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  #1  
Old 10-29-2012, 03:41 AM
SearchingforMyself SearchingforMyself is offline
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Question Is it ok to be ok about a break-up?

On a prior thread I asked about the possibility of rebuilding trust - my then live-in partner E actually did post on this forum, but IMHO his post was a load of bull claiming that he didn't understand how to "be" poly. His behavior hasn't changed - he has not sought the help he claimed he was looking for and in fact his default setting now seems to be lying to me. He has lied about knocking a frame off the wall and damaging the baseboard, even about asking for a nite off from work! Our relationship is over. He still lives in my home for the moment as he has nowhere else to go and no money saved, but I have given him a deadline of 12/31 to find another place and he sleeps on the couch.

I just don't feel bad or upset about this relationship ending. My lover and metamour had even laid in supplies of Kleenex and my favorite ice cream for the moment that the yucky sadness set in, but that moment just hasn't happened. I guess maybe in part because of his attitude?

If anything, I feel bad that I don't feel bad. Has anyone else had this happen?
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Old 10-29-2012, 05:13 AM
pinkhop pinkhop is offline
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I think when you don't feel that sadness it because it's the right thing to do. You have emotionally disconnected from what was there and it's time to move on.

Also, maybe it has to do with knowing that you still have great supportive partners who will be there if you need it. Makes letting go a lot less scary.
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Old 10-29-2012, 05:34 AM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is online now
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You feel whatever it is you feel.

You don't have to feel bad about the "volume" that this particular break is taking or is NOT taking.

Just do the self care that you need to do for yourself.

GL!

Galagirl
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Old 10-29-2012, 06:31 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Is it okay to feel okay? Sure, it's okay! I think, when a relationship devolves to being so unsatisfactory and one has wrestled with it enough until it became draining, then it becomes a very sobering realization that it is a dead thing, and that needs are no longer being met. When things happen that way, it is much easier to look at it impassively and say, "Nope, no more of this shit for me," and move on. Maybe you've only been on the other side of a break-up, being the one who was hopeful and still invested when the other person said "no more," so it feels weird now to be almost business-like and efficient about ending it. But it sounds like you're in the right place. Good for you for giving a date to get out - I do love it when women stand up for themselves with such confidence.
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/
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