyle.

Its not a wrong point of view. I just find it narrow minded and it creates a box that I don't want to be in when I hang out with people who have this belief. I appreciate that you realize that not all men and women are this way inclined dazedandlost.
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  #48  
Old 07-23-2010, 10:54 PM
HappiestManAlive HappiestManAlive is offline
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I like this thread.

Regarding a previous post about frequency of breakups, arguments, etc...

I think that's actually pretty off-base. In my experience and from my observations of others:

Arguments are FAR less common AND less severe. Communication is SO key to all this, that if a poly relationship gets anywhere near serious or long term, talking aout everything, all the time, and respecting each others seemingly most trivial feelings becomes second nature. Should on erupt with 3 or 4 people all disagreeing, or heavan forbid 2 or 3 people ganging up on one, I can see the point. But in our house I can assure you that this has never happened. Our patterns of open communication mean molehills usually get dealt with while they're anthills, much less mountains. Our biggest arguments might rate a small foothill. More often than not, 2 people disagree and the 3rd and/or 4th act as mediators and facilitators - very rarely does an issue arise that all parties have an interest in worth arguing about. Those occasions where something affects all of us are even easier to deal with becuase they get found out that much faster. Mono's have it MUCH harder here IMHO. Now, just for the sake of saing it, my house is me and 3 women - so I'm VERY careful not to make "typical guy" mistakes, LMAO! 3 pissed of girlfriends all in the same house - no thank you.

Breakups - statistically, I bet they happen with about the same frequency. But in established poly groups, i don't see much in the way of breaakups. Usually a "growing apart" as people gravitate to another primary or some such; even core couples can grow apart peacably when there's a lot of love around and everyone is communicating! Indeed, I think mono's have it MUCH harder in this arena as well!

Insecurity - agai, you have a built-in network! In our house, we are addressing this right now as a matter of fact. Adrian has serious insecurity issues, and really truly thinks that as Lana and I become more physically intimate, she will be unwanted. We are ALL working REALLY hard to help her through this and help her understand that nothing could be farther from the truth! The potential is there, yes - but the support is, too. Again - open communication and respect FTW. And for the record, the numbers shown regarding cheating in "traditional" relationships are asinine, and insecurity is far harder to deal with in that context!

Spontaneity - I think this depends entirely on the people and situations involved. In many instances, poly allows for MORE spontaneity as there is always someone to "mind the store" or watch the kids if needs be. Again with the built-in support. Getting the whole group to work something out together is about the same as any group of adults - work schedules and whatnot all come into play. But with advanc planning, big things with the group can be done same as any family reunion or office party, and smaller things not involving the whole group are easier (we're lucky, all 3 girls now work together & my schedule is completely flexible, so we're not a good example, lol).

:shrug:

Last edited by HappiestManAlive; 07-23-2010 at 11:03 PM.
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  #49  
Old 07-24-2010, 04:52 AM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HappiestManAlive View Post
I like this thread.



Arguments are FAR less common AND less severe.
Married monogamously and very happily for 15 of 18 years. Never fought once the way I have in my poly relationship...even during the end. Just my experience though.

Quote:
Originally Posted by HappiestManAlive View Post

Breakups - statistically, :
Stats are flawed in relation to polyamorous relationships for the reasons you stated. Some people don't see the end of intimacy as a a break up but a growing apart of the nature of fluid relationships. In monogamy, this equates to a break up.
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  #50  
Old 07-24-2010, 12:52 PM
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Several people have mentioned that women are more likely to have online communities about poly and talk about their poly lives & I'm the living personification of it, lol.

Women are raised to share their feelings (it's ok to cry, it's nearly that time of the month so it's OK to be emotional) with other people. Men are raised, for the most part, to be strong and keep their feelings hidden from the masses.

Yes, we share our men (generalization) well. It's not too often you run across a poly woman who has the one vagina policy where as men (again generalization) tend to feel 'I'm not enough (pout, sulk) for her since she has to go out and find another penis to hang around with'. (one penis policy) They may not verbalize it or even really know what's going on with themselves but that's how I see it.

I know I'm more than happy to have Breathes find someone else. I've been the road of monogamy & found it boring & tedious trying to be his absolute everything! I love when he goes out with others. I get to hear about any details I want to hear when he gets home. He's happy, he's secure & a happy & secure Breathes means a happy & secure girl, lol.
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