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Old 11-03-2016, 11:29 PM
Zeggplant Zeggplant is offline
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Default What is the zeggplant doing here

So, I finally have some time to explain a bit better how I came to this forum. I mean, I’ve already written a summary on my presentation topic but I thought you’d like to know more about me. Or maybe I’m just eager to finally tell someone how I feel about some stuff. Anyhow, buckle up, for this is going to be a long read !


As I said, I am a 24 y.o. female, and I have been in a commited monogamous relationship for a bit more than 3 years. The 2 first years weren’t idyllic since I had to deal with some psychological problems (social anxiety then depression) and that my boyfriend (let’s call him Be) didn’t help me at all. I won’t be explaining the whole thing here, but long story short he has a complicated past and I knew that and could see through the not-helping-you behavior he had. It was rough, it was hell, but we got through and are now very happy.

‘But Zeggplant’ you may ask, ‘why are you on a polyamory forum if you are in a happy mono relationship?’
Well here’s the thing : while I *am* happy with Be, want to build a lifelong relationship and would happily have children (oh, but not now, in a few years maybe!) with him, I have been struggling (and not only with this relationship) with my ability to still fall in love with other people.

I am a daydreamer. For the longest time, I have lived inside my head a lot of adventures that a part of me cannot distinguish from reality – emotionally, I mean. I would live various stories and situations in my head and it would somehow feel like I’ve really lived them. Knowing that, I have never been shocked nor embarrassed by my temporary feelings for other people because I thought they would pass just as my daydreaming does. And for most of them, they did pass.
On the other hand, I am a passionate person… but temporarily, once again. I have short periods of time during which I would be passionate about one subject, one topic… Or one person, as I then saw it.

Sure it was no fun to feel attracted to someone, to know that I could seduce that person and maybe start something… without actually doing it. I’d say I’m addicted to the intensity of the beginning. I think I saw you call it NRE? (okay, I’ll admit, I googled what it meant ^^)

Anyway, again I won’t explain my past in details but at some point I got into a very intense relationship a few years ago, so intense that when it ended he wanted to die and so did I. It took me 6 years to totally get over it, but since that I still crave the intensity, and the only thing that resemble it is the chase, the hunt, the seduction.

Because of all this, I always thought of myself that I was some kind of unnatural monster who couldn’t be satisfied with what she has. I was kind of OK with this and just tried not to act upon my feelings toward other people when they were not my partner. It went pretty well (apart from the weeks of frustration, self-anger and depression caused by me trying to restrain myself) especially since those people that I was attracted to didn’t show any sign of reciprocity. Until Sleepwalker.
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  #2  
Old 11-04-2016, 08:34 AM
Zeggplant Zeggplant is offline
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Sleepwalker is an older guy who’s in my group of friends. I’ve known him for a year but we used to only see each other when we had a roleplay game session with other friends. At that time I started having a crush (more like an attraction, my sex life wasn’t going very well) for another guy of the RP group, but nothing ever happened with him, on one hand because apart from looking at him frequently I never did anything (and even though he saw my glares and that he would look at me too quite frequently, he never did anything either), on the other hand because when we got some alone time (we went to buy some kebab for the group) we had NOTHING to talk about. So it stayed at the attraction level, and it still is kind of.
Last August, the most ridiculous thing happened to me. Sleepwalker went to other events that I was invited to by some people (let’s call them the Panels, random name yay). The Panels used to organized weekly gathering, and at some point I organized my own gathering as well with some friends that I met here.
The 1st event Sleepwalker went to, I did not think much about him, just that he was funny and that other people seemed to not understand his humor. But then I went to sleep, and during my sleep I dreamt that we were together, he and I. And, yup, that’s pretty much how I started falling for him. I told you it was ridiculous ^^
So I thought, ‘Meh, another passion, it will pass just like everything else, let’s try and ignore it as always’. But it didn’t work, because I have that strange ability that makes me unconsciously understand what people need and I can, still unconsciously, answer to that need. Sleepwalker needed someone that would not pressure him, and he would test anyone about that. When he said he would, maybe, come to one of my events, I said ‘Yeah sure you do whatever you want, there’s no need to come if you don’t think you’re gonna have fun!’
Basically, what he needs is what I really like in myself : letting go, letting the other free. Benevolence. Gosh he needs tons of that. Also, he’s a writer. And I write too (I used to at least). So we have stuff to talk about. And we make each other laugh.

There’s a connection. Even though I tried to ignore my feelings once again there was a connection that grew stronger and stronger to the point where I felt very depressed because I wanted him so bad, I wanted to have the right to go to him and tell him how I felt… But I can’t, I can’t because it would hurt Be, and Sleepwalker too.
We’ve been talking through Skype for a week now, maybe a bit more. Nothing explicit. Nothing implicit either. Anyone who doesn’t know about my feelings or his (and I know he likes me too, I had some clear hints) would read our chat and think maybe that we’re old friends and that we’re a bit teasy but nothing serious really.
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Old 11-06-2016, 07:54 PM
Zeggplant Zeggplant is offline
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I’ve come to term with my feelings, and I finally understood that I am no monster. I may just have the right mindset to be poly. Which doesn’t make me less human! Woohoo, good news

I really, really love Be. I do not want not to be with him. I would be devastated if he knew all this because he is extremely mono and would not consider “sharing” me. And I like Sleepwalker. Both. And I would like so much to be able to go with both.

So, yeah, sorry for the long text. Thanks for reading me. I hope you'll have advices for me as I am quite young and lack experience in the poly world (or in relationships in general ^^) so it would help me a lot to have some advices or answers from others ^^
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Old 11-06-2016, 08:08 PM
Zeggplant Zeggplant is offline
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Also I just realised it may not be the best place to ask for advice ^^;

But I didn't want to annoy anyone with the long text, so I decided to post the the life stories section...

Plus there's been sent updates lately on my current friendship with Sleepwalker and this post might be the right place to talk about the evolution of my feelings and so on... Well, I'll take advices on that too ^^
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