what do you call your lovers

[aussielover]

Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG

Just focus on the love and not the labels.

I'm lucky in that I could care less about labels. I will never let myself feel equal with Redpepper's husband out of respect for there relationship and him as a person. I like the supporting role

I feel very much like you in the respect that their relationship DOES come first and I will do nothing to jeapordize this. I'm not usually a labels kind of person, but for some reason I feel the need. Perhaps it is because I had a wife for so long.
This is all just very new to us too. What we were doing just seemed natural and the right thing to do for us. And then we find this whole new world of people and support and all these terms... It can be a bit overwhelming.

I do focus on the love that we have for each other. That's what gets me through these long days so very far away from my family. lol I'd just like to call them something but not sure what. I suppose it will come with time.

[Sunshinegrl]

How About just that Honey..Family. Cause thats what we are. Its does seem strange now that we have found this "explination" for what we this is...but it doesnt change it. Still the same relationship as before..But with a name.

[MonoVCPHG]

How's about just calling yourselfves Lucky LOL! Sounds like you are all on the same page and heading for a great future

[aussielover]

True that baby. You're absolutely right.
Just kinda in introductions was what I was thinking...

hehe we ARE lucky. thanks Mono

[Mark1npt]

Intros can be tough....we're still somewhat in the closet in this small town. Out of deference to my wife and our other, I really like Mono's "lifelove" label. Secondary just doesn't do it.......

[redpepper]

I like to call my husband what he is and depending on the company, I call mono my "primary." It denotes that he has a place over others in my life, but not the same status as my husband. If I am introducing mono to people not in the poly community I call him my "boyfriend" or "other partner." I feel a bit strange calling him my "life love" as I feel my husband should be fitting that role.... but then I see mono as fitting it also, so I don't use it at all and it has become my name. If we were ever to get married I would call him my "other husband" I think. Marriage is a commitment that comes with it's own labels and I like to use them as they are respected in our culture as having loved each other enough to commit on a deeper level than simple boy/girl friend. That would seem fitting with mono and I.

[MonoVCPHG]

Originally Posted by redpepper

That would seem fitting with mono and I.

You are so doomed in a very good way

[rolypoly]

I love this thread!

I would ideally prefer to be able to introduce my partners by their names, plain and simply and not have to explain why I'm holding hands with someone that I haven't exclusively introduced as my bf. But, I live in a very small community. Just getting up and going for a walk with someone of the opposite sex immediately invites questions from at least one person, even when there's absolutely nothing sexual/romantic between us.

So, it gets complicated. I introduce 'R' as my friend, (it's much too early for us to have any kind of bf/gf/lover status) and when my lover 'D' comes to visit, I will introduce her as my friend as well. I also will not refrain from kissing her or flirting with her in public. That will immediately raise confusion and at least a few questions from other people in my community.

That's where I have no idea what to call them or what to say when people ask. If they want to know the truth, I'll tell them, but not without the fear of being misunderstood or rejected.

'R' is someone I'm falling in love with, feel a very, very strong connection with, but I'm not ready to be his gf, so I still call him a friend, not bf. My connection with 'D' is much more clear, simply because she's in a primary relationship with her gf. I am one of her side lovers and we're good friends. I'm happy being called her lover and don't need more from her. I also really love her, but I'm not in love with her.

I would hope that in the future, there will be acceptance when and if I call more than one person my bf or gf.

[rory]

This is quite an old thread but I'll bump since we were talking about this with my girlfriend just yesterday.

Well, more accurately we debated whether she should/could call me wife once we're that far. It's only been 2,5 months so not for some years, but we enjoy talking about this kind of stuff. She said she would feel as though she was misleading people, since we are both already married and thus can't marry each other (if we were single we could get a legal partnership in our country despite both being women). But I feel as though I'll have every right to call her wife once I feel ready to get married. Society won't recorgnise the commitment for each other, but I want the word to reflect what I feel and our relationship. Actually, I feel it as a political thing to do signifying that society should recognise multiple relationships legally.

If one wanted to be even more political, they could adopt "Unlawful Wife" or something like that. But I find wife to be more practical in everyday life.

[RfromRMC]

I call them both partners.

As a unit, I say we're a family though occasionally have used the cute word "throuple".