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  #191  
Old 07-02-2015, 03:43 AM
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Default The Beautiful

The beautiful caterpillars ate the beautiful nasturtiums.

The beautiful bluebirds ate the caterpillars.

The beautiful hawks ate the beautiful bluebirds.

The beautiful worms ate the beautiful hawks.

The beautiful nasturtiums ate what the beautiful worms ate.

The beautiful caterpillars ate the beautiful nasturtiums.


....


And when you think about it, well there's no need to doubt it.
That bright green caterpillar was no ordinary killer.

The glorious butterfly took wing
Upon the meal of ... itself.


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Last edited by River; 07-02-2015 at 04:17 AM.
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  #192  
Old 07-18-2015, 06:23 PM
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Well, after years without dating or "seeing" anyone apart from my now very long term partner, K (twenty years), I've been swapping wet kisses and long cuddles and touches with R (male), who is an old friend of sorts (we've not been hanging out for years, but are now doing so again. I said "of sorts" because we did not hang out often or long in our earlier friendship exploration, which also included physical intimacy. He left the country for a few months after we had first met and spent time together.).

And I have also "met" (in a manner of speaking) a woman (!) online, and she lives in my neck of the woods and is bi and poly like me(!). She ("D") and I have plans to spend some time in wild nature together very soon, just hanging out. We have a little plot of "wild nature" (mostly wild) right near the city where I live, walking distance from down town, really. A rare spot not everyone knows about.

(It is not impossible that either of them could read here, so let me say this:
I promise to totally respect your privacy and will not give away any identifying information here.)

I have no idea whether D (the gal) and I will explore beyond anything platonic. But I'm kind of excited about the mere possibility of doing so with a woman after, well,
two decades with nothing more sexy between myself and a woman than a few wet kisses with a woman who has since become probably my closest platonic woman friend "S".

In our email exchange, I was pretty direct, open and honest with D about my history with women (and largely the lack thereof) -- which has been very limited, even though I've been quite open to intimate, loving, romantic / sexual... relating with women. It is the women who have been more reluctant than I -- because I've been partnered with men almost all of my adult life.

Anyway, I guess things are starting to get interesting, regards my experience with polyamory, so I thought I'd make a post here. I'll let y'all know how things unfold -- while respecting the privacy of the people involved.
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Last edited by River; 07-18-2015 at 06:32 PM.
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  #193  
Old 07-18-2015, 06:55 PM
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Let me say a little more about R.

R is a lovely, fascinating, unusual ... man. Now I don't remember his age exactly from the years ago revelation, but he's quite a lot older than I am -- and a really fine physical specimen for his years. He must be somewhere between 60-70, but
exactly where, I do not recall. (We've only just begun to hang out some again.)

He hikes a lot in the mountains. That's his main thing, or almost so. And so when we get together -- because this is a shared need / interest -- we generally go up into the mountains and take a little hike ... and then we find ourselves a place off the trails and in the shrubbery where it is private..., we sit or lay down and talk ... and pretty soon we're touching / cuddling / kissing.... That's basically the routine.

I like him. But things are not without their challenges. He's married to a woman who has a DADT agreement with him.

Quote:
DONíT ASK, DONíT TELL (DADT): A relationship structure in which a person who is partnered is permitted to have additional sexual or romantic relationships on the condition that his or her partner does not know anything about those additional relationships and does not meet any of those other people. Commentary: Many people in the polyamorous community frown on donít ask, donít tell relationships, and choose not to become involved in such relationships. There are many dangers in such relationships, including the idea that a person who claims to be involved in such a relationship may simply be cheating (as the relationship often provides no mechanism by which that personís partner may be contacted to confirm that the relationship permits other relationships); the fact that many people choose DADT relationships as a way of avoiding and not dealing with emotional issues such as jealousy; and the fact that DADT relationships are built on a foundation of lack of communication within the existing relationship. -- excerpted from: https://www.morethantwo.com/polyglossary.html
It was the DADT aspect which had the most to do with the fact that R and I stopped seeing one another. It was not the only factor, but the largest -- with me being responsible, mainly, for backing off.

