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  #21  
Old 11-07-2012, 11:09 PM
MeeraReed MeeraReed is offline
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Also, monogamous people are allowed to experiment with casual sex when they don't feel ready for a serious relationship (i.e., in college, in your 20s, when you're getting over a breakup, etc). Why can't a poly couple experiment with keeping other partners casual?

I'm also not aware of all these "other resources" for non-poly forms of non-monogamy. I've looked, and all I found were swinger sites.

I'm very bothered by the closing of that thread.
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  #22  
Old 11-08-2012, 12:59 AM
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In that thread, the OP wrote:
Quote:
I wanted to ask couples about their experiences with keeping outside involvements limited only to "sex (f**k) buddies" or "friends with benefits" status only, and not allowing these interactions to progress to relationships (bf/gf, romantic, etc).

Are there any couples out there that maintain these boundaries? What have your experiences been and how did you go about setting up your own set of rules/guidelines?
The above gave me the impression that the OP was negotiating with a partner and this option was one of the things being discussed. So, I assumed the OP was coming here for research and support, to see if such an arrangement was workable or considered reasonable, and to be informed before resuming the negotiations. Of course, we won't know what motivated creating that thread unless the OP comes here and explains, but I did not see it as outside the purview of this site.
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  #23  
Old 11-08-2012, 01:12 AM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
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I'm another that would like an explanation of why the thread was closed. As one of people that replied, I thought we were having a fruitful discussion. I could see moving it to the "fireplace" sub-forum (I don't generally check which sub-forum a post is in since I do my daily reading from the "New Posts" link).

I considered myself poly even when all of my relationships where of the FWB variety (and have one platonic friend that considers herself one of my "poly peeps" even though we have a non-sexual relationship due to the depth of our friendship) - because I was open to these relationships developing in whatever form they needed to. One of these, with MrS, culminated in a marriage 16-years strong and going.

This, I think, ties into the many conversations about "love" that we have here and how poly-type thinking can blur the lines between romantic love, companionate love, etc. Some folks here have "Non-sexual bf/gf" relationships. Lots of us have "more-than" friends, lover-friends, FWBs. The point is that we have loving-"relationships" with these people and are practicing "ethical non-monogamy."

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  #24  
Old 11-08-2012, 01:17 AM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BoringGuy View Post
I am suggesting that "I'm confused" and this thread and the FWB thread all be merged together and allowed to proceed ...
I second the motion (...and if the mods still disagree, I wouldn't be opposed to the combined thread being relocated to the "Fireplace" sub-forum.)

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Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (3+ yrs) and MrS's best friend
Lotus: poly bi female, "it's complicated" relationships with Dude/JaneQ/MrS (1+ years)
TT: poly bi male, married to Lotus, FB with JaneQ
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  #25  
Old 11-08-2012, 02:00 AM
ThatGirlInGray ThatGirlInGray is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CielDuMatin View Post
In the text, the OP specifically said that it was about "keeping outside involvements limited only to "sex (f**k) buddies" or "friends with benefits" status only, and not allowing these interactions to progress to relationships (bf/gf, romantic, etc)."

I took that "not allowing" to mean that it was about restricting any involvement to purely sex and that all romantic interactions, let alone relationships were verboten. So this isn't about people choosing a specific relationship to be suited to a FWB relationship, but that there were restrictions in place than the only thing allowed outside the primary couple was sex.

So based on my (possibly flawed) interpretation of it, I don't think that it is relevant to a poly forum at all
Your interpretation may be correct, but even if it is, isn't this a great place then to hear from a LOT of people how trying to keep a boundary or limitation like that will most likely be impossible? Over and over people here say, for myriad reasons, that you feel what you feel. Emotions can't be controlled. Perhaps the conversation would be a wake-up call, especially if the OP was looking for more "how-to" help. I don't know, but I agree that since there were legitimate responses posted from multiple poly people (I mean geez, how many of us came to poly from FWB or FB situations?? I know I did!) who felt the question worth answering, locking the thread was unwarranted.
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  #26  
Old 11-08-2012, 02:27 AM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ThatGirlInGray View Post
I don't know, but I agree that since there were legitimate responses posted from multiple poly people (I mean geez, how many of us came to poly from FWB or FB situations?? I know I did!) who felt the question worth answering, locking the thread was unwarranted.
And squelching a discussion along those lines is counter-productive. The thread could just as easily have been moved to the Fireplace.
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  #27  
Old 11-08-2012, 02:59 AM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ladyslipper View Post
This thread is an outgrowth of the thread that I would agree, was wrongly shut down. mmfox wanted to discuss friends with benefit arrangements, seems like a totally appropriate discussion for this forum. So, try again?
Nope. If it was off-topic then, it's off-topic now.

Quote:
I think where Autumnal Tone got it wrong was in lumping FWB relationships with swinging.
I did no such thing.

Folks, trolling mods by reposting off-topic threads and bitching about mod decisions on the boards is not a good thing. Please refrain from such.
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  #28  
Old 11-08-2012, 03:27 PM
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ImaginaryIllusion ImaginaryIllusion is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CielDuMatin View Post
[/B]In the text, the OP specifically said that it was about "keeping outside involvements limited only to "sex (f**k) buddies" or "friends with benefits" status only, and not allowing these interactions to progress to relationships (bf/gf, romantic, etc)."

...

So based on my (possibly flawed) interpretation of it, I don't think that it is relevant to a poly forum at all, and tried to steer the poster to a place that they may get better answers about how to restrict a relationship to be sex only.
CdM got it right the first time. The OP's setup of the thread had no relation back to a poly context and was closed as off-topic. We have blended the threads together and placed them in the fireplace which is where off-topic threads go.

Now, if there's people wanting to discuss FWB's which are somehow related to the poly context, (I too started out in such a relationship and still see them frequently in the community) then by all means, those threads are perfectly valid for the General Discussions area, alongside the previous iterations.

A reminder that if a thread get's locked, it's perfectly fine to PM the mods and ask the question as to why, or even use the report post feature to do so (although not really it's intended purpose). However, reposting the same content over again is just liable to run you afoul of whatever had the original thread locked to begin with. Usually when threads are locked, it's to give things time to cool while the Mods are discussion what actions to take on a particular thread.

Thread is now unlocked.
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  #29  
Old 11-08-2012, 05:53 PM
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SourGirl SourGirl is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BoringGuy View Post
And squelching a discussion along those lines is counter-productive. The thread could just as easily have been moved to the Fireplace.
Agreed.

..and so it happened. Thanks mods. A lot of mods would of stuck to their guns.

I think it's important to note, that the mods need to do what feels right to them, but in that same context, even with the 'threat' about consequences regarding 'a new thread up about the closed topic',...it's still important for the regular people to be able to openly comment. As long as it is in a productive way, as this was clearly the case.

Things were resolved,..openly. Woot.

That's even better then a PM.
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  #30  
Old 11-08-2012, 06:06 PM
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Well, I hope the OP comes back to read the responses and clarify what it is they are looking for so we can get back onto the topic and answer questions for them.
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