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  #121  
Old 08-22-2011, 11:50 PM
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I'm so happy I can openly and fearlessly "check out" men and women when out walking, or in the grocery store or restaraunt... with my guy (man, boyfriend, partner...). It was cute moments ago when we were grocery shopping together and I turned to connect the face with the rear end of the woman that caught my eye. He looked at me and smiled broadly and laughed lightly. He thinks its a little funny that his boyfriend is now checking out women about as often as he checks out the guys.

We had a great lovemaking session today, after several days apart. Instead of the Hollywood cigarette following the fireworks we just held each other and gazed smilingly into one another's eyes, like new lovers, only fifteen+ years in.

Ahhhh. Life is so good.
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  #122  
Old 08-24-2011, 01:17 AM
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Another lovely two hour long phone date with FarawaySweetie this afternoon. One of these days we'll have to light candles on our respective tables and toast with some good wine!

Alternatively, we could have a brunch date and whine about our burnt toast.
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  #123  
Old 08-25-2011, 02:14 AM
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Praise be for the pain of love!
The way the seed breaks open and flowers shortly.
The wash of flood!
The breaking finally free.
And still there is the pain of love.
Its growing pains.
Not so final, after all.
Praise for the pain of love.
For the joy and the pain of love.
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Last edited by River; 08-25-2011 at 02:18 AM.
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  #124  
Old 08-25-2011, 02:32 AM
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Coming to the end of the trail that goes always forward, dips into the unknown, darkness and mud, rain.... Smiles, searching, searchless, songs and poems and moons and crickets.... It becomes possible to realize these bodily sensations we call pain as the reaching they have always been, reaching from the known into the Mystery. Mystery which sings Welcome. Mystery, which has room for it all, which Welcomes it all.
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  #125  
Old 08-25-2011, 07:45 PM
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I've just had a very rough patch. Let us just say that this guy I had thought was a friend has treated me -- repeatedly -- with extraordinary unkindness and insensitivity. That would be the one I called "long lost love". We went to a queer men's gathering together. I won't tell the details here, but I will welcome kind and loving / comforting words. I'll recover. The emotional pain was so severe that I had physical pain because of it. And, no, I was not hoping for "romance" with him. I was hoping for a human connection, some warmth, some tender presence.... Overall, I got none of that. Indeed, he kept brushing me off for More Important Things/Persons, and to an extreme. Long story I shall not tell here.

At least I'm making lemonade from all of these lemons! And this all helped me to appreciate the people in my life who really are true friends and loves--especially Kevin and "FarawaySweetie" -- whom I just spent time with on the phone. She's such a joy!
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  #126  
Old 08-26-2011, 08:03 AM
bella123456 bella123456 is offline
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That does sound difficult. You certainly do not deserve unkindness or insensitvity. The exact opposite I would think..

I hope you are starting to feel better...I really do. These episodes can leave bruises which take a little time, so you need to be extra kind to yourself whilst the bruises heal. Sometimes it is the case that people struggle with connection...I think that can often be based on issues around vulnerability. Well, their loss..

So keep surrounding yourself with the people that carry and bring joy...
Warmth from here
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  #127  
Old 08-26-2011, 03:35 PM
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Thanks, Bella!
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  #128  
Old 08-26-2011, 03:47 PM
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Just remember, he acted that way not because of a problem with you but because of a problem with him. If you keep reminding yourself of that, sometimes compassion can replace the pain. Not to take him off the hook, of course, just to reframe things.
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  #129  
Old 08-26-2011, 04:57 PM
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Thanks, Annabel!
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  #130  
Old 08-26-2011, 06:45 PM
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River,

You are beautiful. I'm sad to hear you weren't treated well by your friend, but I'm glad that you choose to look to the love in your life in this situation, instead of being blinded to it by disappointment. You are a rare gem and I appreciate your soul and the sharing of it with us, as always.

Press on, brother, like only you can.
-R
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