A few words on prejudice

[Silkanie]

I too have had some negative opinions voiced in my life, hell in some ways it's like a lot of the LGBTQ and other people in Arizona would rather stomp on other down people in the world than unite.

I've had a Mormon Ask me why I would choose to have god hate me.

Heard the open and checked expression by ASU LGBTQ lead members that polyamory is hurting their ability to provide positive change in this world.

Been told bisexuality is for gays who don't have the guts to be gay. (And at a later date when I explained carefully how I select my partners told me I must have other medical flaws such as some form of Autism or Aspberger's Syndrome for describing what was in essence pansexuality, when at the time I didn't know the word).

With the acceptation of my father a stern and disapproving glare got the message across...much harder to keep an even emotional state when receiving such scorn from your family.

[Helo]

Originally Posted by MoonElf

I'll start with the three things I hear a lot (too much) about poly.
That this would only work on theory.

Judging by the 50% divorce rate and the frequency that similar relationships split up, the same could be said for monogamy.

That I only say this because I didn't find the right person. (To which I respond: I did. I found two of them.)

That's along the same lines as saying someone is only gay because they haven't found the right girl/guy and its just as idiotic.

That I don't understand ou have experienced "True Love" (This last one is really hurtfull for me.)

Ludicrous. Unless the person is a mind-reader, there's no way they can make that determination.

People also assume that since i'm too young (I'm in my early 20's) I'll eventually change my mind. "I'm too young to have really loved anyone", etc.

Age has very little to do with it. I've met fifteen year old's who knew more about love than a senior citizen and senior citizens who knew less about love than life-long priests or nuns.

So what about you guys? Have you experienced/still experience prejudice? Are you still in closet in fear of it?

Nothing serious or overt. Mostly just confusion.

I had a few people I knew who decided that they couldn't be friends with me because of that part of my life. The most hostility I've experienced because of my being poly was on OkCupid. When I first signed up and put in my profile that I was poly, I received three messages. Two were from women who were wondering why I was on the site and why I didnt "respect" women enough to just date one. The third message was from a guy who was incredibly hostile and angry, just generally ralphing up garbage about how I was "stealing" women. Aside from that, I've never been much trouble.

Admittedly, I dont publicize it when I think it might be a problem so I'm kinda half-in-half-out as far as the closet goes. Less out of fear and more out of a desire to avoid dealing with people's crap. I have a stunningly small amount of patience for narrow-mindedness and people squawking about how having attended couples therapy that one time gives them such a wealth of knowledge about what works and what doesn't in a relationship.

[MoonElf]

Originally Posted by Helo

Admittedly, I dont publicize it when I think it might be a problem so I'm kinda half-in-half-out as far as the closet goes. Less out of fear and more out of a desire to avoid dealing with people's crap.

This. It's more about avoiding unecessary crap than being afraid to tell.

Silkanie, Before I was familiar with the word pansexual, I did identify myself as bi. Heard a lot about "not having the balls to be a lesbian", "being in a transiction phase and soon to be a lesbian" and even "Just trying to get attention from straight guys".
When I first tried to use the term "pansexual" it was WAY worse. I had people asking me if it meant I'd do it with dogs, too, or basicaly anything that moves. When I explained it, people said I must have some issued and ought to get checked out. So I just use "bi" in general. Again, avoiding most of the crap.

[Silkanie]

Originally Posted by MoonElf

When I first tried to use the term "pansexual" it was WAY worse. I had people asking me if it meant I'd do it with dogs, too, or basicaly anything that moves. When I explained it, people said I must have some issued and ought to get checked out. So I just use "bi" in general. Again, avoiding most of the crap.

Probably most frustrating about this is that I started getting told I look at relationships in an 'unnatural' and 'abnormal' way before I even knew the word for it. What is even more confusing is that, in America at a minimum, we teach our children we're supposed to love without regard to the exterior (other than possibly as a sign of how well someone takes care of themselves and others)...so we teach Pansexuality as the ideal, but those who enact it or feel it for real are 'freaks'.

[MoonElf]

Originally Posted by Silkanie

Probably most frustrating about this is that I started getting told I look at relationships in an 'unnatural' and 'abnormal' way before I even knew the word for it. What is even more confusing is that, in America at a minimum, we teach our children we're supposed to love without regard to the exterior (other than possibly as a sign of how well someone takes care of themselves and others)...so we teach Pansexuality as the ideal, but those who enact it or feel it for real are 'freaks'.

Exactaly. To my closest friends I do explain that my view on unconditional love is that gender should not be a condition either.
When I give people the exemple of Peaches - he could be a woman, or pretty much WHATEVER gender on the wide spectrum (I don't see it as only two possibilities at all) - I'd love him the same, they mostly say it's cute, but they cound't look past gender when falling in love and I must somehow broken in the head to actually think this way. Peaches fells the same about me, though, and to us it's just the natural way of things.

People actually told me I had some serious issues way before I identify even as bi. When I knew Peaches I was a straight little girl as far as I knew, but people critized me a lot because he was dressed as a woman when I met him (and was known to like dressing as a woman, painting nails and etc on special ocasions) and I didn't seem to mind that at all.

[MeeraReed]

Here's one...

A friend offered to set me up with someone she knows, and I reminded her that I am only interested in men who would be open to non-exclusive relationships.

"Oh wow," she said, looking very serious and worried, "I don't know ANYONE who would be okay with that."

Gee, thanks.

I will also point out that this friend of mine already knew (or, I thought she did) that I am dating non-monogamously, as I had explained this to her earlier, and as this has been a major process I that have been going through for the past two years.

If she'd made that comment to me two years ago, I would have been devastated. Luckily, I am much more centered and confident and secure with my approach to dating now, so I am not hurt or insulted now. My friend didn't mean to be unhelpful.

It would have been nice if I'd more [or any] support from friends over the past two years, but at this point, I've concluded that it's not my friends' job to say the exact right thing to me; rather, it's up to me to educate my friends on my approach to dating. I can't control their responses.

But, yes, a little less prejudice would be nice.

[Silkanie]

Originally Posted by MeeraReed

"Oh wow," she said, looking very serious and worried, "I don't know ANYONE who would be okay with that."

Clearly she does though, because she knows you...some people choose to ignore that other people of less 'populous' groups might actually be offended when you ignore that they have a presence, goals and feelings about things too. Honestly...from my experience people who have never been on the minority side of the fence are just insensitive to minority feelings.