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  #41  
Old 04-28-2011, 12:34 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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I have enjoyed talking on message board, getting to "know" people that way.

I've only MET in real life-2 people who I "met" on a message board. They were awesome and the experience has motivated me to REALLY long to go meet more of the people in their general area.

As far as dating goes-not my thing. I really am a "what is the sense I get around this person" kind of girl.


As a rule of thumb:

If I get a "good feeling" hanging around someone, I will hang around them more. If that goes well, I will eventually invite them to hang around my "group". If that goes well and they become a "good fit" in my circle, then I will consider the possibility of dating.
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  #42  
Old 04-28-2011, 11:10 AM
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Originally Posted by Derbylicious View Post
What do you enjoy doing? Seems to me if you're open about who you are and what your relationship structure is the right sort of people will just kind of find you. I do know that you have mentioned before not liking your local poly group much otherwise I would suggest that.
The local poly group, is comprised mostly of hippies. That works for them, but not for me. Does that make sense? I enjoy fighting sports, and those types of things actually make most of them sick. So, here I am. Blah....
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  #43  
Old 04-28-2011, 04:11 PM
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Originally Posted by TL4everu2 View Post
The local poly group, is comprised mostly of hippies. That works for them, but not for me. Does that make sense? I enjoy fighting sports, and those types of things actually make most of them sick. So, here I am. Blah....
It could be there are other people in your area who feel the same way as you do about your local poly group. Have you ever thought about starting up your own events based on things you like to do (ie pub nights to watch MMA)? It might be a slow start but who knows, it could catch on.

ETA Invite the people who are currently in the poly group and invite them to send the invite to poly friendly people who might be interested in the event.
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Last edited by Derbylicious; 04-28-2011 at 04:13 PM. Reason: wanted to add something
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  #44  
Old 04-28-2011, 05:19 PM
opalescent opalescent is offline
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I've had good experiences so far with dating sites and with meeting people 'the old fashioned way' through friends and poly groups. However, I'm not looking for serious, committed partners - if I was, I suspect my experience on dating sites would be very different.

I met SW through mutual friends. My best friend dated him for a time and I met him through her. I met Oil Man through Plenty of Fish. Yes, there is a lot of dreck messages. I figure if they can't bother sending a real message, I can't be bothered to respond.

I soon realized that my profile inadvertently reads like a fantasy come true (bi-ish female with female partner seeks casual relationships with men = SCORE for many male POFers). This results in lots of messages about threesomes and if my partner wanted to watch, etc. It's been very entertaining!

Unfortunately, I've had zippo luck in meeting women on POF in part because POF does not allow one to state an interest in both. I am on OKC too but find that my profile has not generated much interest. Not sure why.
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  #45  
Old 04-28-2011, 06:07 PM
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Sundance (my husband) has had a tough time with online dating so far. Well, he is not sure he is really poly, for one thing, so that is a problem. It's ME who wants him to have more love. I wish there were a way for me to advertise him! Because one of his most endearing qualities is his humble nature -- how can you attract people online if you don't toot your own horn? Always comes across as so pompous and fake. The other thing is, a picture would speak for itself, he is very handsome, BUT -- we want to be discreet. He found a really great girl on one of the sites, I encouraged him to converse with her, send a pic, etc --- turns out our kids go to the SAME SCHOOL. Shit. Too close for comfort. And he didn't exactly present himself, or our situation, as poly -- he said that I have a boyfriend, and we are just starting the separation process, and that our kids don't know yet. That's not going to work. Even though -- we've gone thru some rough patches lately where we actually WERE on the brink of separating, so it wasn't a complete lie... Still, it would be very awkward to have her see us together at a school function or something, being all lovey with each other. Not to mention if we know any mutual acquaintances. I mean, we are just not "out."

He did get a couple of aggressive women who were really interested in a serious relationship, which freaked him out. One kept texting him all day long, another reamed him out for not responding soon enough to one of her messages.

He's tried going out to bars but that has been a sad scene so far. Lots of desperate people.

Other than that, he works long hours with a long commute every day, and wants to be with his family and works out regularly, and has not come across anyone who he could spark something up with. I don't even have any friends who would be prospects for him. And yes -- he is pretty picky. She'd have to be very attractive -- he is very fit and does put a lot of effort into looking good and would only appreciate the same. Yet, he is older than he looks, so it's not like he can go out and pick up the carefree girls in their 20's. (And wouldn't want to -- our daughters are in their 20's!)

Anyways -- it's a jungle out there! I guess he's sorta stuck with me for now.
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  #46  
Old 04-30-2011, 12:04 PM
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Originally Posted by Carma View Post
...he is older than he looks, so it's not like he can go out and pick up the carefree girls in their 20's. (And wouldn't want to -- our daughters are in their 20's!)
Funny, I have no problem with age gaps, as long as the 20something in question is mature for his age. Lots of older guys are just as immature as some 20somethings, and then add in wrinkles, unfortunate walrus mustaches, a tendency to monologue, and being out of touch with modern life/technology/music/politics... meh.

Also! Older guys are intimidated by condoms. Some act like they're doing me a favor to use one, others tell me if they put one on, they'd lose their erection.
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  #47  
Old 05-01-2011, 03:34 AM
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Originally Posted by TL4everu2 View Post
The local poly group, is comprised mostly of hippies. That works for them, but not for me. Does that make sense? I enjoy fighting sports, and those types of things actually make most of them sick. So, here I am. Blah....
I can relate. Most of the people in my local poly circle of friends have much different opinions and interests than I do...fighting is one of them!! I get it.
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  #48  
Old 05-01-2011, 07:33 AM
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Originally Posted by Tonberry View Post
However, meeting people online is my thing. Not on purpose at all, just because I'm not very social outside and I spend a lot of time online, like right now. So I usually grow more connections this way, and they can develop into friendship or relationships.

Really, it's the same as yours. I meet people usually on forums, therefore I meet people who have a common interest with me (that forum) and not just random people, and sometimes more happens. It's closer to joining a club and happening to socialise with the other members.
Same here! It hasn't been on purpose, but I have met many nice people online, some of whom I have become close friends with. This is also how I met my girlfriend. Neither of us was looking for a relationship and we first met irl as friends, but there was more going on once we got together.

I can concider people close even if I haven't ever met them, but I tend to think as friends only people I've met at least once. After that it doesn't matter if most of our communication happens on the Internet, we can still be friends if there is enough contact. In a romantic relationship I find the real-life connection more important (although online communication is definitely a nice bonus!).
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  #49  
Old 05-03-2011, 05:22 AM
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Online dating has always seemed natural to me. Way back in 1996, I met who would become my wife on Yahoo! Personals. I've essentially been online dating since Mosaic became the browser of choice. I understand, however, that the dynamic is completely different for men than for women. Women are literally bombarded with a platoon of messages from a host of seedy and near seedy characters. The gems are few and far between it seems. If I were on the other end, I might be as turned off from it as others.

I do send messages. But, my strategy is to craft a very authentic and relatively telling portrait of myself and let interesting people self select. I usually get a message or two every couple of weeks and they tend to be more interesting and interested than the messages I send to others. Seems to work.

I have trouble with meeting someone in other contexts while poly. I am progressively being more and more open about being poly - but it's not something I talk about very quickly in getting to know people. So, that's a barrier to meeting people in daily life. I do attend poly gatherings when I can. But, I have no real intention in finding dating partners in those settings. I'd be happy if it happened. But, if I put that kind of pressure on attending those events, I fear I'd never go!
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  #50  
Old 05-03-2011, 06:37 AM
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Christ on toast, I forgot about Mosaic.

I feel old now.
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