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  #51  
Old 09-27-2010, 08:02 AM
FormerUnicorn FormerUnicorn is offline
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Busy AND awesome in Unicorn Land... I like that!

Actually, we had a windstorm that had our power out from sometime Friday til near midnight on Saturday. It was dark and crazy, and so Mr. Unicorn and I spent Friday night over at Married Phone Guy's house, watching Robin Williams and telling stories.

Saturday I met back up with MPG alone for breakfast. He's very different from my usual fare, but we had a very nice, quiet, happy time. Then back to Mr. Unicorn for an awesome 10 hour D&D session and lots of happy, snuggly, chatty cool down afterward, which was exactly what he and I needed to reconnect.

And then Sunday. I spent all day in Anchorage, stopping first at Griffin's house where I snuggled first with my friend Kiwi and then caught Griffin still asleep in bed. He smelled like a bonfire, and when he finally woke up (no doubt due to my chilly hands and feet) I got to catch up with him for an hour or so before heading out to spend the day with Zen. My time with him was surprising and awesome, and I hope we can find time to do it again soon.

Tomorrow is coffee with Lamnidae, and I'm really excited!
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  #52  
Old 09-29-2010, 12:02 AM
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lamnidae lamnidae is offline
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I'm excited for coffee too!!!
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  #53  
Old 09-29-2010, 03:45 AM
FormerUnicorn FormerUnicorn is offline
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Things are going well between Mr. Unicorn and I. We're perhaps a little low on sleep, and a little low on quality time together, but we're still working out the details of how everything is working at home when we're both making the hour commute together. Thankfully the us time in the car and the potential of two drivers makes the drive very nice. Of course, the beautiful snow dusted mountains and glacier carved valleys of Alaska sure don't hurt.

When I visited Zen on Sunday he changed several burned out lights in my car, and honestly out of everything that happened that could have possibly been contentious, this was the one thing I was worried that Mr. Unicorn would be upset about. He was, in fact, extremely relieved that it was taken care of, and nothing else was a problem at all.

Zen... surprises me. Often and delightfully. It's hard to wrap my mind around, and we still have a little bit to go before we're on the same page, but things are going well.

I heard from Ulysses today, and he's having a good trip. Honestly, I've been surprised to hear from him, but pleasantly so. Spending time with Zen has been gradually sorting out my feelings for Ulysses, and I appreciate the clarity.

MPG and I are still texting. I think he's really relieved to have someone to talk to about everything. I'm glad I can be an ear for him.

Off to coffee with Lamnidae!
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  #54  
Old 09-29-2010, 10:53 PM
marksbabygirl marksbabygirl is offline
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Sounds like life is very busy and full and fun.

I'm glad for you - still wish you were closer but I'm glad nonetheless
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  #55  
Old 10-02-2010, 09:25 AM
FormerUnicorn FormerUnicorn is offline
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My coworker said to me today, "I love listening to you talk because you live a very happy life."

It hasn't always been the case, but lately? Absolutely.

So lets see, I've been out of the house for a while so there's a lot to catch up on. It's late, so I'll probably ramble on. But it will be fun, so here we go:

Lamnidae and I had a lovely time at the coffee shop on Tuesday. She's absolutely beautiful, and such a joy to talk with. It was very nice to have someone understanding to talk to, and I'm very glad to be able to offer her support as well. She's just down the road too! I can't wait to see her again, and I hope this is the beginning of a good friendship!

Mr Unicorn has finally joined the forums, though who knows if he'll ever post! We have had an incredibly good week together, full of connection and laughter. We were chasing rainbows this afternoon in the car, and the whole situation reminded me that there's absolutely no one else in the world who takes such delight in my silliness. I absolutely adore him!

MBG surprised me this afternoon with a flurry of awesome texts that made me grin like a fiend. Not leave the house indeed. *scoff*

I came home Tuesday night to a very heartwarming e-mail from Zen, who said he finally read this blog and that it made him feel much more comfortable with the whole situation. There were a number of things said that really touched me, and it made me cry. The thing that I appreciated the most was that he made sure to point out that he thinks the dedication to open communication that I have with Mr. Unicorn is very healthy. I thought that observation spoke volumes about his character, and it just adds to the growing list of things I like about him.

