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Old 05-20-2010, 02:58 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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When I had one...I called her my girlfriend

But GS is right, it was dependant on the audience involved
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Old 05-20-2010, 03:01 PM
tinx tinx is offline
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Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 2

Yeah, I think we're mainly talking about names for the circles we're out in, if that makes sense. Or on the internet, where people know we're poly but not who we are.

I'm not really looking for a definitive answer, just some suggestions. Nothing we've come up with so far quite fits.
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Old 05-20-2010, 05:31 PM
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CielDuMatin CielDuMatin is offline
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I call her by her name.
I also refer to her by her name when talking to others.

I usually let people work out for themselves what the relationship is.

"Listen, or your tongue will make you deaf." - Native American Proverb
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Old 05-20-2010, 06:22 PM
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Danny40179 Danny40179 is offline
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Location: Central NJ
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Started out calling her our gf, now she's the wife. If I have to specify when I'm talking to someone, I call them by name (which is bizarre since at home we all go by pet names...lol) or if I refer to them together, then they are my girls.

Hope you find one that suits everyone.

Live life to the fullest 'cause you never know if you're gonna wake up tomorrow!
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Old 05-20-2010, 11:45 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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I call him by name when talking to others.
IF someone asks about our relationship-he's my boyfriend.
But I HATE that term and would prefer not to use it-so I don't OFFER it that way.

Often I'll say he's my best friend-because HE IS my best friend. But ONLY if it's not going to leave the situation feeling/looking like I lied in terms of not acknowledging the depth of our relationship.

I never lie about us being committed lovers.
"Love As Thou Wilt"
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Old 05-21-2010, 02:00 AM
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Breathesgirl Breathesgirl is offline
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Location: Ontario, Canada
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Given names or boyfriend depending on the person I'm talking to.

Online it's Breathes for my primary & Possibility for my secondary. I'm not overly fond of hierarchical (sp?) titles but these two terms DO cover what type of relationship they are in my life.

Breathes is a name he's used forever online & Possibility because I started calling him that online to help differentiate between the two without going primary & secondary since, to me, primary and secondary are just words with no special meaning & both of my guys are VERY special to me so I don't want to degrade them that way.
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Old 05-21-2010, 02:32 AM
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ourquad ourquad is offline
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: florida
Posts: 83

His name mostly but as a way to state our relationship to others then we use boyfriend. And I hate that. To me it doesn't totally convey what he means to me. I've tried to come up with a better name but I was never successful and he is the one that settled on that description.
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Old 05-21-2010, 03:20 AM
Anne Anne is offline
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 12

Originally Posted by GroundedSpirit View Post
Whatever is appropriate for the given audience. And sometimes it may just be their proper name and leave the audience to twist it in whatever direction their minds are capable of

For us three, my husband is my man and my (.........) is my "second man", but at least I say that with a twinkle, because emotionally hes not secondary to me. With other people, I often use other terms, as Grounded Spirit has put it - it depends on the audience.

Some people Im not so closely related with or of whom I know they would never ever understand poly, dont even know about our situation. For them, hes just my best friend.

For me personally, when I try to describe my feelings, hes one of the two men I love most in the world, and the female, melancholic, elvish part of the whole.
* Every new love enlarges the heart *
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Old 05-21-2010, 03:27 AM
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TL4everu2 TL4everu2 is offline
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We don't have any currently.
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Old 05-21-2010, 03:33 AM
SayYes SayYes is offline
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 45

I've been trying to figure this one out, too. I just use his name as much as possible, but of course there are those situations where you're talking to people who don't know the others in your life by name, and it's more natural to use a descriptor like my husband/boyfriend/partner/etc. I refuse to say "friend," because I don't want to downplay/be secretive about anything. For a while I used to say "guy I'm seeing" or something like that, but that seems too casual now. So generally I end up saying boyfriend, even though I'm not fond of the term.
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