Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Life stories and blogs

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #31  
Old 08-22-2010, 04:45 PM
marksbabygirl marksbabygirl is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Squamish, BC
Posts: 790
Default

I meant to relate a story of something that happened on Thursday night.

I was catching a ride from work to home with a friend so my usual ride left without me. She was running late - so I arranged to meet Ari for a drink before she got there.

I get my co-workers to drive me over.

We pull in - and they ask me who I'm meeting - I tell them and they jokingly say "ohhhhh stepping out on your husband eh?"

I say "No, actually my husband is sleeping with his wife"

WHAT??!?!?!?

I clarify - "Well actually they're not sleeping together yet - but they are seeing each other"

OMG.... I laughed SO hard when I got out of the car... it was FUN

There's a saying "Don't scare the vanilla's" Well, I couldn't help but scare them, just a little
__________________
Some believe in destiny, and some believe in fate
I believe that happiness is something we create


My Journey to Health and Fitness
My Journey as a Widow

Jane
Reply With Quote
  #32  
Old 08-22-2010, 05:08 PM
Magdlyn's Avatar
Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Metro West Massachusetts
Posts: 3,763
Default

"Comfort the disturbed
Disturb the comfortable"

That's my motto!
__________________
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

me: Mags, 59, living with:
miss pixi, 37
Reply With Quote
  #33  
Old 08-22-2010, 05:15 PM
marksbabygirl marksbabygirl is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Squamish, BC
Posts: 790
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
"Comfort the disturbed
Disturb the comfortable"
*snicker*

I LOVE IT!!!
__________________
Some believe in destiny, and some believe in fate
I believe that happiness is something we create


My Journey to Health and Fitness
My Journey as a Widow

Jane
Reply With Quote
  #34  
Old 08-22-2010, 05:32 PM
Majikdancer's Avatar
Majikdancer Majikdancer is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 23
Smile

[QUOTE=Magdlyn;41233]"Comfort the disturbed
Disturb the comfortable"

I love that. Who said it? Can I use it?
__________________
Jealousy, that dragon which slays love under the pretence of keeping it alive. -Havelock Ellis
Reply With Quote
  #35  
Old 08-22-2010, 10:33 PM
Mohegan's Avatar
Mohegan Mohegan is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 756
Default

Karma and I get great pleasure from taking people out their box. It's a favored past time of ours. I love watching faces as they put the pieces together.
Reply With Quote
  #36  
Old 08-23-2010, 12:01 PM
Magdlyn's Avatar
Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Metro West Massachusetts
Posts: 3,763
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Majikdancer View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
"Comfort the disturbed
Disturb the comfortable"
I love that. Who said it? Can I use it?
I didnt know who said it, and had to look it up. It was the title of a 1997 book. A version first appeared 100 yrs ago, in a newspaper article, as, "comfort the afflicted, afflict the comfortable."

I guess it's up for grabs! Go for it.
__________________
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

me: Mags, 59, living with:
miss pixi, 37
Reply With Quote
  #37  
Old 08-23-2010, 04:36 PM
marksbabygirl marksbabygirl is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Squamish, BC
Posts: 790
Default

My dog escaped our yard last night sometime between 1am and 6.30am.

We had put him out for his evening - and then he went after a skunk. Skunk vs dog - skunk wins every time.

It was late, so the decision was made to leave him out for the evening.

I got a phone call at 6.30am by my neighbour - he had escaped.

W went and got him and came back MAD. That's it, he's DONE with the damn dog escaping and doing stuff (that dogs do) and seriously contemplating re-homing him.

And that's when I realized where a major source of my stress comes from.

I told him I needed him to NOT threaten to get rid of the dog every time the dog does something annoyingly dog-like. The dog can't help it. He is just behaving the way he is supposed to. He can't control his instincts.

For a long time in our marriage, we were really volatile. The word divorce was yelled by both parties - the very real threat of ending it because the other was pissed off and didn't want to deal with the behaviour, attitude, fighting, whathaveyou anymore. It stopped 2 years ago when he broke me.

We had been building an amazing wonderful D/s relationship and he threw that word at me again. I had opened myself up to him in ways that I didn't realize I could - and then he threatened to leave me once again.

At that point I told him that if the word was thrown out there - he/I had better be prepared for it - because *I* would make it happen. End of story. My children are not going to grow up wondering if their parents are going to work through shit or if they're going to seperate or what.

We have done a lot of work on our relationship and ourselves in the past 2 years. Regardless of the volatility of our relationship - we always came back together and closer each time. We both brought baggage and issues to our marriage - but the last two years have been awesome/amazing.

Since W started seeing Pengrah, I have lost my mind. I don't know how to handle these emotions (although I'm getting much better) and there have been a LOT of drama/stress filled days and aside from this weekend - not much contentment and peace.