Zen lives over an hour away, in the town we're commuting to. He's scheduled to work for nearly two weeks straight, so there was no chance of seeing him this weekend. In order to get some time in with him, it was decided that I should spend the night on Thursday for convenience's sake. I'd never spent a night away from Mr Unicorn before. Our bedtime rituals of reconnection and love and then listening to him fall asleep is my favorite part of my day. Spending the night away felt like a big step, bigger than anything else I've done so far. I don't regret it.

Zen was tired, but amazingly considerate and attentive all evening. I love making him laugh, because he's so serene most of the time, and his eyes just crinkle with mirth. He's nearly a foot taller than I am and his lashes are so long that his eyes look really dark when we're just standing around. I'm always so startled when I'm face to face with him and I see that they're such a very clear blue.

He watches me intently, and I'm not sure I've ever felt such a desire to observe in a person before. Often when I say something that surprises him, he'll stop and turn his head just so as he thinks about it for a moment, fitting it into his worldview. Often he'll repeat it back to me in his own words, asking if he's gotten it right, and it's clear that he's understood the deeper meaning behind my simple statements. It makes him a very good conversationalist, and a phenomenal listener.

There's something about him that's been healing hurts I didn't know I'd been living with. Things I thought were okay that have just been blossoming under his attention. I feel more relaxed, happier, and even safer. I feel championed by him, protected, cared for, and cherished in a very uncommon way. He expresses so much through his actions and I find it so beautiful to watch. I feel so privileged to be able to get to know him.

NRE, anyone?
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  #56  
Old 10-10-2010, 10:46 AM
FormerUnicorn FormerUnicorn is offline
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This week has been a huge lesson in the value of friendship.

This past weekend was the first weekend in months that I have been home both days, with no reason to leave the house. We had a coworker/friend of Mr. Unicorn's over on Saturday, and I had a great time getting to know her.

There was a small blip of unhappiness as another friend of mine (Pearl) said something very unnecessary to me on the phone. I refused to rise to her challenge and politely ended the conversation, but it really sat badly with me. There has been a current of discontent for years now, but she's the wife of one of Mr Unicorn's childhood friends, so cutting her out of my life isn't an option for me. It doesn't help that I have been friends with Pearl's husband since before they met. I feel like I have tried very hard to be her friend, but whenever I call her I feel stonewalled, as she always tells me she has no available time this week, or this weekend, and next week is out also. Recently there's been a sense that she's been ignoring me during big social gatherings. I'm tired of waiting on half-built bridges, and I decided I was done feeling obligated to attend her events and done feeling guilty about not wanting to participate in things that I really have no interest in.

That brief phone call rankled, but the rest of the weekend was still relaxing. On Monday, things started to go downhill. After work Mr. Unicorn and I were not communicating very well--and we knew it--and we worked very hard on getting to a place where we weren't crabbing at one another.

In addition, there was an e-mail from Pearl waiting for me, full of "we need to talks" and "I don't know what's wrong with yous" and "is it because you hate our other friend?" that showed that once again our relationship was really all about her. I sent her an e-mail explaining that I was sorry, but I was not able to discuss things with her at this time, and I did not know when I would be.

Tuesday morning Mr. Unicorn and I finally got things straightened out between us, and I was feeling really great, but by the afternoon things had really started to fall apart for me. I generally have a very happy outlook, but when I crash, I crash hard. The stressors in my life all pushed to the forefront at once, and I was left feeling overwhelmed and helpless. I really needed some support, someone to tell me everything was going to be okay. I sent a few texts out, hoping for some kind words, and I ended up finding it from a surprising quarter: Maca.

My need for support was so great that when I got his text offering to drop by my work for a few minutes... I nearly wept with relief. The fact that this man I had never met was willing to carve some time out of his busy day to show up for someone he'd only exchanged a handful of texts with, just so that I'd be able to feel better--that touched me on a very deep level. I tried to beg off, but he insisted, and he was right. A hug and a sympathetic ear was exactly what I needed.

The whole thing made me realize how isolated I've kept myself. How close I hold my cards. Even now when I'm exploring and meeting new people, how very little I've been sharing of myself. And that it really is a choice I need to make.

That evening when I got home, I got in touch with Lamnidae and let her know I could really use some time together to just chat. She invited me over, and I had a great time venting and listening and just getting to know another woman again.

