Touch

[catbird]

Originally Posted by immaterial

Anyway, maybe I missed it, but has anyone mentioned massage? I love being in sexual/romantic relationship with women who enjoy exchanging non-erotic massage. It's not cuddling, really, and not goal-oriented sexual either. But it is a form of tactile bonding and healing that I find deeply satisfying. I actually broke it off with a woman who hated giving or receiving non-erotic massage. I missed it too much.

Immaterial

I always like having my back done; and my neck; and my toes. And also erotic massage. Oh, what the hell, everything.

[Confused]

I love touching. Its a huge need for me. I've read the love languages book too, it was one of the first things that made a lightswitch go off in my head about my marriage and how we were each missing the things we did to be loving.

My hubby's main language is acts of service. I never used to appreciate this at all, but he will fill up my car with petrol, even the other day when we were out in seperate cars and I needed to fill up on the way home he followed me there, parked up and jumped out of his car and got to my car fast enough to deal with the pump and pay for the fuel before I could get out. A few years ago I could have interpreted that differently but he did that in front of our friends despite them teasing him. Its not my love language but I've learned to feel his actions as love.

Touch is for me massively important and he has learned to touch me much much more and not stiffen when I need to touch him frequently during the day.

My ex, who I have recently (over the last year) developed an interest in seeing more of, and I have always been cuddly. We've always been 'allowed' to do more cuddling and nonsexual touching than I would with any other man since I met my husband and we all hung out together.

Interestingly having just returned from living in France where its very normal to kiss everyone on the cheek and have close contact on greeting and leaving people, I feel the lack of it in my life. British people in general are awkward about hugs with friends although I have friends who are not of course, I really miss the sense of relaxation and intimacy in the presence of others that I got from those greeting kisses between everyone in the room.

[redpepper]

Hugs hello and goodbye are big here. I wouldn't say its a canadian thing, west coast maybe?, but at least a hand shake with a pat on the shoulder between men is. Women hug hello and some give a kiss on the cheek. I do this. I'm always thrilled to be near people. My parents are British, they are very hands off with people although my mum is an arm toucher. I have that quality too.

[catbird]

Originally Posted by redpepper

Hugs hello and goodbye are big here. I wouldn't say its a canadian thing, west coast maybe?, but at least a hand shake with a pat on the shoulder between men is. Women hug hello and some give a kiss on the cheek. I do this. I'm always thrilled to be near people. My parents are British, they are very hands off with people although my mum is an arm toucher. I have that quality too.

I used to know people in Los Angeles who hugged a lot. It's definitely not a custom in Missouri, which I think is too bad.

[EugenePoet]

Interesting thread. In my family close contact was not automatically given -- according to family legend, my paternal grandmother once said "I wish humans could procreate like fish, without touching each other." That's not to say affection was lacking; my parents were very affectionate. But we are word people.

Since then I've found a deep affinity for touch -- I want to rub those shoulders, smooth the long muscles that go from the base of the spine up to the neck, feel fingers clasping mine. Tactile intelligence and expressiveness. It's great, innit?! But my upbringing makes me feel like I need permission to do that. It's special. I need to know someone is OK with it, and what the role of touch is in that situation: friendly or romantic, casual, comforting, whatever.

If I fight with a lover that's how she'll be able to reconnect: just use those hands. Then the words of reconciliation will come. So important!

[redpepper]

Originally Posted by EugenePoet

If I fight with a lover that's how she'll be able to reconnect: just use those hands. Then the words of reconciliation will come. So important!

Oh I so agree. Very important. Its like a reminder is needed through energy. Healing hands can be where it starts. That kind of touch works wonders for me when I'm angry.

[Derbylicious]

Originally Posted by redpepper

Oh I so agree. Very important. Its like a reminder is needed through energy. Healing hands can be where it starts. That kind of touch works wonders for me when I'm angry.

It's hard to stay angry when you are being touched.

[Confused]

I totally agree. If hubby and I need to have a serious conversation we've found that sitting at opposite sides of the room makes us more likely to end up arguing over it. If we sit entwined with each others bodies the tone is utterly different and we are much more likely to work together to find a solution rather than ending up in opposition.

[classycaveman]

Originally Posted by Confused

I totally agree. If hubby and I need to have a serious conversation we've found that sitting at opposite sides of the room makes us more likely to end up arguing over it. If we sit entwined with each others bodies the tone is utterly different and we are much more likely to work together to find a solution rather than ending up in opposition.

I like this.^^^^


Never been a touchy person myself, except in a relationship, then I'm very touchy. I lose sleep because I try to fall asleep cuddling but the cuddling feels so good that it keeps me awake. This kind of thing makes me wonder if I need to incorporate more touch into my everyday life. I've tried to be more of a touchy person with people I have conversations with, a hand on a shoulder or a tap on someone's arm to make a point... that kind of thing. And I love when I need to touch someone to get their attention for some reason (if they're in my way and I need to get by, for example.) I just like having an excuse to touch a complete stranger!

Or when the hot yoga class is packed and you accidentally brush fingers with the cutie next to you while changing poses... Mmm that's a good touch!

[redpepper]

Originally Posted by redpepper

There is nothing more romantic and bonding to me (other than things sexual) than holding hands. I mean really feeling someones hand. experiencing it and loving it as if it is their whole self. The hands are so much the most used part of the body I think. I love treating them tenderly and with love.

took this from another thread but wanted to put it here as a reminder of what touch is all about for me...

also thinking about kissing and massage... oh so much to do!