Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Poly Relationships Corner

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #411  
Old 03-05-2013, 07:56 PM
ManofDiscovery ManofDiscovery is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: NW England
Posts: 117
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by AJ1 View Post
MoD - I just wanted to add that I totally see where you are coming from on online dating.

For me personally, the activities that I find fulfilling and enjoyable are "alone" type activities: reading, laying in the grass thinking, more reading. They cannot be parlayed into a means to acquire a romantic partner. Extroverts will say "join a book club!" but I don't enjoy "gathering in a group of people to talk about a book we all read", I enjoy "reading". Alternatively, "talking about a concept I read in a book with one other interesting person, who has read other interesting but tangentially related books." But how can I go about finding another person to talk about books with one-on-one...hmm...maybe online??

I am all about personal growth, and I don't feel like I have any void in my life I need to fill. I am happy as I am, and regardless of the number of partners I have or don't have at a given time, I like who I am and am happy with my life. That being said, I also enjoy meeting and getting to know people one-on-one, and the easiest way to find compatible people (that I have as yet found) is online dating. That goes for "mere" friendships as much as for romantic partners.

How else do introverts find one another? "Go out and do things with large groups of other people" is just not what we find enjoyable. "Peruse online profiles until I find a seemingly compatible person, then ping them about meeting up one-on-one" just makes sense.

Which is better? Being genetically inclined to be a healthy weight, or deliberately maintaining a healthy weight through diet and exercise? I guess it is easier if you are genetically inclined, but if both yield the desired result, can you really fault the exerciser for putting out effort to reach their goal? I see that as analogous to online dating vs. dating from your existing circle of acquaintances. Yeah, its certainly easier if compatible and interesting folks just fall in your lap, but I truly do not understand the stigma against actively seeking what you want.

DH and I also have a soft rule against "poaching" romantic partners from our existing circle of friends. We lost two very good friends of ours when a romantic partnership went south. Not worth it!
Thanks for your response...I can say that you talk a shitload of sense.

Actually I'm very much on the extraverted end of the scale, but it's still not that easy to meet people when out and about. It's just not that easy to bump into the kind of person I'm looking for...maybe I'm just too picky.

Anyway I agree with you...there are many paths to the same destination, and you can't always say that one is right and one is wrong.
Reply With Quote
  #412  
Old 03-05-2013, 11:29 PM
ManofDiscovery ManofDiscovery is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: NW England
Posts: 117
Default

So I got an email either today or yesterday from a very cute Asian girl in her mid 20s saying that I sounded perfect for her.

Being as I love to fish for compliments I asked specifically what it was that appealed so much...and it turned out that she emailed me because my profile said I was polyamorous, and she didn't like the hassle of mono relationships!

Now admittedly I would have preferred if she said 'you look damn hot in your pics'...but I was still pleased that there are girls out there, albeit a very small % of them, that see this and think 'this is for me'.
Reply With Quote
  #413  
Old 03-06-2013, 04:56 PM
SchrodingersCat's Avatar
SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Saskatchewan
Posts: 2,237
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by ManofDiscovery View Post
I was still pleased that there are girls out there, albeit a very small % of them, that see this and think 'this is for me'.
From what I've seen, the majority of members on this forum are female... I don't know if that's indicative of the the general population, or only of people who go on polyamory fora, but it definitely proves that there are girls out there who think "this is for me."

I might even go a step further and argue that as far as polyamory specifically is concerned, females outnumber males. Biologically, men are driven to spread their seed and women are driven to pair bond for the protection of their young. As much as we humans like to pretend we're so evolved from our stone age ancestors, we're really not. Our instincts are identical, only our experience and knowledge differs. So a woman who can pair bond with more than one mate stands a much better chance of providing food and security for her offspring. Of course, I'm just making this all up. I'm reading Clan of the Cave Bears right now, so prehistoric humans are forefront in my mind these days.
__________________
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.
—bisexualbaker
Reply With Quote
  #414  
Old 03-08-2013, 05:24 AM
MeeraReed MeeraReed is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: East Coast, U.S.
Posts: 356
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by ManofDiscovery View Post
So I got an email either today or yesterday from a very cute Asian girl in her mid 20s saying that I sounded perfect for her.

Being as I love to fish for compliments I asked specifically what it was that appealed so much...and it turned out that she emailed me because my profile said I was polyamorous, and she didn't like the hassle of mono relationships!

Now admittedly I would have preferred if she said 'you look damn hot in your pics'...but I was still pleased that there are girls out there, albeit a very small % of them, that see this and think 'this is for me'.
Yes, poly women exist, and they are the ones you should be trying to meet if you specifically don't want a monogamous relationship.

I'm a little confused as to why you'd prefer her to want you for your looks as opposed to wanting you for relationship-style compatibility...would you rather she said, "You're so hot I'll tolerate all your other relationships just for the privilege of being with you!" (Of course not.)

In general, women in online dating are not going to be contacting anyone to tell them their "pics are hot." I can't tell you how many idiotic messages I've deleted that say nothing but "wow you look so hot in your pics." Ew.