I have a coworker who is becoming a good friend as well. It's happening slowly but surely, and I'm quite glad of it. She's been an excellent outlet for all the poly talk. She thinks it's interesting and crazy and terribly romantic, though it would never be something she'd do. I love her perspective and gentleness. She's in her early forties and I truly appreciate her experience.

Wednesday night Mr. Unicorn and I went to meet with some college friends of his (who are also friends with one of my other friends) whom I had never met before. It was awesome finally meeting these two that I've heard so much about for so many years! They're a poly couple as well, and Mr. Unicorn had been looking forward to talking about it with them, but it happened that we all had so much in common that we ended up talking about all sorts of other things and barely brought up the topic at all! They were a fun pair. She is intense and creative and random, and he is super sweet and thoughtful and silly. We paired off in different combinations all through the evening, and stayed far later than we probably should have. I hope we get to see them again soon, because I really enjoyed myself!

Another Thursday with Zen was a lot of fun! It's been interesting getting to know him better. I was happy to see him laughing so much, and gratified that we had some serious conversation as well. I gather he'd had a rough week at work. Well, eleven days on will do that to you. I'm glad I could be there help kick off his four day weekend in style.

Friday I had lunch with Maca and we just talked about how our lives are going. It's been interesting getting to know him.

My life continued to just go, as during lunch Mr. Unicorn called and said Pearl had called him that morning and bitched about me for twenty minutes. Mr. Unicorn, being the nice guy he is, lent his ear and later came to the conclusion that she's trying to impress her value system on me, and it obviously isn't working very well for either of us.

Friday ended awkwardly, as I was sort of shoehorned into dinner at an expensive Italian restaurant with Pearl and her husband, Mr. Unicorn, and the other friend who Pearl was asking if I hated. Dinner was civil and downright funny at times, and I tried to be as neutral as possible, but it's clear that Pearl is ready to reconcile and doesn't understand that I need more time. We set a lunch date for Tuesday to just go talk, but then she made some awkward ploy to get me to go shoe shopping with her and our other friend after dinner. I had to politely turn her down, as to be honest it sounded like a recipe for disaster.

Saturday morning Mr. Unicorn was full of bouncy, nervous, excited energy about the day's D&D session he was preparing for and I just needed a break in order for me to find my own excitement. I had wanted a relaxing morning and it was clear I wasn't going to get it. Maca invited me over for a cup of coffee and I got to meet LR and GG and Sour Pea, who was an adorable ball of energy, all in a whirlwind 40 minutes. All the excellent chaos was exactly the sort of distraction I needed, and I came home feeling refreshed and excited about the day's game, which ended up being a lot of fun.

All of this is a big change from my previous routine of "I stay home with Mr Unicorn and do nothing" and things between the two of us have been very good because we're appreciating the time we have together much more.

I feel more balanced, more myself, and I am beginning to realize I can't feel that way without the support of others. It's scary, but it feels so, so good.

Last edited by FormerUnicorn; 10-10-2010 at 10:51 AM.
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  #57  
Old 10-10-2010, 12:40 PM
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Breathesgirl Breathesgirl is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FormerUnicorn View Post
Saturday morning Mr. Unicorn was full of bouncy, nervous, excited energy about the day's D&D session he was preparing for and I just needed a break in order for me to find my own excitement. I had wanted a relaxing morning and it was clear I wasn't going to get it. Maca invited me over for a cup of coffee and I got to meet LR and GG and Sour Pea, who was an adorable ball of energy, all in a whirlwind 40 minutes. All the excellent chaos was exactly the sort of distraction I needed, and I came home feeling refreshed and excited about the day's game, which ended up being a lot of fun.

All of this is a big change from my previous routine of "I stay home with Mr Unicorn and do nothing" and things between the two of us have been very good because we're appreciating the time we have together much more.

I feel more balanced, more myself, and I am beginning to realize I can't feel that way without the support of others. It's scary, but it feels so, so good.
It sounds like a busy & self-informative week

The bolded portion really hits home with me . That's how we usually are--stay home, cuddle, watch a movie. Yesterday totally wasn't like that! We were both busy with our own thing. Today is the family Thanksgiving dinner & then Breathes and I will reconnect tonight.

