Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Introductions

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 06-29-2010, 09:07 PM
PixieStyx's Avatar
PixieStyx PixieStyx is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Salt Lake City, UT
Posts: 29
Default Hello all!!!! Like to introduce myself.

Hello everyone!

My name is Jamie and I'm a polyaholic.... (just kidding). :P

No, actually I am very NEW to this as are a lot of people. Just a little background on me. I'm 9 years married to my highschool sweetheart and mother of four crazy boys. I live in Salt Lake City, UT and am inactive LDS. (mormon that hasn't been to church in a long time LOL). We are (or at least were lol) a monogamous couple. (LDS not FLDS lol) BUT in recent months I have fell in love with someone at my job. My husband was aware of our friendship and was ok with that. It increasingly developed into a romantic one though I have NOT slept with him. I recently told my husband that I had feelings for this other man and wanted to try a poly lifestyle. He was not thrilled but is willing to give it some thought. We have set some terms. Most I'm ok with but one I'm really not only cause it restricts me with my other love. However, I was willing to make the sacrifice for my husband as I really feel that asking him to try this was REALLY asking a lot of him.

This is all NEW territory for all involved. Its very exciting yet VERY scary. My husband's biggest fear is that we will fall out of love with each other and more in love with our partners. I can see that, I fear it too. I hope it will be a good experience and I look forward to making friends and seeking advice here along the way. Feel free to ask me questions.

Last edited by PixieStyx; 06-29-2010 at 09:09 PM. Reason: mispelling
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 06-29-2010, 09:50 PM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Kansas City Metro
Posts: 2,186
Default

Welcome aboard.

Your fears of falling in love with new partners and out of love with current ones are common. They speak to a wholly monogamous view, however, as the underlying assumption is one of romantic love being a zero-sum game, that you only have X amount of love and if you give that to one person, you have none for anybody else.

I suspect you'll be quite relieved to find out that love is not a zero-sum game--that you're able to love more than one person at a time without losing any existing relationships. It's a whole 'nother world when that realization hits.
__________________
When speaking of various forms of non-monogamy...it ain't poly if you're just fucking around.

While polyamory, open relationships, and swinging are all distinctly different approaches to non-monogamy, they are not mutually exlusive. Folks can, and some do, engage in more than one of them at a time--and it's all good.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 06-30-2010, 11:31 PM
immaterial immaterial is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Arizona
Posts: 133
Default

Welcome and good luck with the communication around this new love of yours with your husband. I look forward to hearing how it all goes.

I am beginning to realize that I have often only started truly loving another human being when I fell out of love with her. :-)

Immaterial
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 07-01-2010, 10:21 PM
solarwindsfly solarwindsfly is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Arizona
Posts: 29
Default

Welcome and I hope you enjoy learning and getting to know people here. I am new too and really like being able to read others questions and answers so I dont have to ask them all As for love... remember that even the bible says that love is endless. You cannot run out! Thats the best part. The hard part is having enough time and good communication skills for the maintenence part (at least it is for me). Post it on a wall somewhere or remind yourself every day for a few months and hopefully it will sink is better (it does for me) Love is endless, no beginning and no end. Love can never be too much and never be used up Good luck! I hope you find what you both want and more
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 07-02-2010, 07:22 PM
Morningglory629's Avatar
Morningglory629 Morningglory629 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: PA
Posts: 727
Default

Nice screenname...just had a conversation about pixiestix the candy!!!
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 07-02-2010, 10:49 PM
SourGirl's Avatar
SourGirl SourGirl is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: South of an Igloo, North of a Desert.
Posts: 885
Default

Welcome !

I am the mother of 4 as well, and can relate. lol.

Sounds like your husband and yourself are off to a cautious, but optimistic start.
Nothing wrong with that.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 07-08-2010, 03:33 AM
PixieStyx's Avatar
PixieStyx PixieStyx is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Salt Lake City, UT
Posts: 29
Default

Thanks Morning Glory I like my screenname too :P

Thanks everyone!!! This is really a big step for us that we (or at least my husband) is very hesitant to take. I give him credit though. He took this SOOOOO much better than I thought he would when I broke it to him that I wanted to try this. I do believe he feels a little threatened that this other man is going to steal me away. BUT I'm optimistic that we are working through that. He has even started profiles on a couple dating sites to find a mate for himself. I just wish that he wasn't asking that I not take things further with my other love until he finds someone for himself. It makes me feel like I'm being held hostage. Though I CAN understand why he is asking this of me. He wants things to be equal between us and I think maybe he wants to understand more firsthand where I'm coming from on all of this. It does make it difficult though.

Thanks for all you support everyone

Jamie
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 07-08-2010, 03:49 AM
MonoVCPHG's Avatar
MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: In Redpepper's heart
Posts: 4,742
Default

Equality is often not the friend of fairness. Fairness is both of you being free to explore. Equality is having to limit yourself until you are both at the same stage of freedom.

What would happen if you both fell in love and then he split up with his partner? Would you then have to split with yours?


I think your husband is absolutely a great example in how he accepted your need for this. There is a little bit of unrealistic expectations that your relationships should parallel his own however. Lives just don't work like that.

Sounds like you have a good start though. Keep communicating
__________________

Playing the Game of Life with Monopoly rules.
Monogamy might just be in my genes

Poly Events All Over
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 07-08-2010, 04:10 AM
PixieStyx's Avatar
PixieStyx PixieStyx is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Salt Lake City, UT
Posts: 29
Default

Thank you so much Mono. I absolutely agree! He's not wholly accepting yet but he's coming around. This just happened so fast for us, even me. Just 4 months ago I wouldn't have dreamed of doing anything like this. But NOW? well.....?
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 07-08-2010, 05:05 AM
MonoVCPHG's Avatar
MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: In Redpepper's heart
Posts: 4,742
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by PixieStyx View Post
Thank you so much Mono. I absolutely agree! He's not wholly accepting yet but he's coming around. This just happened so fast for us, even me. Just 4 months ago I wouldn't have dreamed of doing anything like this. But NOW? well.....?
Just keep in mind the affects of NRE. The euphoria of a new relationship can be great but also blinding and make us do things that we won't look back on with a sense of pride.

Good luck in your journey
__________________

Playing the Game of Life with Monopoly rules.
Monogamy might just be in my genes

Poly Events All Over
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 03:59 PM.