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  #41  
Old 06-12-2009, 02:49 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Originally Posted by Mark1npt View Post
[I][/I[I]Redpepper, I wouldn't consider your situation cheating even though you drive a good distance to see Mono....because your husband knows what your doing....in that other relationship, the other guys wife would have no clue. To me that's a chesting situation.
so what you are saying is, because I don't live with both of them I am cheating??? huh?! yes if anyone didn't know and didn't have a relationship with each other then I would agree but I am unclear why you would think I am cheating...
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  #42  
Old 06-12-2009, 03:34 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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so what you are saying is, because I don't live with both of them I am cheating??? huh?! yes if anyone didn't know and didn't have a relationship with each other then I would agree but I am unclear why you would think I am cheating...

No, it looks like he said the other people are cheating.
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  #43  
Old 06-12-2009, 04:08 PM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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so what you are saying is, because I don't live with both of them I am cheating??? huh?! ..
Mark,
I just talked to Redpepper about this statement she made. She misunderstood your statement and wants you to know she understands what you were saying now. She is a very passionate woman when the idea of cheating comes up. Sorry for the misinterpretation.

Take care my friend
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  #44  
Old 06-12-2009, 04:43 PM
Mark1npt Mark1npt is offline
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Mono, I haven't had time this AM to reply til now. Tell Redpepper not to fret, I guess I didn't state it clearly....I never meant to imply that she was cheating...it's RG's wife's other guy, who's hiding things from his wife while he undertakes this internet affair with RG's wife...if he were to drive a good distance to see RG's wife, without his own wife's knowledge of him doing that...well then, that's cheating. That's not poly and I wouldn't consider RG's wife as poly, only a cheating spouse. I do think you can be poly and not live with either girl (or guy). It's the secrecy, the underhandedness that makes it cheating. From what I can see from this board, real caring, loving poly people don't cheat in their relationships. Keep loving, you two....er, three!
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  #45  
Old 06-12-2009, 10:12 PM
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I'm typing this from my phone. Hope it is working. I'm never quite convinced!

I am totally understanding what you were saying now mark... It was too early for me to read properly obviously
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  #46  
Old 06-13-2009, 11:27 AM
RaleighGuy RaleighGuy is offline
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The distance between us- my wife and I and he other love- is almost 2,000 miles. So he's not going to just drive over for a quick visit. With the cost of gas, and airplane tickets, a trip is pretty major investment, and none of us is rich, although my wife and I are a little better off than her "other" and his wife. I can imagine that he might make a trip, though. Love inspired people to do a lot of things that don't make sense. More worrisome is the possibility that his marriage may come apart.
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  #47  
Old 06-13-2009, 02:58 PM
Mark1npt Mark1npt is offline
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RG...if he's keeping this all from his wife, then his marriage has probably already come apart. If that's the case and he has reconnected with your wife and they have any inkling of getting back together...well then, issues have to be addressed. Even though your wife thinks she wants and can be poly, can he? If he can't and/or you don't want to live in a poly relationship, then more than one family will be hurt. I hope this turns out ok for you RG and that you get treated fairly in all this.
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  #48  
Old 06-15-2009, 08:36 PM
RaleighGuy RaleighGuy is offline
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I asked my wife if she would like to take a trip to visit her other guy. She said she didn't really want to meet him in person, because he might not be the man she imagines him to be. Her "fantasy" guy, based on the man she knew years ago, plus the one she's talked to, is the one she loves, and it might not match up with the "real thing".
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  #49  
Old 06-16-2009, 12:46 PM
cjj23464 cjj23464 is offline
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I guess I have been quietly reading trying to see where my situation fits. My husband just got back from spending a week and a half with his "other". It is not open or honest, because he cannot call me when they are together. In fact, I believe that she is hoping that he will leave me for her. I don't know if he even knows what polyamory is.
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  #50  
Old 06-16-2009, 12:57 PM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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Originally Posted by cjj23464 View Post
It is not open or honest, because he cannot call me when they are together. In fact, I believe that she is hoping that he will leave me for her. I don't know if he even knows what polyamory is.
Simple answer from my perspective - No he doesn't and you have every right to feel hurt and disrespected. The idea of not being "able" to call you is not a good sign that his "other" understands or even wants a polyamorous relationship. He's a grown man..he chooses not to call, no one can stop him. If this is the norm in thier relationship I would consider it to be more an affair situation. I highly recommend all three of you sit down and have a long discussion about expectations and openness between you all.
Hope you are doing well and things change for the better, no matter what that is.
Take care
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