Also, if you would like to date this cute girl, you may want to think carefully about not singling out the fact that she is Asian (something that you mentioned even though it is totally not relevant).
__________________
Single, straight, female, solo, non-monogamous.
Reply With Quote
  #415  
Old 03-08-2013, 02:57 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 3,824
Default

Quote:
Also, if you would like to date this cute girl, you may want to think carefully about not singling out the fact that she is Asian (something that you mentioned even though it is totally not relevant).
Interesting. Because I think in dating partner, noting "Asian" is important. People come with their family of origin culture stuff and that could affect compatability. It's also easy chitchat for date openers -- "My family culture is____. Tell me more about yours. " Maybe it is easy chitchat for ME because I'm multiethnic? I dunno. People always are asking me "So... what blend ARE you?" It doesn't seem like a biggie to me.

I'm more concerned about "don't want to deal with the hassle of monoshipping" --- what hassle? It's the same skills, just more players. If anything polyshipping has more "hassles" because you are trying to get along with more people!

Does she mean SWINGING when she says "poly?" Which is fine if that's what she wants. Then I could see it being less "hassle" to her because it never meant as anything beyond playdate recreational sex. But that may or may not be what ye seek... so could check up on that.

But in general -- yay! You got responsiveness. That's good.

Galagirl

Last edited by GalaGirl; 03-08-2013 at 03:00 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #416  
Old 03-08-2013, 04:01 PM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
Banned
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Nowhere
Posts: 1,646
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by GalaGirl View Post
Interesting. Because I think in dating partner, noting "Asian" is important. People come with their family of origin culture stuff and that could affect compatability. It's also easy chitchat for date openers -- "My family culture is____. Tell me more about yours. " Maybe it is easy chitchat for ME because I'm multiethnic? I dunno. People always are asking me "So... what blend ARE you?" It doesn't seem like a biggie to me.
Except there is one thing wrong with that reasoning:

"Asian" is not a "culture". By the way, "African" is also not a "culture". Neither is "Latin" a "culture". "European" is also not a "culture". Those are CONTINENTS, not CULTURES (although "Latin" is not a continent but usually refers to South America and/or the Caribbean region). There are MANY "cultures" within those broad ethnic and geographical delineations.


-=-=-=-

I laugh inside when guys fall for the "cute Asian girl in her mid-20's" stereotype. Let's say, even if she DOES exist... Oh never mind. Keep us all posted on the hot Asian chick in her mid 20's. Let us know how it goes. I'm interested. what the heck.
Reply With Quote
  #417  
Old 03-08-2013, 04:31 PM
ManofDiscovery ManofDiscovery is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: NW England
Posts: 117
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by BoringGuy View Post
Except there is one thing wrong with that reasoning:

"Asian" is not a "culture". By the way, "African" is also not a "culture". Neither is "Latin" a "culture". "European" is also not a "culture". Those are CONTINENTS, not CULTURES (although "Latin" is not a continent but usually refers to South America and/or the Caribbean region). There are MANY "cultures" within those broad ethnic and geographical delineations.


-=-=-=-

I laugh inside when guys fall for the "cute Asian girl in her mid-20's" stereotype. Let's say, even if she DOES exist... Oh never mind. Keep us all posted on the hot Asian chick in her mid 20's. Let us know how it goes. I'm interested. what the heck.
Thanks for setting both me and GG straight. You know we all value your wisdom here. Thanks again!
Reply With Quote
  #418  
Old 03-08-2013, 04:33 PM
ManofDiscovery ManofDiscovery is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: NW England
Posts: 117
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by MeeraReed View Post
Yes, poly women exist, and they are the ones you should be trying to meet if you specifically don't want a monogamous relationship.

I'm a little confused as to why you'd prefer her to want you for your looks as opposed to wanting you for relationship-style compatibility...would you rather she said, "You're so hot I'll tolerate all your other relationships just for the privilege of being with you!" (Of course not.)

In general, women in online dating are not going to be contacting anyone to tell them their "pics are hot." I can't tell you how many idiotic messages I've deleted that say nothing but "wow you look so hot in your pics." Ew.

Also, if you would like to date this cute girl, you may want to think carefully about not singling out the fact that she is Asian (something that you mentioned even though it is totally not relevant).
It was a joke...but thanks anyway. Maybe it doesn't translate across the Atlantic.

So I had an email ready for her 'OMG U SO HAWWWT DOGG I ONLY LIKE US COS YOU ASIAN LOLZ!!!'

Are you saying that I shouldn't be sending that?
Reply With Quote
  #419  
Old 03-08-2013, 04:44 PM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
Banned
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Nowhere
Posts: 1,646
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by ManofDiscovery View Post
Thanks for setting both me and GG straight. You know we all value your wisdom here. Thanks again!
You're Welcome! So, you WILL keep us posted, then?
Reply With Quote
  #420  
Old 03-08-2013, 04:47 PM
ManofDiscovery ManofDiscovery is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: NW England
Posts: 117
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by BoringGuy View Post
You're Welcome! So, you WILL keep us posted, then?
In fairness, I will try...but will most likely forget. You may have to prod me.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
dating, dating advice, dating dynamics, dating etiquette, dating sites, dating websites, internet dating, kissing frogs, meeting people, netiquette, okcupid, on line dating, online dating, online personals, vee is for me

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 08:43 PM.