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  #11  
Old 07-13-2010, 05:01 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by immaterial View Post

I think the suggestions to "just ask" are utterly insane! Every interaction between a man and a woman is inherently dishonest and based on a game. Surely, this "communication" thing is a trick, just another way for people to gain the upper hand in the mating dance? :-)

Immaterial
This is exactly why the question should be asked because I would not want to become too deeply involved with someone who thinks like this.

Approaching people with the assumption that they are being "inherently dishonest"? Pfeh.

At least my lack of faith in people goes beyond "gaining the upper hand in the mating dance".

Last edited by NeonKaos; 07-13-2010 at 05:05 PM.
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  #12  
Old 07-13-2010, 05:06 PM
TruckerPete TruckerPete is offline
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Originally Posted by YGirl View Post
This is exactly why the question should be asked because I would not want to become too deeply involved with someone who thinks like this.
+1
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  #13  
Old 07-13-2010, 05:08 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Originally Posted by TruckerPete View Post
+1

Just +1?

I thought it would be worth at least +6.
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  #14  
Old 07-13-2010, 05:17 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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ok I will say, I don't mind the "game" or the "hunt"...honestly it can be fun. But there are points when clarity is needed. Just milestones that stop that random "what the hell is actually happening here"...those should never be part of the game and communication should be clear and concise.

"yes, we are dating, now lets play"
"yes, this is serious, lets talk"
"yes, I love you..."

I have been in a "thing" where key points weren't discussed and the assumptions, anxiety and missed opportunity was horrible. I will never let that happen again.

Quote:
I think the suggestions to "just ask" are utterly insane! Every interaction between a man and a woman is inherently dishonest and based on a game. Surely, this "communication" thing is a trick, just another way for people to gain the upper hand in the mating dance? :-)
Is it safe to assume this is sarcasm?...or do you really believe this?

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Originally Posted by YGirl View Post
Just +1?

I thought it would be worth at least +6.
I am big enough to count for 2...so I can make it plus 3.

Last edited by NeonKaos; 07-13-2010 at 05:19 PM. Reason: merge posts
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  #15  
Old 07-13-2010, 05:28 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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My husband said to me after the second or third time we spent together "Would you rather be called "girlfriend" or "multi-fuck"?"

yes, some people would find this question tacky or insulting, but I appreciated that he bothered to ask it. I am not offended by the use of the words "girl" or "fuck" in this context. there was no "mating game", "inherent dishonesty" or "gaining the upper hand" involved AT ALL.
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  #16  
Old 07-13-2010, 05:58 PM
TruckerPete TruckerPete is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by YGirl View Post
Just +1?

I thought it would be worth at least +6.
I'm new. I was being nice to someone I strongly disagreed with and treading cautiously when expressing my enthusiasm. For the record, I will give as many plusses as allowed.

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Originally Posted by Ariakas View Post
Is it safe to assume this is sarcasm?...or do you really believe this?
Alas, I don't think so, judging from the tone of the rest of the post and immaterial's own admission that his bondings have ended in catastrophe.
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  #17  
Old 07-13-2010, 06:03 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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don't worry about being new ...put your opinions out there and table them. I think most of us here like healthy opinions as long as you don't mind debate
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  #18  
Old 07-13-2010, 06:46 PM
immaterial immaterial is offline
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I was joking. That's why I put one of those silly ":-)" things after the statement. Which reminds me of a joke I heard recently: "How many polyamorists does it take to change a light bulb?" "That's NOT FUNNY!" :-) :-) :-) :-) :-)

Immaterial

Last edited by immaterial; 07-13-2010 at 06:49 PM.
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  #19  
Old 07-13-2010, 06:59 PM
marksbabygirl marksbabygirl is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ariakas View Post
ok I will say, I don't mind the "game" or the "hunt"...honestly it can be fun. But there are points when clarity is needed. Just milestones that stop that random "what the hell is actually happening here"...those should never be part of the game and communication should be clear and concise.
But the question for me - is how to know WHEN those points should be clarified. Its a fine line and balance that *I* don't quite get yet.

My relationship with my husband went from boss to lover to living together in the space of 3 weeks. 4 weeks after that - we uprooted our lives and moved to a new town.

So for ME - knowing when to ask those questions - or tell the person that "hey - I like you and want to explore something further" but not feel like I'm going to get trampled on.
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  #20  
Old 07-13-2010, 07:08 PM
immaterial immaterial is offline
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In all sincerity, no smiley face, I totally hear what you are saying, TruckerPete. I too was raised in a confusing family where feelings were rarely if ever discussed and where one never knew with any clarity precisely where one stood. It was maddening. I have re-enacted this confusion over and over again in relationship. I feel like I do a lot of interpreting. It's co-dependent and unhealthy. And it is precisely because of dishonesty, lack of communication skills and lack of fundamental trust that all of my former pairings came to a bad end. The essential dishonesty for me actually starts very early in the implicit or explicit claim to being monogamous, which I have never actually wanted to be. I have lied about it in order to be in a continued relationship, assuming that the other person would find my poly/non-monogamy unacceptable. How's that for dysfunction?

If you read my blog on here you see I am an open book. Honesty first, now. That's my rule. If another person wants the game in all its glory, she can easily find it elsewhere. I'm done. Game over.

Immaterial
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