I have been getting amazing support from people on here, from other sites, and from W. But I can't help but freak out... what if I piss him off enough with dealing with this that he's *done* and wants to get rid of the problem?

I realized, with that - that I had been doing the same to him - more than a few times I'd asked him... what if I can't handle it and I ask you to end it? He kept re-assuring me that he would - but I realized that its not what *I* want. I enjoy (when I'm not totally insane about it) the smiles and giggles and great energy he gets from talking to Pengrah. I enjoy his connection with her - because the energy spills over to me. We've had a PHENOMENAL connection when I'm not fucking it up and losing my mind. But my emotions have been out of control because I feel like no one will ever want me.

Everyone I have met recently that I have been interested in has either been NOT interested in me - or interested in my husband only.

I work full time. I put priority on family time. I have other things that I need/want to do as well... when the fuck am I going to have time to date?

So I, in my own insecurity about me and my abilities to attract a potential partner - have threatened his blossoming relationship - and that's not fair to him OR her.

Some very good things have come out of the past weekend. We're both on board that we don't want casual relationships - friendships, yes, but for both of us, we're the long term sort, and sex is kinda tied up in that.

Its been said on these boards a number of times - go at the pace of the person having the most difficulty. So with great trepidation - I made some requests that will slow things down on their end. I feel *somewhat* bad about it - but really - I know my husband would end it if I asked - and if Pengrah isn't ok with the slow down - that tells me that she wouldn't respect our relationship (and as an aside - I totally think she'll be on board with it - she's a very lovely woman) but I need things to slow down. I need there to be some boundaries and *rules* until *I* am comfortable - they need to be there. I don't want/can't have a repeat of last week. I need the rollercoaster to stop.

Its getting better. Made it through the weekend with minimal stress. Most of it manifests itself in panick attacks and upset tummy - but that's been going away quickly.

Its an interesting journey - and one I am still glad I'm on - I just hate the rollercoaster...
__________________
Some believe in destiny, and some believe in fate
I believe that happiness is something we create


My Journey to Health and Fitness
My Journey as a Widow

Jane

Last edited by marksbabygirl; 08-23-2010 at 06:55 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #38  
Old 08-23-2010, 07:41 PM
Wellington Wellington is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 11
Default

Thanks for posting all of this. I think that you are very brave for doing so. I can understand your trepidation regarding my being "done" with the dog and how that might translate to you. I will work on making my venting a little less spontaneous and a whole lot more thoughtful. I'll try, lol. Darn red headedness anyways I am here for you always, my love. I will keep reminding you of that everyday of my life. I am sorry that you are having so much difficulty, I love you and I will keep reminding you of that everyday of my life as well. I am not going anywhere. Sorry, Babygirl, you're stuck with me
Reply With Quote
  #39  
Old 08-24-2010, 09:08 AM
Mohegan's Avatar
Mohegan Mohegan is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 756
Default

Karma and I went through a very recent bout of, "what if you get sick of waiting and leave?" It was honestly what helped me finaly say, okay we can start moving forward again. He's been so understanding and supportive. Even when I had no clue why I was upset. I still don't know why. But I realized as I looked back at the last 8 yrs, he could have had a much easier go at life had he left, and he didn't. So why would he leave when I am trying to give him what he wants and needs?

I'd suggest taking a deep breath, try hard not to dwell (I drove myself into a nasty depression doing that), Keep talking. I'm I sounded like a broken record to Karma, but I kept trying to say the same thing a different way until he got it.

And (not saying he doesn't,not saying he does) there comes a time when you have to leave it for your spouse to prove. Karma doing what he said he was going to do, made a HUGE difference in how I responded to things and how quickly I came around. I dwell on things for years. But having the trust in knowing he heard me, acknowledged my needs and is now doing what I asked made all the difference.

Good luck, and maybe the dog ran away for a "reason". I love finding those things placed in our path that gives us that "Ah ha" moment.
Reply With Quote
  #40  
Old 08-24-2010, 02:16 PM
marksbabygirl marksbabygirl is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Squamish, BC
Posts: 790
Default

Yanno when you lance a boil... and everything that comes out is disgusting and toxic and awful? But then its able to heal?

That's how it feels every time I have one of my *moments* All the toxicity, all the poison, is able to come out - the protective cover that allows it to fester has been removed - and then I'm able to heal.

I am so very grateful that he supports me in that - but I am so very sorry about what it costs him.

We are heading in a good direction - I just need to heal more.
__________________
Some believe in destiny, and some believe in fate
I believe that happiness is something we create


My Journey to Health and Fitness
My Journey as a Widow

Jane
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 09:25 AM.