It is scary getting out there in the big, wide world but once we do the rewards are so very worth it.
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Old 10-10-2010, 04:06 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FormerUnicorn View Post
I feel more balanced, more myself, and I am beginning to realize I can't feel that way without the support of others. It's scary, but it feels so, so good.
High Five!!
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  #59  
Old 10-10-2010, 08:48 PM
FormerUnicorn FormerUnicorn is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Breathesgirl View Post
It sounds like a busy & self-informative week
That's a very good way to put it, it has been a self-informative week. I feel like I learned so much about many things. There were definitely growing pains, but I feel better equipped to seek my own happiness and support the endeavors of others to seek their own.

Quote:
The bolded portion really hits home with me . That's how we usually are--stay home, cuddle, watch a movie. Yesterday totally wasn't like that! We were both busy with our own thing. Today is the family Thanksgiving dinner & then Breathes and I will reconnect tonight.
Happy Thanksgiving!

It's taking some practice for us to reconnect well after some time apart, but it is very, very excellent. We're so much more mindful of our relationship and one another now. I am so happy with the changes, and I look forward to growing closer as time goes on.
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  #60  
Old 10-13-2010, 05:42 AM
FormerUnicorn FormerUnicorn is offline
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I am kind of numb.

Today was emotionally exhausting. Pearl and I had a lunch date to discuss what had become of our friendship. I was expecting some terse discussion about where we had been failing one another, but I was not prepared for a half hour of her lambasting me, my husband, my values, the way I live my life, and most of all the choice to be poly. She informed me in no uncertain terms that she wanted to hear absolutely nothing about it, that she didn't respect it, that she didn't feel it was right, and that our entire social circle felt the same way and that I needed to understand that my husband and I need to keep our deviations to ourselves because nobody was comfortable with it, and that I needed to really rethink my decision because my husband was really miserable.

Not really the tack I would have chosen to open negotiations for rebuilding a friendship.

I was sort of appalled that all of these things were coming out of her mouth. I slipped back into ultrapolite mode, which only happens when I completely withdraw from a situation, and let her know that I was sorry she felt that way, but that I was happy with the decisions I had made, that my life was very fulfilling, and that it was a good thing I have been building ties elsewhere, because it was obvious that I wasn't going to be able to get the support I needed from her. I also let her know that nothing was really going to change about my end of things, except that I would be attending fewer social events, and since I never see her outside of social events, this meant I would rarely see her, if at all.

What floored me most of all was the fact that after I said this, she said point blank, "but if there's anything else you want to talk about, I'm totally here for you. Let's do lunch again soon!"

I fled the restaurant as quickly as possible, and called Mr Unicorn to share how lunch went. He was livid, but we didn't have the time to really be able to talk. I texted and talked with various people throughout the rest of the workday, and eventually calmed down a bit.

When I picked Mr Unicorn up after work, we discussed what this breakdown would mean for our circle of friends. Since she was the only person we told about the poly business, there had obviously been some leakage of confidence somewhere along the line. We had been wanting to put off the poly talks with our circle for a while, but it looks like we're going to have to have them sooner rather than later so we can find out what people think they know, correct any misapprehensions, and share our open door policy for any questions they may have.

When we got home, Pearl was waiting for us in the driveway. Apparently I had accidentally sent a text to her instead of someone else, and she was incredibly hurt by the tone of it (last nail in the coffin of our dying friendship sort of thing).

She yelled at me for a bit. I spoke incredibly calmly about things. She cried. I apologized for the text, and explained the mistake. She said she left lunch feeling like she had attacked me. I agreed. She complained that she felt like I had changed, that I had let her down over and over, that I just hadn't been appreciating the work she was trying to do to bring us together. I confirmed that I had changed, that I was no longer okay with her trying to make me into someone I wasn't, and that I don't feel like she has actually seen me for the person I really am for a very long time. Years of hurt on both sides was being dragged into the light.

There was a lot of crying and a lot of discussion, but I think we may have found one another again. It's going to take a lot of work, but I think it will be worth it in the end. We parted on good terms, hopeful for the future.

Mr Unicorn is still furious with her. I don't blame him. She said some truly awful things today. I'm not really mad anymore, because I feel like a conclusion has been reached and the outcome that I desired has been achieved. I forgive her because I'm sure she was talking mostly from hurt and anger. I forgive her because that's just who I am.
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