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Old 07-06-2010, 05:57 PM
eskimo eskimo is offline
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Thorold, On
Posts: 29
Default Hello, new to the site and not sure about polyamoury

Hi everyone,
My wife & I have always shared progressive views of relationships, and had an open relationship for many years, but the idea of polyamoury is new to me.

We've been together for 9 years, married for almost 3. We first started out like a traditional couple. After about 2 years of being with just each other we talked about swinging and decided that we were OK with that, and have had an open relationship ever since.

We both tried casual sex with people we barely knew, and had no jelousy issues, but the one of us that was doing it was never really excited by it, so for the past few years, we've kept to ourselves sexually, not really being sure where to go, just knowing that we didn't have to be monogamous to be happy, but not really wanting to be with other partners either.

About six months ago, I met a woman at a bar, who knew that I was married, but still seemed intersted in pursuing a relationship with me, and I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to just jump into bed with this girl, but I did like her and wanted to explore a relationship to see what would come of it.

I didn't know how to proceed and ended up doing nothing. The idea of dating another woman seemed dangerous. I knew Sara would be OK with me having a one night stand, but one night stands don't do anything for me. If I was going to be with this person (and I wanted to find out if there was any potential there), then I would have asked her out on a date, but I was worried about getting into the territory of emotional connections and what might happen to my marriage if I fell in love with this other person.

Recently my wife started learning about polyamourous relationships, and has been getting more and more interested. She recently told me that if we met someone who we both loved she'd be fine with adding a third person to our marriage.

Polyamoury seems like a good thing to me, but it scares me at the same time, I'm hoping some with more experience can tell me what it was like for you when you first started in this kind of lifestyle.

How did it start? What are some of the dangers to be careful of? When you meet someone who you'd like to explore the possibility of a relationship with, how do you go about starting it? Is it dating, the same way that I remember it back when I was single?

When you meet someone who you'd like to date in the general population (who you have no idea whether or not they'd be open to a polyamourous relationship), what do you do? Does that change depending on whether or not they're in a relationship?

Anyways, thank you to all.
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Old 07-06-2010, 10:41 PM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Kansas City Metro
Posts: 2,187

Welcome aboard.

You'll find discussion of many of your questions in existing threads.
When speaking of various forms of non-monogamy...it ain't poly if you're just fucking around.

While polyamory, open relationships, and swinging are all distinctly different approaches to non-monogamy, they are not mutually exlusive. Folks can, and some do, engage in more than one of them at a time--and it's all good.
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Old 07-07-2010, 06:24 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 2,872

Welcome aboard

Look around lots of discussions, you may want to ensure your partner is comfortable with you loving other people. Casual sex and swinging are sometimes easier to process than a competing relationship
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Old 07-12-2010, 08:06 AM
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sage sage is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 633

Hi and welcome

Just take baby steps because you can never know how something will feel until you do it or more to the point until your partner does it. I don't know about meeting poly people because my partner came with S0 already attached. But I would start with a date just as any relationship starts and then when you find someone you like introduce them to your wife and take it from there.
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