I suspect very much that R is not lying about the DADT agreement he has with his wife. He appears to be a man of integrity and good will. She just doesn't want to know about his involvements with men. And the friendship between R and I is agreed by both of us to be "key" -- not sex. Most liars are all about the sex, I gather. And the intimacy (other-than-sexual) between R and I is much greater than is typical with average people -- at least at such an early stage of getting to know one another.

I really don't like the DADT part, but I do like R -- and could probably even grow to love him.

I wonder if that would freak him out -- if I grew to love him? Well, in an other than platonic way... and surely we're not at all platonic... but as I said the situation is unusual, as are the men involved.
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  #194  
Old 07-19-2015, 04:50 AM
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Default !

For me, lust seems to have died.

Oh, sure, I can see and appreciate physical beauty in men and women, but when I'm in the grocery isle, or out on the town, etc., ... lust has died for me. I see their beauty, and the "type"of chassis they have -- if it fits the mold I call "my type" (lithe, slim, carved like marble...). Men, by the way, have curves. If you have not noticed, you ain't been looking. Women have 'em too.

I don't yet know -- not quite -- how to live in a post-lust world, but I think I'll have to find out. Whatever the chassis, now, ... well? Okay! How wonderful; how lovely! But there is no longer a direct link between appreciation and desire.

I am in the age of soul now. Gone is the age of lust.

Life is short.
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  #195  
Old 07-21-2015, 11:55 PM
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I had my "date" with D today. And what a date it was!

D had a BAND-AIDģ on her arm where the plastic surgeon had cut away a scar which she had inflicted on herself as a "cutter" way back in the day.

We shared our stories with one another in a very frank, open, intimate way. She was surprisingly able and willing to set aside small talk (weather, sports...) and relate at a more genuine level (a level which I prefer, since life is short).

Since she was a little girl, life was such that -- to cope and to survive -- she had to largely dispense with her capacity to feel -- sensations, emotions, aliveness.... You know, abuse, neglect ... that now almost entirely ubiquitous "normal" average people had to survive in order to grow up and one day have a choice as to whether to begin to open it all up again, feel again... begin to heal and grow.... Again. Maybe hers is worse than typical normal, but it is normal in kind -- if not degree.

She likes to "fuck". Fucking does not require feeling at or above the heart. We talked some about the Pink Floyd song, "comfortably numb".... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y7EpSirtf_E

[huge necessary gaps in conversation].... She's brilliantly intelligent. She knows her own situation - some version or another of anhedonia (google it). She had been abused, neglected. She survived. Just....

I thought it good when she said "You're not my type". So long as she's not interested in "being in a relationship" she's not my type, either. Not for "a relationship". But we talked about how friendships are relationships. Does anybody remember those days, when a friendship was one among several kinds of relationships -- ... days when pay phones were ubiquitous, with their rotary dial connections? Days just after they stopped delivering milk door-to-door in little glass bottles? When people watched where they were going while driving cars (how many tons?) through towns and cities ... Days when "human kindness" meant someting...?

We hung out only for a couple of hours, but because we said nothing about sports or weather -- and talked entirely real with one another for a couple of hours (amazingly!) we got to the parting hug.

She had already said, earlier, that she does not feel comfortable with hand shakes, much less (much more?) hugs. I had already let the cat out the the bag about how "tactile" I am. We were real open and honest.....

When we hugged at the end of our little get-together (which hug SHE offered!) she gave me perhaps the warmest, tenderest, longest of nourishing, beautiful hugs of my life. I am still in the glow of it. Deeply, intimately, touched.

Words. Bla, bla, bla ... You would have had to have been there.

Wow!
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Last edited by River; 07-22-2015 at 12:01 AM.
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