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  #71  
Old 07-13-2011, 03:41 AM
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River River is offline
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The sands of time....

Derek! I love/d him with all of my heart. It was almost half a lifetime ago! When all is said and done, the facts are: He's alive; He is well, very well, indeed!

I'll always love him with all of my heart. Such is the nature of hearts.

He's middle aged now, just like me. (Is this really him!?! in this photo on the "internets"?) Yes, it is!

Still beautiful. Still cute. Still just what I knew he was destined to be -- a healer, a teacher, a mystic, a lover....

Oh, it's such a long and short story!

Infinite love is the glory of my life.

Suffice it to say, I love him with all of my infinite heart. I always have.
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Last edited by River; 07-13-2011 at 03:44 AM.
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  #72  
Old 07-13-2011, 02:43 PM
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Set Them Free
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  #73  
Old 07-13-2011, 03:30 PM
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Talking with myself again...

Here in this world with mosquitos and rattle snakes and ticks and stinging insects.... Here where it is sometimes too hot, too cold, where there are wars and diseases, where death sits on our shoulders and waits.... Here where rose bushes have thorns, ... Right here in all of this grows the most tender glory, the most ecstatic freedom, the most awesome joy....

Say an unequivocal Yes! to life, and watch what happens! Say it often. Live this Yes.
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  #74  
Old 07-13-2011, 06:34 PM
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Taking Rest

You get up from a park bench
And you walk away
And you stop
And look back
As if something -- what? --
Had been left behind

It was nothing
Just a bit of myself
As if I were a snail
Leaving a trail of myself behind

The day has opened
And my hand has opened
And the poem opens
Where the heart opens
The loss of the fear
Of falling

The falling away of death
The opening of death
The embrace of the dark
The hello to light
To shadow

This love is bigger than I am
It cannot go on carrying
Myself around
As if I knew myself at all
As if I need needed
The busy
Inward mirror
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  #75  
Old 07-14-2011, 02:51 PM
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Default This One Takes The Cake

So I told my new far-away-nearby SweetiePie about Derek, who basically pushed me away so very long ago, Derek who it was impossible not to love, to fall in love with. I had gone to visit with him in San Francisco, where he lived, and I was so in love with him. I had travelled far to be with him a while. (We were little more than puppies way back then, about seventeen years ago. Wet behind the ears puppies.)

... Anyway, he was something of a cold fish toward me most of my visit. We shared a bed and he would not hold me or be held. I did get some kisses at a restaraunt, though! But, overall, I was being rejected. Pushed away. And it broke my heart.

We had met up in Oregon some months before, and there is where I fell in love with Derek. And I got to hold him there bunches and kiss and sleep with him ... spooning....

This was so long ago!

Anyway, after talking with my SweetiePie about Derek I decided one more time to see if I could track him down and make contact with him. This time I was successful. I learned where he lived and how to contact him, and sent him email. He responded! We're back in communication! Wow!

He had a drug addiction problem, he had told me the last time I'd seen him, after he'd pushed me away in San Francisco. He had it bad, and cried with me as he said that it would kill him if he didn't kick it. People push people away when they are hurting and scared. Shit, we were both hurting and scared wet behind the ears puppies (and cute!) back then. (He's still cute!)

He told me yesterday that he loves me. He wants to talk on the phone next week (He's on vacation away from home and we're communicating on FaceBook and email.) He said he'd like to come visit me here in Santa Fe. (He lives on the East coast now.)

After much confusion and tears and sobbing I came to realize that I've never stopped being in love with Derek. It's such an amazing thing! All of these years I have been in love with Derek. I will, in fact, always be in love with Derek.

What sort of relationship we might have? I sure don't know. Maybe we can be in love and not see each other often? Maybe we'll "date"? Maybe we'll be close friends? Maybe we will be lovers and romantic partners? (Gawd! I already have two! (And one of those lives in freaking Minnesota!) Is the universe being too generous?!)

I never dreamed I might have three loves all at once.

I'm going to have to cut this off at three, Ms Universe! Are you hearing me, Goddess!? I can handle a maximum of three Great Loves right now. Please stop sending me abundance in this particular realm of my life. Don't get me wrong, HeartOfTheCosmos, I'm much appreciative. I have much gratitude. But I am human. So knock it off, okay. Give me land to build a community on. Give me a briefcase full of cash. Heal my heart and soul some more. But no more lovers, okay! Thank you so much! I love you! You're the best. I'd do anything for you. You know that.
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  #76  
Old 07-14-2011, 10:32 PM
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Melody

Can you hear the melody
Arising from the fantasy
Arising from the common sense
And breaking down the self-defense?

You come to them with poetry
And listen to the mystery
They oblige sincerity
And offer up a yes indeed

Deeper still than garden seeds
Fuller than those garden weeds
Tending to your deepest needs
They know that you've been always free

And what if it's a dream bouquet?
They echo what you've always said
They know where you've been always dead
The palace living in your head

The world is just a dream machine
Or so it is on tv screens
The river flowing in your veins
The moment living still remains

And so you give them all you have
And pray the rhyme will be less bad
The way you dance across the floor
As if you're sure there's dancing more
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Last edited by River; 07-14-2011 at 10:43 PM.
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  #77  
Old 07-15-2011, 01:40 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Glad a special person came back into your life, River.
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Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

me: Mags, 58, living with:
miss pixi, 37, who is dating (NRE):
Master, 32
my bf: Ginger, 61, married to:
Robin, 60 (mono)
and dating (NRE): Carla and David, married couple, early 40s
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  #78  
Old 07-15-2011, 02:45 PM
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Thanks, Magdlyn!

This is so amazing and wonderful, even if all that comes of it is some talking.
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  #79  
Old 07-15-2011, 05:26 PM
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I do like that "briefcase full of cash" request...
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Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me. ~Bryan Ferry
"Love is that condition in which another person's happiness is essential to your own." ~Robert Heinlein
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  #80  
Old 07-15-2011, 06:24 PM
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I'm going to be needing that cash for travel expenses!

Have any of you ever met up with somone you loved after a very, very long time with no see and no hear?
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