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Old 11-11-2012, 05:07 PM
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GoldSakura GoldSakura is offline
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Question Reattempting the lifestyle from Colorado :)

Hello all. I've been hesitant to try entering the lifestyle again after a series of bad experiences a few years ago, but I find myself missing that third energy of someone I care about. I'm young, and when I first entered the poly world, I was naive and did not know what a unicorn was, or that I was one, which lead to lying, abuse, and a negative experience in this lifestyle. After a break, and having an amazing fiance who had 16 years of experience with poly and the negative aspects of it, I think I'm ready to try again. My fiance is currently not actively seeking outside relationships, but he is understanding that I am a very loving bisexual woman who deeply missing feminine affection and intimacy. We have discussed it at length, and decided that I may seek a relationship with a woman, and whether or not she wants to be involved in a V or a triad is totally up to her, but only after she and I have established a bond.

I suppose I'm posting because I wonder if other people have had traumatic or negative experiences with poly early on, and did you have better luck in later relationships, or was it full of let downs? I also wonder who else in or near Denver is poly-minded, but not within the meetups and such due to the drama and social issues people create there?

Thank you for any feedback you can provide <3
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Old 11-11-2012, 06:21 PM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GoldSakura View Post
I've been hesitant to try entering the lifestyle again after a series of bad experiences a few years ago, but I find myself missing that third energy of someone I care about.
Hello and welcome...hopefully reading and posting here will help this time around go smoother.

Quote:
Originally Posted by GoldSakura View Post
We have discussed it at length, and decided that I may seek a relationship with a woman and whether or not she wants to be involved in a V or a triad is totally up to her, but only after she and I have established a bond.
I'm assuming it would not actually be "totally up to her" - presumably if she were interested in a triad down the road this would also depend on your fiance wanting a relationship with her as well .

Also, what if she is already in a Vee or Triad (or couple, or N/M/W/Z etc.)? Would you or your fiance be open to a relationship with her other partner(s)? Or are you only considering single women? What if she wants to develop a relationship with someone else (not your fiance) after you and she have "established a bond"?

Just some food for thought...in general though, I think it may be limiting to be planning relationship configurations before you've met the person you want to have the relationship with?

Quote:
Originally Posted by GoldSakura View Post
I suppose I'm posting because I wonder if other people have had traumatic or negative experiences with poly early on, and did you have better luck in later relationships, or was it full of let downs?
Our Vee got off to a bit of a rocky start (due to my being a Jackass) - but once we got sorted out, it's been a very positive experience.

Quote:
Originally Posted by GoldSakura View Post
I also wonder who else in or near Denver is poly-minded, but not within the meetups and such due to the drama and social issues people create there?
Not in Denver so I couldn't say and have never been to a Meet-Up. Is it a general feeling that people create "drama and social issues" at "meetups and such" or is that specific to the Denver poly community?

JaneQ
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Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" Vee-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (together 21+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (together 3+ yrs) and MrS's best friend
Lotus: poly bi female, "it's complicated" relationships with Dude/JaneQ/MrS
TT: poly bi male, married to Lotus, FB with JaneQ
VV and MsJ: bi-women with male primaries, LTR LDR FWBs to JaneQ


My poly blogs on this site:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe
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  #3  
Old 11-11-2012, 06:41 PM
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GoldSakura GoldSakura is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JaneQSmythe View Post


I'm assuming it would not actually be "totally up to her" - presumably if she were interested in a triad down the road this would also depend on your fiance wanting a relationship with her as well .

Also, what if she is already in a Vee or Triad (or couple, or N/M/W/Z etc.)? Would you or your fiance be open to a relationship with her other partner(s)? Or are you only considering single women? What if she wants to develop a relationship with someone else (not your fiance) after you and she have "established a bond"?

Just some food for thought...in general though, I think it may be limiting to be planning relationship configurations before you've met the person you want to have the relationship with?


JaneQ
Lol well, I shouldn't say "this is how I want it" because that's not what I really mean. Mainly, I'm just following my feelings. The details are very open to me, and anything is situational, of course. It would be a matter of chemistry, naturally, and whether she was in another relationship is fine with me, so long as it's fine with everyone else involved. I guess my worry is being used by another couple, like I had been years ago (unicorn hunters), and so I don't feel a need to be involved with both. Infact, I fear it.

As for the meetups and drama that goes on... I don't know if it's just the people in my state, but I've seen so much high-school type behavior go on, and I tire of seeing social circles degrade to gossip, lies, and fights. I see poly as infinite love, not constant struggles for 10% of the time being happy. I don't know if I'm explaining myself well, but it's hard to express how I've seen some of the local poly community exploit things (meaning it's hard to find poly friends who view it as I do... most view it as just a huge conquest mission, out to have everyone they can instead of building relationships and bonds).
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Old 11-11-2012, 08:54 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Hi Sakura,
Welcome to our forum.

To find poly people in your area without going through any local organizations, you might try OKCupid, or PolyMatchMaker. Also we have a Dating & Friendships subforum, in case you haven't checked that out already.

As far as the poly relationship I'm in, it was rough during the first several years. But things have smoothed out since then, so I do believe it gets better.

I hope this site will be a helpful and comfortable place for you.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
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