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  #61  
Old 09-03-2010, 05:38 PM
marksbabygirl marksbabygirl is offline
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Default Paradigm shifts in thinking

I read through a couple of threads... was totally unproductive at work yesterday... and had a couple paradigm shifts in my head.

Basically my thinking has changed from restricting what they can do in order to protect US... to doing what I can to support and strengthen US in order to allow them to grow and get closer without it being a threat to US.

Its a huge shift/change for me. I was all about the rules. Now I want to focus on what I'm doing in MY relationship to strengthen and support it rather than putting brakes on what THEY do... although there is some things I'm still not comfortable with - it is less about them and more about us now

Yah I don't know if this actually makes sense to anyone but me... however I feel much lighter and more relaxed.

Good day for me yesterday. End of day had me at a friend's house for coffee explaining poly to her - and when I got home Wellington was cranky with me for being out... It came down to communication - he didn't communicate with me that he wanted/needed me home and it created issues... but we worked it out.
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  #62  
Old 09-03-2010, 06:26 PM
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Originally Posted by marksbabygirl View Post
Basically my thinking has changed from restricting what they can do in order to protect US... to doing what I can to support and strengthen US in order to allow them to grow and get closer without it being a threat to US.
you're getting it! I totally get this. Its amazing the depth and connection that follows. Just when you think you can't possibly connect any deeper with a partner and then poly comes along. Of course it takes a bit to get to that part, but sticking with it can yield some incredible results.

good for you!
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  #63  
Old 09-04-2010, 01:01 AM
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Originally Posted by marksbabygirl View Post
Basically my thinking has changed from restricting what they can do in order to protect US... to doing what I can to support and strengthen US in order to allow them to grow and get closer without it being a threat to US.

Its a huge shift/change for me. I was all about the rules. Now I want to focus on what I'm doing in MY relationship to strengthen and support it rather than putting brakes on what THEY do... although there is some things I'm still not comfortable with - it is less about them and more about us now
You're catching on! Good for you!
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  #64  
Old 09-04-2010, 05:24 PM
marksbabygirl marksbabygirl is offline
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It has totally changed my outlook - makes it easier to get over the speed bumps that crop up

It has also let me move forward faster - although there's still things I'm not comfortable with...
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  #65  
Old 09-05-2010, 08:09 AM
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Seems to be the week for breakthroughs!!! Happy for you!!
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  #66  
Old 09-05-2010, 12:34 PM
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I dont know how you manage all this, MBG. Full time job, partially disabled husband, 4 kids, and still time/energy for poly partners and kink play? How old are your kids?
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  #67  
Old 09-05-2010, 05:16 PM
marksbabygirl marksbabygirl is offline
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I dont know how you manage all this, MBG. Full time job, partially disabled husband, 4 kids, and still time/energy for poly partners and kink play? How old are your kids?
Kink play keeps me sane.

Kids are 20, 18, 10.5 & 9. Older two are on their own - my 18 year old is on Fetlife....

Hubby is fantastic at running the house - we live with more mess than we'd like - but its a trade-off

As I said to a co-worker (we were talking about the # of courses I take for work-related stuff) I just don't sleep

I don't currently have poly partners... or even one - but I look at it as friendships - there's just going to be sex involved

I have friendships that I have been VERY involved in their lives - its just a balancing act.

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  #68  
Old 09-07-2010, 07:23 AM
marksbabygirl marksbabygirl is offline
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I used to be strong.

I used to be confident.

I used to be able to walk through my life, knowing what needed to be done, how to do it and who to delegate if I couldn't.

I built that strength, that confidence on a very shaky foundation. For many years, if I couldn't deal with something - either the other party was unwilling or it simply hurt too bad - I would stuff it. I built a solid-ish block of "not-feeling" on which I drew my strength. Look at me, life throws me curveballs, and while it may not be a home run, I don't strike out.

So I build this foundation on shaky ground, with shoddy materials, and then one day, we do something that blows apart my foundation.

And all of a sudden, I'm not able/allowed to continue to stuff my feelings - let's talk. Lets work through the problems, lets communicate in a way that is healthy and honest and holy fuck I'm so sick of crying.

I don't know what to build my foundation out of. Every time I try to put up walls - there he is, telling me to breathe, to let it out, to just BE... and I don't know how to do this.

I'm great at listening to other peoples problems. I'm not the fair weather friend - I'm the bad weather friend. The one who can always be counted on in a crisis. I do well with a crisis. Then put me in day to day life... ugh.

I don't want to deal with this. I don't want to FEEL like this. I feel broken inside and I don't know how to find my strength again. But I know that if I find it, if I can heal, if I can fix the brokenness - I'll be stronger in the end.

But I'm sick of crying. Who knew I had stuffed everything so effectively for so long... and now its there.

I am grateful that he's there. That he's walking this journey with me. This part is particularly painful - but without it - I would continue to do what I've always done.

There's a saying - "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results"

I'm done being insane. I just wish I could stop crying.
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  #69  
Old 09-08-2010, 04:37 PM
marksbabygirl marksbabygirl is offline
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Its a leap of faith.

Trust, that is.

Just close my eyes, fall back and have faith that he will be there to catch me. He always has. We've had some issues. We've had some difficulties. But in the end - he's always been there for me.

I just need to close my eyes, take a deep breath, and believe.
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  #70  
Old 09-08-2010, 05:29 PM
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ImaginaryIllusion ImaginaryIllusion is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by marksbabygirl View Post
Its a leap of faith.

Trust, that is.

Just close my eyes, fall back and have faith that he will be there to catch me. He always has. We've had some issues. We've had some difficulties. But in the end - he's always been there for me.

I just need to close my eyes, take a deep breath, and believe.
Yes....yes it is. Well put...Thanks...I think I'll send to my gf.
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